The Unkindest Cut

OK that last post about the romantic dinner - Chick Fil A drive thru. That stuff about making sure everything is perfect? I went from giving my car a full tune up to maybe I'll have time for a car wash and full tank of gas. Baby proofing? By the time he starts crawling. We roomed in last night, will be nesting (cleaning the entire house) today and tomorrow. Monday we work. Tuesday, assuming he passes his last checkup, parole. Thursday, meeting with parole officer (eye doctor) back at the big house.


Yesterday we had a big day scheduled. First was CPR, learning how to use the apnea sensor and how to use the oxygen. They are actually going to call me Monday morning to schedule a time Monday afternoon to deliver a couple dozen gallons of liquid oxygen to my house. Liquid oxygen is half of the stuff they use to power the space shuttle. Expose it to flame and it can lift a large aircraft to mach 25, or it can lift my roof to the parking lot of the supermarket half a mile away. It will be located about 10 feet from my bed and closer to my son's. Anyway, there was a lot of info to digest. We had to learn it all flawlessly. By the time we were done the physical therapist came by our bed to give us an update. If I have one more doctor tell me my son was born too early I'm going to deck them. I know he was born early. When I ask for comparisons to other kids, I mean other kids born at under 26 weeks gestation. I know they exist, some of their parents are reading this blog. Anyway, he's fine for his situation but there are a couple of exercises they want us to do. While we were at the class, Jordan went in for his procedure. By the time the therapist is there he is back. I know I made the right choice, but he got some payback later. We run out to the store to pick up a few things we need. We somehow spend $100 on stuff we absolutely need before homecoming - but we feel no more prepared than before. Do you know how much formula goes for these days? That stuff has a street value higher than cocaine! We finally get back to the hospital and it's time to spend the night with our son for the first time. There is a special room with beds and a TV and designed to make you feel as if you are at home. Now picture us - the new family curled up on the couch. Mother gently holding baby as baby coos. I have my arm around the mother of my child beaming with pride and anticipation. Sounds just like a commercial doesn't it? Well it is. The reality is my son has just been subjected to the first surgical procedure of his life, and if I may say so, it's in the least desirable area you want to be cut. He is pissed at the world and is letting us know it. ALL NIGHT LONG. He spent more time crying for us in the last 24 hours than we have seen the rest of his life. He gets maybe 90 minutes of quiet sleep in 11 hours. On top of that the darn apnea sensor is giving false alarms until midnight (he has never stopped breathing). That thing at 2am sounds about as loud as a car horn. Between the fussy baby and false alarms The Mama Ali decided at about 3:30 to just skip the bed, pull up a recliner and sleep next to the crib. The best part was at 8 am when she climbed into bed. I have seen people tired before, but never actually seen anyone fall asleep as their head hit the pillow. There was only one thing funnier. My son has never left the NICU, never even seen the outdoors, has no concept of time. How does he know to fall asleep at sunrise?!?!

I want to thank all of the other micro preemie parents who have helped us through a very difficult time. When I first started back to work in July after the baby was born, I was in a daze. I a supposed to be a provider, or protector, or something. My wife is at home recovering from a birth she didn't want. My new baby that was supposed to be born on election day is born on my 30th birthday (July 9th). I was not capable of concentrating on work. I was half mourning and half pissed at the entire world. I had everyone at work tell me it was going to be OK, but the doctors telling me the exact opposite. It wasn't until I googled micro preemie blogs that I finally found people who understood. I admit that if this hadn't happened, I wouldn't have made that search, but I value the support and encouragement for each and every one of you. I have been too busy this week to visit every blog and thank you individually, but I want you to know my wife and I have seen every comment and appreciate them all. The relationships we have formed will not end on Tuesday either. Every week I check on Serena, Hallie, Edwin, Kaitlyn, Michael, Ashton, Logan, Cooper and everyone else. I know you guys care enough to keep checking in on Jordan too. I have a million things that I need to do over the coming weeks and months and I promise I will keep updating everyone on Jordan and his amazing journey.