Thanksgiving Day

"Thanksgiving dinner Huh? I don't see what the big fuss is. You people haven't even fed me yet!"

"OK, I think I'm full now. You can let me down."

Hey, you know what we're thankful for this year, but it was still a special day. When I eat Thanksgiving dinner I have an established routine. I eat usually the same food, in the same quantities, and end up with the same physical feelings. Afterwards I usually fall out onto the couch in front of a football game and get mad at myself for eating so much. I rarely do anything more strenuous than belch. Jordan didn't have the same plan. He just ate as much good food as he could with 4 teeth. For him, dinner is about eating to get calories. Then, afterwards it was time to burn those calories. Guess who had to chase him around. It seems that my son teaches me something new every week. Notice that crawling is now the exception not the rule. He just learned this weekend how to stand up on his own without climbing on something. Now all we have to do is teach him how to stand still.

Playing and Walking

This is a Youtube clip of Jordan walking. He is actually even better at it now, but this is a good video. I must warn you that it is a 8 minute video so make sure you have the time. A special thanks to my Dad for making the video too.

Stepping Out!

One of the funniest things about Jordan is that his brain sometimes works like a switch. A few months ago Jordan was doing a ugly little army crawl. I was certain that he would stay there for a while. Between Friday and Sunday he moved totally to the regular crawl. I think it took him a couple of days to learn to pull himself up on furniture (still can't stand up on his own). Anyway, last weekend he decided he was done standing still. It was time to walk.

As you can see he isn't very good at it. In fact, he's bad at it, but he won't let that stop him.

I think the biggest problem is that he spends so much time cheesing for the camera that when he sees it he doesn't concentrate on walking. That's why I can't get him on video for more than a few steps. I know that some people want more clips of walking. This was my attempt.

My dad loves to tell a story about my cousin who never learned to walk until she went to school. She went from crawling to running and didn't learn to walk until kindergarten. Jordan looks like he may be taking after that. Right now when he walks he usually falls forward on his hands and rarely on his rear. That's because he usually is moving so fast.

I don't like to give cute stories about the baby, because these stories usually are less funny to read than they are to see, but yesterday was too cute. We were in a dept store. If I knew Santa would be out this early, I would have bought my camera. Anyway, we were in the kids clothes section and I decided to let him loose for a run. Of course with the bright colors and noises he goes to the toy section. He isn't an experienced walker yet, but he knows that the floor is hard and quiet. He ran to the toy section and encountered one of those floor pianos. Floor pianos are those things you play with by stepping on them. When Jordan stepped on it at first it was soft and noisy. He took another step and almost jumped. His eyes were wide open and he was at full fear mode. By step #4 he stopped, went down to all fours, and refused to move. He almost had a heart attack and wouldn't move until I picked him up. For the rest of my life, I will not be able to look at one of thise pianos without remembering what happened yesterday.

Barbers and Birthday

One of the advantages of being a preemie is that for the first two years you have two birthdays. We tried having a party for the first birthday, but there was a family emergency so we missed it. However, his due date was last week so we got a second chance. Of course, before going to a party you must make sure that you look good for the ladies.

We really are spoiled with this baby. He did cry, but I can honestly say I was much worse on my father. Sorry, dad. You will see below that he looks much older just by having a haircut.

As I mentioned, he has to look good for the ladies. Of course, he does have the disadvantage of having to impress older women.

Take this woman for instance. She really liked the haircut. Jordan thought she was cute too because he drooled all over her.

Some nice person at the supermaket actually worked on this cake with care and pride in their profession.

Jordan took pride in what he did too. Don't be confused though. Any witness will tell you that he didn't actually eat any of this cake. He just seemed to be mad at it.

What can I say. He loves playing with balloons. I love watching him play with things without eating them. Especially balloons because he grabs them with one hand which makes them scoot across the room and then he has to chase them. It he could learn to hold it without squeezing it would work much better.

HE WON!!!

It is official. Jordan was entered in a costume contest and he won. Actually he didn't win, but at that age everyone gets a banner for participating. What a great day to be an American.

This video was put together by my dad. It shows a couple of shots of him standing briefly and at least once wetting himself. There are also some shots of Jordan too.

Change the baby, change the world, change the diet.

For those of you who don't know my father, he is old school. A very smart man, but ultimately a man whose intelligence comes from his experience. My father has always belived his grand child would get to vote for a black person for president one day.

He just never believed he would live to see it happen.

That was a great way to celebrate a great day. For those who don't remember, Jordan was sprung from the big house 365 days ago (It was the 25th, but this is a leap year). We all celebrated the one way we couldn't a year ago. We slept through the night. We also went to see the doctor because we were supposed to and he has a boat payment to make. Jordan is 31 and a half inches tall which is pretty normal for kids born when he was. He weighs just under 21 pounds - 95% of kids born the same time as him weigh more. Also, we get to start with cow's milk! We aren't going to have to buy any more formula and we should finish what we have over the weekend. I remember growing up my mom used to complain how much milk my sister and I drank. Now that I'm the parent I can honestly say TOUGH LUCK! Cow's milk costs about a third as much as formula and she didn't have to pay three and a half bucks a gallon for milk. Also the doctor said to avoid fish (probably would have anyway at 7 bucks a pound for a kid who eats carpet lint), and chocolate and peanuts in case of allergies. Otherwise we can feed whatever he'll keep down. Finally, I don't remember if I mentioned it before, but Jordan is able to stand on his own for a few seconds at a time. He is so funny when he stands. He does his best standing when he doesn't know he's standing. If he picks up a toy from a table with two hands and starts waving it in the air, he stand fine and doesn't think about it. If you hold onto him and let go, his arms go out to the side and he gets almost into a crouch as if he were on a tight rope. I will definitely post some pics of that next week.

Eating, Sleeping, and Walking

My boy has really changed his eating habits. First of all, he doesn't like to be fed. He loves to eat, but usually tries to take the spoon out of your hand. Most of his food is the consistency of applesauce so it leads to big messes, but he is proud of his messes. He would rather lick the food off of his hands than eat a spoonful given to him by someone else. I don't know if I mentioned before, but he now has 4 teeth – 2 on top and bottom in the front. Not enough to eat a lot of real food, but I will admit it is sometimes easier just to give him my scraps rather than fight him over some Gerber mush. We went McDonalds and bought him some apple slices which he loved. Of course with only 4 teeth and no molars it took 10 minutes to finish 1 slice. He just kept gumming the poor thing until it just gave up. Saturday night we were at a birthday party and he had a small bottle and my leftover pizza crusts for dinner. He acted like he was mad at the pizza and wanted to teach it a lesson.

We have been trying to get Jordan to walk for months now. That was probably an error. We have trouble keeping up with the current crawler. I have spent last week baby proofing parts I didn't think we would have to worry about so quickly. Our cabinets don't have handles so I thought that might slow him down a bit. Our pantry has folding doors which I thought worked in our favor. I also thought that the baby would one day learn to climb out of the playpen. Well he can open everything in the kitchen without a lock including the fridge, and he hasn't let anyone even put him into a playpen since Labor day.

When people who haven't had a kid ask what it's like for the new parent, I tell them the following story. After months of trial and error we now know exactly how to put the baby to bed. We have a system and the system works. If the baby gets a bath, you start with that. When I'm home alone, he doesn't always get one. Then dress him in the Pjs. Close the door to the bedroom and don't open it again. Then sit down on the bench with him on your lap and give him a sippy cup with formula while you read him a story. After the story, turn him around, give him a pacifier, turn out the light and he will fall asleep on your chest. Yes it's adorable, yes it effective, but it is ultimately flawed. The baby goes to sleep with food, a pacifier, and his parents holding him. It took most of a year to give him all of that so he could get to sleep, and now as parents we have to take it all away. However, what do we take first and how do we do it? We have already started making some changes, but this story is a perfect example of what it's like to raise the baby. As part of growing up we parents know we have to make these changes, but ultimately Jordan will be making the calls.

OK, I admit that he was a little too close to the lens when I took the pic, but the drool is adorable.

I was recently asked if Jordan has lost interest in standing.

The dictionary definition of standing involves to stop or remain motionless or steady on the feet. By that definition, he has lost all interest in standing. In fact, he doesn't seem to remember how to sit still for more than 10 seconds. Take a look...

Have you thanked your parents for raising you lately? I know I have joked in the past about eating the camera, but had I left the shot going another 5 seconds, you would have seen his tongue. Jordan has really taken to eating pretty well this month. We have officially moved him up to cheerios. Unofficially, we have tried a couple of other things, but his grandmothers read this blog and I don't want to give them any ideas. Also his mother reads this blog and I have to be careful of what she knows. The mama Ali works late 3 nights a week which means I have him all night until his bedtime. Let's just say that I know a lot more about Jordan and his abilities (or durabilities) than I can safely admit. I will say with pride that nothing I have done with him has ever resulted in the breaking of skin. I will also say that sometimes he thinks he's a toddler, but he still has a few months to go.

Another Reunion

Jordan is crawling on all fours! He figured it out and he's definitely in a big rush to go. He doesn't know where he's going yet, but he needs to get there quickly. Also, if you look closely you can see the bottom two teeth. I can tell you from experience you have to be careful sticking a finger in there. Anyway, the rest of this post is about what happened to Jordan rather than how he's doing. Stop reading if you aren't interested.

This past Saturday was the NICU reunion. We went to go visit all of the people who we thought we would never forget. It turns out that we forgot almost all the names, and about half of the faces. The reunion was for any kid who has ever stayed there which meant there were some toddlers at the reunion. That means the DJ was playing nursery rhymes and kid songs. If going to kids parties means 3 hours of Jimmy Cracked Corn and Itsy Bitsy Spider, then we will have very few parties until I'm old enough to dislike the rap he'll listen to in 10 years.

That's the thing about Jordan. He won't cry when he meets strangers. I love that about him. He's met both sides of the family this summer and didn't even whine. However, he doesn't smile either. He just studies people. He didn't mind the clown, but he clearly didn't care either. People try so hard to make him smile, but they can't do it.

These previous two pictures are from our neighbors. In the nicu we met other parents. We never got to get a good look at their kids though. You can't really walk up to someone else's crib and examine their kid in the nicu. No rules, that's just rude. Anyway, these people lived up in Jacksonville so we haven't really kept in touch, but it's nice to see the kids are doing well. I regret we didn't see all of our neighbors.

These pictures are the nurses who we came to know well. They were absolutely thrilled to see how well Jordan is doing. They kept saying he looks great and how surprised they were. I don't know why. He spent 4 months doing better than they expected of him.

This is the doctor who saved my son's life. We got a little upset with her at the end, but a lot of that was the emotion of the time. I would have spent evey penny I had and then some to see this picture 12 months ago. Thanks Doc.

One of the advantages of living in Florida is that every 4 years, people ask for your vote. Many of the people reading this blog live in states where people don't ask for your vote. I refer to them as 'lesser states'. In fact the republican party has said that those of you in NY are not in real america but rather some fake version I suppose. Anyway, this was a rally for the democratic candidate Barack Obama. You can see him clearly just a quarter mile beyond that tree. The park had a capacity of 10,000 people, but about double that showed up. We were able to get close enough to hear the loudspeakers. The campaign estimated 20,000 showed up, but they didn't mention that the rally was held 2 blocks from a basketball arena that would have allowed everyone to actually see him. I can't complain too much because it was free, but I didn't get any closer than seeing the road his bus drove on. I just thought it was important to bring my kid to see the candidate. He was so excited he wet his pants.

Lessons Learned

They say that in life you should learn something new everyday. So I would like to go over some of the things I learned this week.

1. Grandma's cooking is always the best cooking you will ever have. Grandma gave Jordan some of that baby toast they sell in the supermarket. He loved it. He chewed, smiled, all that good stuff. I figured this was great. He and I could sit down later and share a slice of toast together and have one of those Hallmark moments. 2 days later the high chair still smells like vomit.
2. It is easy to get Jordan to sleep if you are willing to make the sacrifice. This little boy will spend all day long in bed eating and sleeping, as long as he has company. If you don't get in bed with him he will stay up all day long and fight his nap as long as he can.
3. When you have the heart of a toddler, it doesn't matter how cool you look as long as you get the job done. He has perfected his little army crawl. He uses arms, legs, feet, face. Whatever it takes to get the ball in front of you.
4. Biting starts to hurt when you get bitten with teeth rather than gums. That leads me to the next thing.
5. When you don't know the definition, 'No' is a fun game to play with daddy. This little boy loves to make me say No. I don't really discipline him yet (too young in my opinion), but when he grabs the electrical cord, I separate him, look him in the face and say no. I'm trying to teach him the meaning of the word. He just loves the reaction. I might as well be tickling his feet.
6. No more baths in the sink. He can easily fit in the sink and I find it easier to work with him there, but he can't keep his hands off of the faucet. He has to play with the faucet which means a cold drip on the head, or a hot torrent down his back. Either way, I can't let him play with the tap.
7. Playing with Jordan for 30 minutes will solve any problem. No matter what happened at work with your boss. No matter what bills are due today. No matter what you just fought about with the mama Ali. Just sit Jordan on the floor without any toys and sit down next to him and 30 minutes later you have had a great day. I can't wait to see what I learn next week.

Take a close look. Do you see anything?

His first time on a swing. We had trouble getting him to smile and look at us at the same time.

It isn't pretty, but it worked. He got from point A to point B, but it isn't a true crawl. He pushes forward with his feet and doesn't let his knees do any of the work. He actually looks like he is trying to climb a ladder. It doesn't look right, but it does look adorable. He is going to be so pissed when I show this to his prom date.

Did you see anything new in the top picture? Look closely. Just kidding, it's there, but you can't see it. However if you stick a finger in his mouth you can feel it. The bottom two front teeth have just barely cut through. They are so small that he can't do a thing with them yet, but I did feel them and you can hear them when he drinks out of a glass. He's still pretty bad at that.

Our little boy is about to stop being a little boy soon. He loves to climb his parents whenever he can. For some reason he prefers me but I think it's because I wear sleeves more than mommy (tank tops), and I spend a lot of time wrestling with him. If you are careful with him he does enjoy being tackled. He also enjoys floor time. We can't call it tummy time anymore because he doesn't stay on the tummy when awake. He spends a lot of time putting things in his mouth, using his other hand to put the same thing in his mouth, and scooting after the dogs. At his pace he never catches them, but little buys love little dogs and he won't stop trying. I haven't gotten a picture of that yet, but I will soon.

Test Results

This week Jordan went for a physical evaluation. Overall, he is on average for his adjusted age of ten and a half months. He interacts well with adults, reacts to sounds properly, and plys with his toys like he should. The people did notice something in a few minutes that we have noticed all summer long. If you give him a toy in his left hand he will eat it. If you give him a toy in his right hand, he will pass to his left - and eat it. They didn't see it, but he will hold a bottle with two hands or only his left. He definitely favors his left and his grandparents and parents think he is left handed.

The biggest problems were the gross and fine motor skills. Picking up something the size of a box of cheerios is gross motor skills. Mostly whole arm type of stuff. Picking up individual cheerios is fine motor skills. Mostly hands and fingers. He was on the low end of normal in both areas. I would love to give him more practice, but there is a big problem with the fine motor skills. The best way to practice that is to let him feed himself. However, he has no teeth. I can't let him have crackers or cheerios until he can chew. Of course, as soon as he learns to eat cheerios, he learns to throw them. Maybe I can wait a little longer.

The one thing they told us to work on is tummy time. They say that he should still learn to crawl.

Does this look like a crawler to you? Does he even look like a sitter anymore?

Family Reunion Pics

Here's your new screensaver Traci.

Jordan - a.k.a. Athos

Isaiah - a.k.a. Porthos

Christian - a.k.a Aramis (the 3 musketeers)

Family Picture

The life preserver is because he HATES to get dunked and he wanted to walk.

Too cute. And baby looks good too.

The family reunion was held at a place called 'Great Wold Lodge'. There are about a dozen of them in the country. They all have water parks in them and are family hotels. The catch is is that the water parks are designed for both kids and adults - not infants. There was screaming, splashing, little waterfalls and all sorts of stuff a 3 year old would love. Infants can only deal with so much stimulus at a time and this infant in particular can only handle being wet in certain ways. Jordan HATES to be splashed anywhere on his body and still cries during baths when his face gets too wet. It took him about 10 minutes before he could deal with all of the activity around him. Kids were running, there were strangers in the pool, there were sprinklers everywhere. His eyes looked bigger than mine. However, after he got used to the stimulus he LOVED it. We should have taken a video where he was laughing while his gums were chattering from the cold water.

Speaking of stimulus, look at the 3 musketeers up top. Christian (3 years) and Isaiah (4 months) are the children of my cousin (I don't know what number cousins are anything they are and I don't particularly care - we're all cousins). Anyway, you are looking at the next 15 Xmases or so. Especially when they can all walk. There was a preview this weekend. Of course Christian loved Jordan and wanted to go play with him. He was told Jordan hadn't learned to walk yet. Christian thought the best way to teach him was to help him. Christian grabbed Jordan's left hand and started walking. I still had Jordan's right hand while trying to slow down the 3 year old. Jordan didn't say a thing because he wanted to play with Christian, but he would have literally been dragged away on the floor if I wasn't there. 3 year olds don't do anything slowly except eat veggies.

One more thing happened on this trip that i just have to mention. When we take jordan out in public, he gets lots of attention. We take him out to the market and he sees people and they see him. People smile at him and he smiles back. The women especially like to do this. Living in FL, we hear at least twice a month were Jordan reminds someone of their grandkid(s). Anyway, the night before leaving we are in a restuarant in Harlem with cousin Tony. He is a little grabby hasn't had solid baby food all day and he's a little fussy. He's been a champ all trip so it's OK, we just try to do our best since it's already past his bed time. The 3 adults are talking about the trip and eventually we forget about the baby. He's in a high chair eating a bib so what could happen? Well we weren't giving him attention so he found a table of 5 women behind us and these women were nobody's grandmother. He was just cheesing for attention and they thought he was adorable. He practically was flirting with them. He couldn't stop smiling directly at them which they thought was adorable so they smiled back at them. It was getting to be a pretty vicious cycle until cousin Tony stepped in.

The last day was marked by flight delays. I won't go into details because if you have ever flown in Atlanta or NY (especially the same day) then you have had the same stories. I'll just say that Jordan couldn't have been better. He doesn't mind flying and he cares nothing for flight delays. He got to spend one flight napping on mommy and the second flight climbing on daddy. Overall he was a perfect baby for this trip. Thank you Jordan!

Tour Pics - Part 2

This is the first time his parents have given him a bath in a sink.

Like I said aunt Rochelle hasn't seen him in nearly a year. He seemed more interested in the doll in this picture, but he absolutely loved her.

Unlike Chicago, he stayed awake in Times Square.

This is Marilyn. More on this pic below.

This is the bed we slept in. He apparently thought it was a playpen because he preferred to stay awake in it.

The second day of the tour, Jordan was amazing. We left Brooklyn before 8am and went to times square. I don't know if all 9 month olds are like this, but he acted like we were in the local supermarket. The scenery was nice, but the strap in the stroller is the real entertainment. We even took a boat tour around the island of Manhattan - his first bost ride - and he handled it like we were driving the family car down the interstate. Due in part to the fact that I forgot how long it takes to walk from 7th to 12th avenue, we returned to Rochelle's house at 4pm. Any other time this would be a busy enough day and we'd relax before bedtime or something. However, this trip had nothing to do with relaxing. We turned around and went to visit Gail in Long Island.

Gail is one of my dad's former coworkers from the 80s. I literally grew up with her son David who is the same age. Also her daughter Alana and husband Steve was there. The funniest part was when I saw Bob. Bob is my dad's former boss. I am 31 years old and literally haven't seen Bob in over 20 years. The last time I saw him he was 20 years younger, had a mustache, black hair, and was twice my height. I heard this stranger say he was some guy named Bob, but I didn't know it was THE Bob for about an hour. Gail has been reading this blog since it began and she was thrilled to meet the baby. My biggest regret is that she will now be bugging her kids to give her a grandchild. Or course everyone was loving on the baby and he was loving them back. He enjoyed Gail's house so much I'm sure he would have stayed all night if given the choice. However, we had to leave at 8pm. I would have posted some pics from there, but all of the pictures were taken on other people's cameras. Oops.

Usually bed time is 8pm, but Jordan is on tour and has plenty of people to meet. Next stop is Marilyn's house. She has known my Mom she says since they were teenagers (My mom was never as young as I am. She was born at 40 years old with some weird desire to force kids to eat vegetables). Marilyn's son Kalik and his girlfriend Angela was there too. Angela's 3 year old daughter has the distinction of being the only toddler in history who didn't want to spend all day playing with Jordan. However, Marilyn more than made up for it. She was wearing a tank top with straps, her hair was braided, and she was wearing loose dangly jewelry. The one year old found her more than entertaining. He hung in there a while too, but eventually he started to crash. Jordan loves being around people and doesn't want to miss out on anything, so he will stay up as long as he can. By 10:30 he was visibly fighting sleep. His mind was saying party but his body was shutting down. He wasn't saying anything, but I felt terrible about it.

The next morning was a very special trip. We went up to the Bonx to visit my grandparents. Of course this was their first time meeting the baby. My grandfather (unsurprisingly) was not as excited as my Nana. We bought them plenty of photos and of course they loved those. I got to let Jordan play in the room I used to play in even though he couldn't walk on his own and would never remember. Actually, thinking back, I think I only got to ply with him for about 5 minutes. Between Traci, Nana, and my Aunt Barbara, he didn't get much floor time. Anyway, towards the end Jordan also got to play with Aunt Barbara, my mother's sister. We would have stayed a lot longer but it was time for us to drive to Pennsylvania. We had to attend the Ross Family Reunion!

Tour Pics - Part 1

First let me say that there are more pics coming. I just haven't downloaded all of the pictures yet. These pics are from the first part of the trip.

Jordan is about ready to go. He doesn't know where he is going, but he knows he's ready to go there.

I know this is Jordan's blog, but I have a fondness for cute ladies.

Actually, all 3 of us have a fondness for her.

These previous 2 pics are very special ones for me. The one directly above is my Aunt Barbara who of course has never met the baby before. The one above that is my grandmother (Jordan's great-grandma), Nana. That picture alone was worth the entire trip.

We flew from Orlando to LaGuardia and it took 4 hours. No delays, just a stop in Canton, OH. Of course, Jordan was a champ. We kept him fed, he kept us busy, but he also kept quiet. He just spent half the flight sleeping and half the flight trying to get us to put him down. I don't know why since he can't stand on his own, but he tried really hard. After landing, we met my younger sister and her husband at the airport, then rented a car and drove to my older sister's house. She hasn't seen Jordan in about 16 pounds (He is currently almost 20). Then all 6 of us went out to a great Thai restaurant. The only problem with the restuarant is that they made no pretense of being a family restaurant. They didn't kick us out of anything, but there were no high chairs, no changing tables in the bathroom, and I don't know if there is such a thing as a kid's menu for Thai food. The aunts learned a very important lesson. You must be very careful when you have a one year old sitting on your lap - they grab everything and hold nothing. He reached for everything and unfortunately got hold of a cup of Sprite. Aunt Rochelle and I were sticky for the rest of the day.

After the restaurant we took a nickel tour of lower Manhattan's bridges and then dropped Aunt Traci off at the house of some old friends. We left the restaurant at about 8pm and then woke him up at 9pm to see the old friends. We didn't take him out to play, but he did wake up. Then he fell asleep when we drove back to Aunt Rochelle's. We had to carry him upstairs at 10pm (we never have stairs in FL) and laid him on a strange bed in a strange house. He figured we wanted him to stay awake since we kept waking him up, so he obliged. We placed him in between us on a king size bed where he proceeded to play and kick even though we were dead tired. He was totally silent, but he taught us a lesson about constantly waking up a sleeping baby. He played in bed in between his parents for over an hour. I thought only pregnant women were supposed to experience the 'Joy' of a baby kicking them in the ribs all night.

First, a little perspective

We are finally back from the trip to NY. I had a great time, but I’ll go into that later when I get the pics downloaded. I just want to say one thing. We really make life to complicated. We left my sister’s house yesterday at 7:45 am. Due to weather and delays and such we arrived home at 9:45 pm. That is 14 hours of traveling. Driving would have taken 16 and a half if we went the speed limit. We all have horror stories like this so I won’t go into detail. However, my boy performed like a champ. I can’t tell how fun it is when we land and the person in the seat in front of us says they didn’t know there was a baby behind them. All day long Jordan wanted to stand up and play with people. When we sat on the tarmac, he wouldn’t let me or the people next to me be unhappy. His parents spent all day worrying about the time and worrying about him. He didn’t care about the time and he knew he was OK. Sometimes I think adults make thing too complicated. He found the greatest joy in simply walking through the terminal while everyone smiled at him. I was complaining about my feet hurting. I was complaining about only being able to eat fast food when changing planes. He thinks formula is nature’s perfect food. He spent all day playing, napping, and eating. He loved every minute of it. I think sometimes we make being adults harder than it needs to be. We all got to walk, we all got to play with each other, we all got to eat, and we all got home. For a baby, that is a very good day.

Tour Update

On your mark...

Get Set

He's almost ready to go. Does this look like someone who is interested in crawling? This isn't a developmental thing so much as a tempermental thing. He's got the strength of a toddler and the energy of a small nuclear reactor. That's why I can't wait until next week. Next week is the next stop on the Party Pooper Tour '08. This next stop will take us to NYC and the lovely Pocono Mountains. While there I plan to enjoy other people holding onto the baby that loves to kick and hates to sit. I will enjoy watching his aunts' shirts be ruined. I will relax in a world class restaurant while Aunt Toni bathes the boy who does not stop splashing. I will drink cocktails with my wife while Aunt Traci feeds Jordan and Jordan tries to help while using his hands to grab pureed carrots. Some may call it a family reunion, but for his parents it will be a semi-vacation. I even got granddad to take pictures. OK I confess, I couldn't stop him if I tried. He has already finished half the video he is making for the trip that hasn't occured yet. The family has a pool for when the video will be finished and emailed to the parents. Granddad returns from the trip around dinnertime Monday. The pool currently is predicting that the odds are he will finish the video and email it before 8am Tuesday - 10am if he sleeps first.

PS - if anyone ever needs or wants to see the birthday montage again, I have moved it to the bottom of the screen.

Flipping the Script

Someone has decided to flip the script. Jordan is not a fussy baby, but like all babies he has likes and dislikes. He can balance on all fours and will do so if we put him in that position. However, after about 30 seconds he either lies down or asks to be picked up. He doesn’t seem to be interested in being on all fours at all. Now standing up is the real fun. Stand him up and let him lean on a table or chair and he loves it! He will laugh and hit and have a jolly time leaning on the coffee table. I am going to get a video of it this weekend – it is too cute. He can’t stand up without holding on, but sometimes he acts like he can get up and walk. Of course the problem is that if I were a betting man I’d say he walks before he crawls. He definitely has the strength and this kid only wants to go full speed. Plus he doesn’t like being on all fours. It’s hard to eat stuff when you can’t use your hands.

He has also started down a very dangerous path. He has started to play with his electronic toys. He doesn’t just hit them anymore, he uses them properly to make noise. He has not only figured out cause and effect (finally), but he realizes that electronics are fun when they make noise and light up. I think he might grow out of it eventually, but judging by the new GPS in my car it will take at least another 30 years. I think a couple of months ago the mama Ali switched my baby for a toddler. He wants to stand up even though he can’t yet. He plays with his battery powered toys. He waves good bye. He plays with himself during diaper changes. If he gets hungry enough he holds his own bottle. He loves to spit all over his parents. He’s becoming a little boy right before my eyes.

Milestones

Before

After

We have been reading him this story at least once a week for all of 2008, but he found it really funny this time. He has really started to laugh a lot more at a lot of stuff. He is a very happy baby, but he is also very very energetic. He is catching up to his actual growth chart, but he is still at adjusted development. He wears 12 month old clothes, fills 12 month diapers (Yikes), and has the energy and strength of a 12 month old. However, he developmentally doesn't have the balance. Imagine holding a 1 year old in your lap who is kicking you to get free. The problem is he can't walk or even crawl yet so if you put him down he's just going to lie there and taste the carpet and dogs. He thinks he can crawl, but he only sits when you out him down. I have no idea how I will be able to keep up with him later this year.

He is starting to interact with people in a very special way. He waves! I don't have it on video yet, but when other people wave at him he waves back. It's really cute for two reasons. First, he can only do that toddler fist thing. He waves by opening and losing his fist. Second, he is still working at it so he has to really pay attention when he waves. He doesn't look at the person he's waving at because he stares hard at his hand. Opening and closing his fist takes all of his concentration still and he looks so cute when he stares at his hands. I am going to get a video and try to post it next week.

Monday July 9th, 2007

By now I am used to nurses coming into the room in the middle of the night. They frequently come in for vitals and medicines as necessary. They always inadvertently wake me up as well. This time is different however. This nurse came in at 2am and is still here after half an hour. I have to go to work tomorrow and this nurse doesn’t seem to care. I later find out that she wasn’t there for vitals, but rather because the monitor was showing some patterned activity at regular intervals. She doesn’t leave until well after 3am. How incredibly rude of this woman to do her job while preventing me to get enough sleep so I can do mine. If an accountant doesn’t get enough sleep he can add wrong. What’s the worse that can happen if a nurse doesn’t do her job (To all you nurses, I’m kidding of course).

When I finally do get up at the proper time I get to do something I haven’t been able to do at any hospital thus far. We have our own bathroom complete with a shower! If this room did not have a shower, I would have had to go home last night, but thank goodness for small miracles. They probably charged me $5 dollars for the soap I used one time, but it was worth it. Soon it is time to tell the mama Ali goodbye again. The drive from Jacksonville to the house (I work near the house) is over an hour without traffic. The drive isn’t even the worst part, but gas is approaching two and a half bucks per gallon! That’s as much as a subway token – if this city had subways! In my mind I am not 100% sure if I am coming back to the hospital today. I’ll worry about that later. The last thing I tell her is to remember what I want for my birthday – nothing. I go straight to work. She calls me around lunch.

Ever since before we met, I wondered what my reaction would be when I got the call that the baby was coming. I never imagined that the main emotion would be dread. She says that according to the doctor the baby is still in the sac, and has stuck his foot out of the cervix without breaking the sac. It isn’t happening now, but it is happening today. In my mind I think ‘Push the foot back in!’ By now when I walk into my boss’ office with tears in my eyes he knows I have to go. Later I would feel terrible about missing so much work, but I also know that if he hadn’t let me go I would have quit in a heartbeat. I have to get back to Jacksonville – even if they charge me $3 per gallon!

I run to the house and pack my bag. I won’t be back until I’m a father. I’m a father. It made me so sad that it actually hurts to even think it. I start to cry again. This is so unf- who is calling me now! Two of my friends are calling to wish me a happy birthday. They start singing the song and they get halfway through before I cut them off. I am abrupt about it, but after I tell them why they understand. I know that for the rest of my life – good or bad – I will never celebrate July 9th as my birthday again. The drive to Jacksonville takes twice as long when you are afraid. As I would learn over the summer when you are afraid of death that drive never seems to end. I might have gotten there faster if I could just stop crying. I don’t know when it happened, but at some point I convinced myself the doctor was wrong. He was wrong and/or lying. The first doctor was wrong when he said she couldn’t last the weekend. This one must be wrong too. Or maybe he’s mistaken. The foot isn’t sticking out – it’s just the umbilical cord. The sac has somehow stretched thin and let a bit of the cord out. I’m just upset now. How could this idiot make a mistake like that? The baby is fine. We’ve already done 11 days, we can do another 11 easily. Friggin quack.

By the time I get to the hospital, we do the hand off. My in laws have been there all day. I get the evening. I want to see the doctor and give him what for, but I decide decorum is the better part of valor for now. I sit down with my wife and we look at each other for a few seconds. I think of everything she has worked for for the last 11 days and how she has so many more days to go. I feel…OUCH!!! We were holding hands and getting all emotional and she squeezes my hands like she’s mad at me. She’s never squeezed so hard. I look from my hand to her face – oh shit. Her eyes are closed. Her breathing is deep and rapid. There is a tear out of one eye. This is a textbook contraction. No one mentioned contractions. My wife is in labor. I look at the pain on her face and I finally, totally, and without reservation know that it is a matter of hours before we become parents.

No one ever mentioned any symptoms to me before this. All I received was one phone call from a woman who was probably in labor when she called. Her body was betrying her heart and mind after 11 days. I never found out for sure that the foot was sticking out, but it no longer mattered. Contractions were 15 to 20 minutes apart and by the time I arrived she was dilated past 6cm. More than enough for a 20 ounce baby. When the doctor finally checks on her again I forgot I was ever mad. This man was our only hope, but hope was the one thing he could not offer us. He asks which method of delivery we want. With c-section, when the baby is pulled out he could get his head bent back too far. Not a problem with 6 pounders, but at 1 pound and not many fused bones in his neck, it would be instantly fatal. With vaginal birth he could get his head caught in the womb while being… You know what? The doctor essentially asked us which way we want the baby to die. The odds were in our favor but as we would hear about everything between now and labor day, his size meant the odds were not good.

The most important thing now was to get the 2nd shot of steroids. If the baby came early, then so be it. However, the shot had to be given no earlier than 7 pm and should be given at least another hour after that to work its magic. We just have to hold on for another hour before we can even get the shot. Right now we just have to labor through it. As a man I won’t pretend to know how hard it was for her, but for me the next hour was the longest hour of the entire time in the hospital – even longer than the hour I drove to get up to the hospital. It was active labor and her body was contracting. There was no way to stop it and I know that she was fighting it with every ounce of strength she had. This wasn’t supposed to be happening to us now.

By the time 7pm rolls around we finally get the shot. I still don’t remember where it was, but it wasn’t the belly and the needle was big. Then it was time to relax. Except in this case relax means to lie in bed in complete fear while your body is in active labor. My job is to do a little bit of everything. I have to hold hands, but I also have to get her a drink of water which is on the other side of the bed. I have to wipe down her forehead. I have to call the nurse. I have to do it all at the same time. I am totally ok with it because I would much rather be going through the emotional pain rather than the physical and emotional even more. The mama Ali has wanted to be pregnant for the longest time. I think she was looking forward to pregnancy before we even met. She felt that it was her fault the she was in the hospital. That it was something she did wrong. Now she was in labor and she felt it was also her fault. It took me weeks to convince her that this wasn’t her fault. In fact, this whole thing started with her feeling bad and going to see her OB for an emergency appointment. I know within my heart that if the situation had been reversed I would have tried to tough it out and not gone to see the doctor. In that aspect it is her fault she is in the hospital in labor right now, because if the situation had been reversed it probably would have ended as a miscarriage at home a week earlier.

My sister in law Liz arrives soon to help but I am not leaving the mama Ali tonight. She wouldn’t let me if I tried. However, we start to settle into some sort of routine for the next hour or so. Then we are to receive the epidural. I am glad to see that we are getting the doctor and not an assistant for this procedure. However, things do not go smoothly. Over the last 11 days my wife has been poked, pinched, stuck, and shot more times than you can shake a stick at. Now she has to get another series of injections directly into the spine. Let’s just say that she was relieved when the epidural was finally over. There was no epidural for the emotional pain.

Too soon the nurse does her final exam and calls the doctor. There isn’t full dilation yet, but there doesn’t need to be at 23 weeks and 3 days. She notifies the doctor and it is decided that it is time for the pregnancy to end. We are in line to deliver the baby. There are some people in front of us and as we can (and should) wait longer to deliver, we are given time before we go into delivery. As the husband, I am given scrubs to put on. Then the 3 of us are left alone in the room. There’s nothing to say so I don’t even try. Fear, shame, excitement, anger, grief, it’s all good, and it’s all there. In a few minutes it’s time for the parents to go to the operating room. The new aunt gets left behind.

To this day I don’t know why they had us in an operating room when I remember clearly there was no surgeon at all or surgical tools that I could see. There was our OB, and two assisting nurses. There were also 3 nurses in the back of the room standing next to a door. That door led to the NICU. The operating room was filled with other weird machines and contraptions, and for some reason a computer with a keyboard. The doctor finally breaks the infamous amnotic sac and starts to work but it becomes apparent that the epidural needs to be turned up. While we wait for that doctor to arrive, we are all left kind of standing around. The OB can’t do his work, there are five nurses for the baby who can’t do anything, even I can’t do my coaching. I figured coaching would be taught in one of those classes that people take in the third trimester. Maybe next pregnancy. Within a few minutes I confess my attention begins to wander and I start looking at some of the machines and wondering what they do and how they do it. The mama Ali makes clear her disapproval and I snap back to attention. Soon the other doctor comes and turns up the drip on the happy juice and it’s finally time. I have lived 30 years, and been married 6. I have had some intense fights with my father, had some real wars with my sister, and even fought with my bride all day on our wedding day. The most difficult and painful words I ever had to say in my life was when I had to lean over and tell my wife after 23 and a half weeks of pregnancy, “OK baby, it’s time to push.”

Pushing did not last too long as I remember it, but the person pushing might have a different opinion. I do remember that the doctor cut the cord before the baby was all of the way out. I do remember that the doctor made no pretense at showing us the baby or congratulating us. I do remember hearing a cry as the doctor handed him to the nurses who immediately ran from the room. There was no placing the baby on momma’s belly. No wipe down of the afterbirth. No measurements. The baby would be able to take two or three breaths on his own and then suffocate without help. I would not hear the baby cry again for two months. I didn’t get a good look at him and he was out of the room before the mama Ali opened her eyes. I don’t remember what he looked like, but I remember how small he was. I remember thinking that in general grandparents usually say they could eat the baby right up. This baby looked so small that I believed they could. I remember looking up at the clock and it was 10 pm. It was 10 o’clock and I didn’t know where my child was. Nothing was the best present I could have gotten for my birthday, but this was definitely the second best present.

When we get back to the room, my sister in law is waiting to find out how it went. The delivery went as expected, but that’s all we know. We are told that they are working on the baby and that they will let us know when we can go see him. The nurse privately tells me that if for some reason he doesn’t respond to treatment, they will bring us to the NICU asap. She doesn’t mention that they would only do that so we can say goodbye. The mama Ali was still recovering from pregnancy and they wouldn’t let her get up, but at least she could now lie with her head above her feet. It was my job to call both sets of the new grandparents. Everyone else could wait until tomorrow because I was in no mood to talk. I just need to know how the baby is. I don’t bother the nurse because she doesn’t know and she will just try to placate me. I don’t need reassurance. I need information dammit!

When the neonatologist walks in, she is wearing one of those gowns that goes over the scrubs and to me she looked like the angel of death. I just knew that he didn’t make it and we didn’t even get to hold him. In reality, she gave us the best news that she could. The baby was stable. He responded well to the treatment so far and he was stable. She couldn’t say the baby was fine because I don’t think anyone said that about Jordan until August. She then went over some of the potential complications that could occur at anytime – some of which was beyond their control to treat. It was a rather grim conversation.

The nurses still want the the mama Ali in bed. They have to monitor her vitals for a while and she isn’t allowed to get out of bed. After a few minutes, the mama Ali tells me to go without her. I want to stay with her to show support, but she is right. We don’t know what is happening and the baby deserves to be with at least one of his parents if things get really bad really fast. After I am sure the door to the room is securely closed, I literally run down the hallway to the NICU. The nurse on duty tells me to scrub my hands for 3 minutes by the timer and then she’ll show me the way. I care nothing for washing my hands, but I know I am washing my hands for baby, not me. I just need to see him. As the nurse walks me through the NICU I feel like a condemned man walking to the electric chair. I see really little babies hooked up to lots of support. I am filled with sadness at the little suffering bodies who don’t know life yet, only medicine. The nurse interrupts my thougts by pointing out my son 10 feet ahead.

His area is a bay in the NICU. The back is a wall and the two sides are curtains. If necessary the curtains can be drawn across the front to provide privacy. The wall is decorated with kids drawings and accented with blue trim. The baby is also blue. He is bathed in this blue light that looks a lot like a tanning light, but it makes him look blue. Healthy babies aren’t blue! Had there not been a chair next to the ‘bed’ I might have collapsed on the floor in total despair. As I sat in the chair the entire weight of the last 11 days is coming out. I cry as I have never cried before. Compared to this, June 29th was a weep. There are no thoughts. No insights. All that’s happening is that this is my son, he’s going to die before he had a chance to live, and it’s not fair!

I have been fortunate in that the only death I have known previously has been that of older relatives. The youngest funeral I ever attended was for my aunt Carole and she was in her early 60s. At her funeral I cried because of the memories I had of her. Tonight I cried because of the memories I wouldn’t have. I cried because there would be no Christmas. No skinned knees. No temper tantrums in a crowded restaurant. I cried because July 9th just became the worst day of my life, not just the first. I cried for longer and deeper than I ever have. I was in a dark place that I was prepared to stay in for a very long time. I don’t know what happened, but I heard a voice that said that this is my son. My first born son was lying lying next to me and he’s going to die. Don’t let his only memory be the memory of his father crying. Don’t be afraid to show him emotions, but don’t let the only emotion he ever knows be grief. For the first time in an hour I open my eyes.

I never got the chance to really examine the baby before. He was lying on his back on a special table. It was surrounded on all sides by a 3 inch tall plastic barrier, but was otherwise open. There was a heater above keeping him warm and the tanning lamp next to him that made him look blue. He was lying on a foam pad about as long as my foot. He was surrounded above and on the sides by something the size and shape of a shoe box but made of clear plastic. A machine was pumping some sort of mist into the showbox. He was surrounded by blankets, but not covered so that the heater could keep him warm. He was wearing a mask over his eyes so that if he ever attempted to open his eyes he wouldn’t be blinded by the tanning lights. He had leads in several areas over his chest to measure his vitals. There are several I.V.s, but because it still works for now, they are all placed in the navel. His arms are no thicker than my fingers. He was just starting to grow hair. I can see the future hairline, but the hair is just barely starting to sprout. He has a tube coming from his mouth to the ventilator. It is a very unusual ventilator. Rather than attempt to have him breathe at a normal pace, it does the breathing cycle over a hundred times a minute. It actually vibrates his chest and many NICUs use it for the smallest patients. The baby was of course not completely developed so his skin looks kind of thin. The nurses inform me that the baby’s skin is so new that they actually don’t wish to be touched at all. It’s too sensitive. At any rate he can’t be held until he is off of the vent.

As my sister in law joins me at the bedside, my tears have slowed to a trickle. For some reason the thought of him filled me with fear, but the sight of him is completely different. I don’t want to say that I feel hope, but definitely an absence of fear. When my sister in law comes I introduce the baby as if I have known him for years. In reality we haven’t even officially named him yet (That was going to occur in the 3rd trimester). Again, I feel a sense of pride as he kicks, but this time I can see it. Five minutes after baby neets his aunt, a nurse wheels in his mother in a wheel chair. There is no introduction here. Mothers have a bond with baby and for 11 days she has done nothing but strengthen that bond. Baby doesn’t move or react in anyway, but he gets his mother to do something I haven’t seen in July at all. She smiles.

As difficult as the last 11 days were, the next 109 were going to be the most difficult of our lives. There were over 95 round trips made by us to the hospital equaling over 12,000 miles. We stayed at the Ronald McDonald house 6 times and in the NICU itself 3. My wife and I would have our most raw fears and emotions exposed which led to too many fights in the hallway outside the NICU. I personally would wash my hands at the scrubbing sink for some 150 times – about seven and a half hours in total. I would cook at home 5 times and gain about 20 pounds. I would pay over $3 for a gallon of gas and complain about it. We would be called by the doctor to spend the night at the hospital twice. The baby would have it harder. He would have a machine breathe for him for the first month of life. He would not know the feeling of no IV sticking him for another month after that. He would experience more X rays in 3 months than I have experienced in my life. Of course he would also experience many kangaroo cares, messy diapers, tube feedings, bottles, and one special car ride. Those 109 days days for the baby however, is an entirely different story.

Happy Birthday, son.