Jordan's Journey

Back by Popular Demand!

2010-04-22T06:25:00.021-04:00

OK, so I hadn't planned on doing a lot more posting on this blog since Jordan is clearly a toddler now. The idea was that no one wants to hear stories about new words, learning the potty, and how much of a genius I think my kid is (he is pretty friggin smart). However, a bunch of people have been asking lately for exactly that. So here'the deal - I will post on major events and give updates, but it won't be just about the developmental milestones only. He is always going to have to be checked for complications of the prematurity, but right now he is perfectly normal - which is all I ever wanted.

So Jordan can now talk a bit. He had that surgery last year and can now stick out his tounge but still doesn't make the S or L sounds. Not really an issue yet, but we may see a therapist about that later this year. With the new vocab comes those wonderful toddler words like No, Mine, and Stop (he says that mostly to the dogs). He has too many adorable actions to count, but some are just really cute. As I have mentioned so some people over the phone, he loves cougars! When we take him to the playground he just seems to be drawn to older (4 and 5 year old) girls. They think of him as a baby who needs to be coddled and sometimes even carried. They help him up and down stairs and show him how to play. I don't carry him much anymore, and when we play I pretty much follow his lead. He loves that attention from those girls like it was a drug. He also can pee in the potty when we tell him, but if we don't tell him he will wet his pants and not tell anyone. He will try and hold it for a few minutes, but if we don't remember he won't ask. He knows when he does the solids but isn't yet ready to put that where is belongs. Sometimes we use the big boy pants at our peril. Right now I won't post any pics since he'll be reading this in 5-10 years, but the pics do exist so don't push me boy.

Right now we are in that golden age of parenting when Jordan thinks his old man is the smartest person in the world, and I know that I only have 5 years left before he changes his mind so I have really taken advatage of the situation. As mama would say, he's all boy. One of our (not her) favorite games is when I pick him up and throw him. I always make sure he lands on a couch or mattress, but as he gets older I get to throw him farther. My personal best is now over two feet. We also play this game where we bite each others finger. I don't really get the point but it makes him squeal like a pig.

I will post pics of Xmas soon, but even more fun was our trip to Busch Gardens. We took him to the park and got to see some animals. However, that wasn't his best part. We also took him on the cable cars which he loved, but that wasn't his best part either. He loved the trains most of all. He loved them so much that I didn't realize that the two trains were different colors until he mentioned it (Gween Twain! Yewwow Twain!). Of course there were some other nice parts as well...

He had a bit of a delayed reaction because he didn't actually get wet. He liked getting hit by the mist, but wanted nothing to do with the splash. In fact, we thought he didn't want to get wet at all

But if you listen to the first clip, you hear him say roller coaster a couple of times. This was the only roller coaster in the park that he was tall enough to go on alone.

That last clip was taken at about 2:30 in the afternoon. Now take someone with the judgement and maturity of a 2 year old and then add in his two year old son to help make decisions then this is what happens by 4 o'clock.

Now before anyone gets all upset, it was his idea to do that. After we did it he couldn't stop asking to do the boat again for the rest of the day. We had to find something to do to take his mind off of the boat. I must warn you in advance that you must tilt your head to the left to see this.

A Tale of Two Sisters

2009-10-28T15:28:00.020-04:00

It has been a great month for the little guy. For one thing, he got to see both of his sisters. Aunt Rochelle came to visit us from NY and then we went to Atlanta so I could go to homecoming for my alma mater while Jordan spent some time with Aunt Traci. It was so cute watching the two aunts try and get Jordan to like them. Jordan is two years old. He likes everybody and desperately wants everybody to like him. All you have to do is give him attention and he is your friend. I told that story a few months ago about the kid who tried to take the tricycle at his birthday party. Jordan still tries to get that kid to like him.

So anyway, this was Rochelle's first time seeing Jordan in 14 months. He was just waking up from his nap so he was pretty sleepy.

Soon enough he was going full speed and had Aunt Rochelle chasing after him.

I enjoyed the rest.

We decided it would be a great day to go to the beach. I would just like to take a minute to complain about this. It is 90 degrees outside, halloween is in 2 days and I'm friggin tired. Some people may be reading this when it's cold out, but I am jealous. Summer shouldn't last 6 damn months! Anyway, we had a great time at the beach.

This was 2 pm

This was 2:15 pm

This was 2:30

Of course Aunt Rochelle played games with Jordan in the tunnel. Then she played with Jordan at the beach. Then it was time for Jordan to learn some of Aunt Rochelle's games.

I think she learned this one in college. After Aunt Rochelle went home we had a party. One of Jordan's friend's turned three so we had a party for her at our house. However, we had her do the cooking...

What happens when you mix three toddlers, three pots, and three spoons? Nothing that you would want to eat.

Later that week we went to Atlanta to visit Aunt Traci. Sort of. She had to work that week so I actually don't have a lot of pics of them together. We spent the first day visiting the Children's Museum. This is him walking in the museum for the first time.

He loved that place, but I can't really say that he learned all that much. He already knew how to do this.

At the end they had a buy come in a teach the kids how to play instruments. Guess which one Jordan liked the most.

Of course if you have a toddler in Atlanta you have to take him to the aquarium. This was the first fish he saw. He acted like he usually acts. He didn't run away, but he didn't run closer. Didn't scream, but didn't laugh. He doesn't get too far but not too close. You can't see his face but you know he's thinking a mile a minute.

This was too cute. There was a tunnell around the back of this tank for the kids. However, Nama had to go back there too to show Jordan where the camera was. Otherwise he would have just run right through the tunnell without even slowing down. Thanks Mom.

And of course Aunti Traci got to spend a day with Jordan too. When you are a parent you expect your siblings to spoil kids rotten. I expected Traci to give Jordan Ice Cream, and soda, and stuff like that. Apparently, she was content feeding my son a crayon.

Terrific Twos

2009-08-26T20:44:00.004-04:00

I don't know how to embed a youtube in a post yet so I had to provide a link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1xTlADyruI

He was so cute, but there is a little problem. He thinks he can swim.

All parents are full of pride when their kid does this and we are no different. We took this video over a week ago. Now he can recognize about 10 letters. As you can see he thinks 'YAY' is the 27th letter of the alphabet. I don't think people will still be using the web in 30 years but I would love to show my grandkids how their dad called W 'dub'.

My boy is becoming more of a toddler every day - he makes the rules. Last month we had an elmo birthday party because that's pretty much 80% of what we let him watch. Today, he is all about Blue's Clues and to hell with Elmo. We didn't want to change, but he's old enough to say what he wants and too young to reason with. We have a bookstore by our house with toy cars in the kids play area. Cars are his favorite toy and sometimes we take him to the bookstore and let him play for half an hour while we read. Sometimes he makes us read him something. However, he has taken to crying in the car every time we drive by the store - which we have to do to get to the interstate. Yesterday I tried to take a back road to avoid the whole mall area and mr. navigator wasn't having it. He knew what I was trying to do and he had to regulate. I am ashamed to admit that there have been times I have chosen where to grocery shop based on which shopping cart he likes the most.

His food is the weirdest thing about him. He is getting even pickier about his diet, but it was pretty limited before. He very rarely swallows meat. If you give it to him he will chew out all the juice and seasoning, then spit out the left overs. That reminds me, I didn't do it, but don't ever teach 2 year olds how to spit. It never gets old for them. He only eats a couple of veggies and you have to give him the right veggies at the right time. The only things he will always eat is fruit and grandma's cornbread. If I let him he would eat strawberries and peaches for dinner every night.

All that being said, I am loving this whole daddy thing. First, he is getting bigger all the time. 2 year old boys like to roughhouse and sometimes I am not necessarily the adult. Also 2 year old boys think daddys are cool. When I burp in front of Jordan my mom thinks I'm gross but all Jordan thinks is, "Damn, how does he do that?". When Jordan steps on my feet, I knock him down. He gets back up and steps on them again. He wants to be knocked down. Mommy is fun too, but mommy doesn't ever body slam Jordan. Mommy just comforts Jordan after he has been body slammed one too many times.

Potty time, Party time

2009-07-15T21:04:00.009-04:00

I know I am supposed to talk about the birthday party, but Jordan flipped the script. He got pee pee in the potty today (be quiet dad)! We've been working on this for over a month now and had no success until now! In the interest of good taste I didn't take a picture of it so you'll just have to trust me. He's gone from 0% potty trained to 1% potty trained. From what I hear it will take at least the rest of this year with a boy.

Before you become a parent, you think spending money for a cake with cartoon characters is silly. Two years in, I think it is cool.

One of Jordan's aunts came to visit for the party. He liked Aunt Traci.

He LOVED Aunt Traci's dogs. I think the dogs must have loved him back.

I don't think he cared much for the party hat.

I mean he REALLY, loved those dogs.

Of course he had no interest in blowing up the little party favors when it is so much easier to eat them.

The funniest story of the party was associated with this picture. This was obviously one of Jordan's gifts. In order to make this year's party more kid focused than last year we also invited a 3 year old boy who Jordan saw only once before when Jordan was about 15 months old. They have seen each other but that's about it. Anyway, the 3 year old got a hold of the trike when Jordan was away. Jordan comes back and sees this three year old on the trike. Jordan is two years old and an only child. He has no ability to understand the concept of sharing or taking turns. However, he can tell pretty quick that he can't physically force a 3 year old to do a damn thing. He solves the problem the only way he knows how. He walks over to Hassan (the 3 year old), sticks both of his arms straight up in the air, and shouts 'UP!'. It didn't work so he repeats it a good dozen times or so - UP! UP! UP! By this time all the adults in the room are looking at this. I still don't know if Hassan ever paid attention but it was adorable. Jordan was trying to have an argument with a 12 word vocabulary and he used the only word that fit the situation. I swear if I was a better father I might have tried to help my son rather than get the camera. Unfortunately, I didn't get the camera in time. Hassan got off when he got bored, but I secretly wanted him to stay on for another minute or so.

Jordan went to the pediatrician yesterday for his 2 year old checkup. Jordan was completely up to date on his shots so yesterday was strictly a checkup. He is about 40% on the height chart but just barely 5% on the weight chart, which means he's still skinny. He weighed 23 pounds 3 ounces with his clothes and diaper on so he's probably about 22 and a half naked. The doctor said that he is doing well enough that our next scheduled appointment is for his three year old checkup next July!

In the world in which we live there were about 3 digital cameras at the birthday party beyond mine. That means I haven't gotten all of the photos yet. Anyone who has photos please send them to me (Aunt Traci). If you are waiting to see more photos I should have them up in a few days.

Happy Birthday Son!

2009-07-09T22:23:00.004-04:00

Jordan went with the mama Ali to visit family in Chicago last week. Most of the pics are of people close to us but no one wants to see a dozen pics of Uncle Joe and Aunt Jane. They wants pics of my main man.

He looks like he's been crying, but we told him that once he's two crying isn't allowed anymore.

I don't even remember doing this, but this is the type of thing I do with him a lot. If I dance he will dance. Neither os us is very good but when he does it he's cute. Notice how he is left legged. He doesn't pick up his right leg once.

Jordan is growing so fast lately it is hard to believe. He now says please and thank you when you remind him. He does it with the signing so that makes it even more adorable. He is so funny when he signs that sometimes I try to teach him signs he doesn't need to know. Last month I tried to teach him the signs for mommy and daddy even though those are the first two words he learned and two of the few he says clearly. He is also trying to say the alphabet when he watches Sesame Street. It is too cute because he can't say more than 10 of the letters properly. He still doesn't ever make the K or S sound at all so that eliminates about 5 letters right there. He just says vowel sounds along with the TV (or as he says AHH-me). He also knows how to hold up two fingers for the number two. It was something he picked up in Chicago. The only thing is that he holds up each of his index fingers, so he needs two hands two hold up two fingers. If I sent him to New York to visit my father's side of the family he'd only know how to hold up one finger - and it wouldn't be his index.

Jordan is having a party that weekend to celebrate the birthday so will definitely have some nice pictures up soon. Check back next week.

From NICU to PICU

2009-06-26T11:56:00.000-04:00

So of course Jordan had his surgery Tuesday. There was actually a mix up on Monday that almost cause the thing to be postponed again. The hospital always confirms the day of the surgery, but never confirms the time until the day before the surgery. The call the evening before to tell you what time to show up and of course I stepped out of the house right when they called. They left a message to return the call, but I didn't get the message until after business hours. Anyway, we know that they do surgeries in order of age with the youngest first so Jordan was likely to be first or second. To get to Jacksonville first we woke up the baby around 5 am. There's no problem with the parents getting up first, but we had to wake up Jordan, dress him, give him some foul tasting medicine, and load him in the car before sunrise. All of this without eating or drinking anything except medicine. He got is revenge in the hospital the way that only my son would. He didn't fuss much, he just started running away after he was wearing his little gown. He was adorable and all, but mama and I had to take turns chasing him down while the other answered question for the nurses. The other parents thought he was too cute. I thought he was too quick.

The surgery was to laser out some of the fluid filled cysts in his throat. All of them together created a kind of whistle which gave Jordan a virtually constant wheeze. The doctor told us it would take about an hour and a half to fix it and as she promised we saw her almost right on time. The procedure went perfect and the kid was in recovery. They have this policy where they don't let the parents into the first recovery area so we had to wait another 20 minutes or so until they moved him to his room in the pediatric intensive care unit (PICU). They told us before time that Jordan no matter how this went was going to spend a night in the hospital for observation. The PICU took up most of the 3rd floor of the hospital and I was secretly happy to see that at least half the rooms were empty. If you ask me, children's hospitals should be fully funded but completely empty of patients. My old NICU manners didn't let me stare into the occupied rooms, but I did notice that all the other ones I saw must have been older than Jordan because no one else was in a crib. Jordan was in a weird metal crib whose sides must have been a little over 2 feet high because they went up to his neck when standing. Of course at the time he was sitting with an IV in his left hand (we should have told them he was left handed) and a bunch of leads. He was also pretty punch drunk because he was reclining (he never reclines while he's awake). The TV was turned to Sesame Street so he made no serious attempt to acknowledge his parents or the two nurses attending to him. He was in some sort of nitrous/elmo haze so we let him be. We saw the familiar monitor keeping track of all the vitals and smelled the familiar smell, and I felt nothing. He was satting about 97%. His heart rate was good. After my experience with that machine, I felt absolutely no fear at all. The entire time when the alarms went off, I knew if was because the machine was wrong.

Jordan has certain rules at home that we try to follow. He doesn't get a pacifier any more. We try to limit him to an hour of TV (though we strongly suspect his grandparents don't). He doesn't use a sippy cup anymore. If you want an object you either name it, sign it, or point it. You eat in the chair and try to feed yourself. All of those rules were suspended in the hospital. He got all the TV he wanted, drank from a sippy cup, and spent most of the day with a pacifier in his mouth. And he still spent half the day fussing. We think he had gas, but what ever it was he was cranky. He spent the first 6 hours either crying, watching TV, or both. Of course 2 year olds don't just cry either. For him, crying is a full contact sport that involves climbing out of the crib, pulling at leads, and climbing on any adult within arms reach. When he gets a tantrum, I get out of breath. He didn't really calm down until dinner came.

Jordan is usually a picky eater, but that hospital food must have had something special in it. He ate Jello (which we thought he hated). He ate mashed potatoes and gravy and corn (he hates corn at home). He did chicken his own special way. That means grabbing the drumstick, putting the narrow end in the mouth, removing the skin and cartilage and sucking on the bone – under no circumstances eating any meat. Even Mima and Pop pop were amazed at how much he ate when they showed up around dinner time. He ate so much that he took a nap at 6pm (something else he isn't allowed to do at home because of his 8pm bedtime). By the time he woke up we let him has a disney movie for the first time. We have nothing against disney, but at home we limit him to the educational stuff. Madagascar may be funny to big kids, but it's nothing more than pretty pictures to a two year old. By the time he finally got to sleep, we headed to the cafeteria to get something for us to eat.

The next morning we noticed we couldn't hear Jordan breathing. His number were fine, but we just couldn't hear him. In the past, if you couldn't hear Jordan breathe in a quiet room, he wasn't in it. When the doctor came in to listen to him breathe, she confirmed what I thought. The stridor is gone. She told us to come back in a month for a regular visit to see how the scars are healing, but for now we could go home. We were out of the hospital within an hour of the doctor writing the order.

Long Story Short

2009-06-12T22:01:00.004-04:00

I know I haven't been posting in a while I have been busy with some other suff that kept me busy for the last month. While I have been keeping busy, Jordan has too. He became a friggin toddler...Look!

We have to turn him at an angle to fit on the changing table. He is above the 85th percentile for height for his actual age. He is taller than 85% of kids born on his birthday. However, he isn't on the chart for weight. Less than 5% of kids born the same day weigh less. Look at those legs. Considering where he started and where he is, it is hard to believe that at one point he was chubby. I think it was a Tuesday.

His surgery was postponed before because of a respiratory infection. I'm not saying this is where he got it, but I didn't let any dogs near my mouth and I feel fine.

The procedure has been rescheduled for June 23rd. We are going to try to limit him to eating less than 3 toys off of the floor per day. Maybe then he can avoid the germs for a day or two. Toddlers love to find germs. Toddlers also love to play with toys what ain't not toys.

You think he gives that much attention to his toy camera? Forget it.

Jordan has really gotten better with his communication. He understands many simple phrases and questions directed at him. He is getting the timing of his 'no's to be much better too. He can do about 3 or 4 signs, identify 3 or 4 of his body parts, and speak another half dozen words that he doesn't know the signs for. It's so cute but I won't be posting videos of that anytime soon. He's at the stage where the parents can understand him, but if I showed him saying door, it would sound the same to the untrained ear as dog and daddy. I will try and get a video of him playing up soon because he is just a whirlwind of motion.

Rain Date

2009-05-27T09:53:00.002-04:00

Well, Jordan didn't have surgery yesterday. Before going in to the hospital we had to get approval from the pediatrician. Well, Jordan had and stil has an upper respiratory infection - a.k.a. the sniffles. Not at all unusual for someone who thinks daddy's flip flops taste good. Kids this age are usually sick with something and I wouldn't even mention it except he needs to be perfectly healthy before they put him under. We are trying to get the surgery moved to next week. I'll post a more detailed update as soon as I can get some more info.

2009-05-19T12:48:00.005-04:00

You ever heard of the books that say you can teach your kid sign language?

Well here's proof. He doesn't truly understand what he's saying (no difference between 'more' or 'food'). However he does know that when he gives the sign we feed him. That's pretty cool. This one is pretty cool too.

Jordan is so cute when he plays this game, but there is one problem. He can only get two parts rights before he gets confused. We taught him his head, belly, and feet. On any given day he'll remember the head and one other. This particular day was the belly.

We finally found out when the next surgery is going to be. It is a week from today, the day after memorial day. They are going to use an endoscope very similar to the last one they used, but this one will have a laser on it. There is a cyst in the middle of the vocal chords and three cysts right below them in the windpipe. The one in the vocal chords is probably restricing the volume and the other three are acting almost like a whistle. The doctor believes that all are fluid filled cysts which should be able to be excised pretty easily with the laser. As a result Jordan is definitely going to spend Tuesday night in the hospital for monitoring. That will be a good thing considering last time.

Last time Jordan was pretty fussy. He spent all day crying so much that I caved in and gave him a pacifier. It turns out that he was fussing for a reason I never predicted. After shoving the endoscope down his throat he had pretty bad gas. He calmed down after he let out a belch and filled up a pretty mean diaper. Then he took off. I miss the baby. Now, I've got a little toddler who has learned how to run and only speaks 5 words (Mommy, daddy, bye, no, and more). If he can't express himself in those words he doesn't cry. He just says bye and runs away. I can't believe there was a time when I wanted him to learn how to walk.

Operation Recap

2009-05-05T19:30:00.004-04:00

Well, we are home. The day went as smoothly as it could have possibly gone and the baby is currently resting in (my) bed. We had to arrive at the hospital by 7:30am which meant we had to leave home by 6:15. We get to the hospital and there is a little mix up with the paperwork but they did us a real solid. We told them that we left the paperwork with a nurse at out previous visit and rather than doubting us and assuming we were lying, they actually looked for the paperwork and found it.

I won't go into the boring details except to say that between 7:30 and the scheduled 9:30 procedure we spent about 90% of the time just waiting. We waited in 3 different roomswith play areas for the kids. I'm sure all parents do this at some point, but I think the urge is even stronger when your kid has something wrong with them. You compare kids. Mentally I tried comparing Jordan developmentally with other kids his size (Who stack blocks better? Who rocks better on the rocking horse?). I also compared behavior (That kid cries more than my kid. The other kid can count to two and my kid can't even say two). I compared size (Jordan is 10% on his height chart but not yet on the weight chart so he's always too skinny). I eventually got bored and played pac man on the video game system. The mama Ali thought I should have let some of the other kids play.

The procedure itself went off very smoothly. The doctor took one of her little video scopes down Jordan's throat to see what is causing the stridor. It turns out that Jordan has 4 cysts in there. The surgeon even showed us the photos (I won't post them). The cysts are clearly restricting the air flow in there and the surgeon said she wants to remove them. She wants to laser them out at a time yet to be determined but certainly before the end of the summer (Thanksgiving day here in FL). She also fixed his tongue which she said would have definitely been a speech impediment.

After the procedure we finally got to see Jordan after he spent 20 minutes in recovery. The recovery area we were in was pretty loud. Every pateint under the age of six was pissed off including my son. The boy hadn't eaten, was in a strange place, still felt the effects of the happy juice, sore, and had an IV in his left hand (that's pretty bad when you're left handed). We knew this going in and agreed to bend the rules for today. Jordan got all the pacifier he wanted. If fact he got more today than the rest of 2009. We even let him try Gatorade even though he's been limited to fruit juice and milk before now. It made little difference. He cried himself to sleep - I think twice. Finally at 1pm the let us out and the nurses reaction were so funny. They were making a big deal for Jordan because he got to leave the hospital. "Yay Jordan! You get to go home!" "I bet your happy to be leaving the hospital huh Jordan?" "Jordan you made it!" The nurses were making a big deal because we had been in the hospital for five and a half hours. If only they knew...

Pre Op Preview

2009-05-01T09:23:00.013-04:00

It turns out that I didn't post any pics from Easter. Here is the best video. He still has a bunch of the plastic eggs that he loves to play with. Anyone who has been the parent of a one and a half year old knows better than to use real eggs.

It isn't important to know why I ended up in the box, it's just important to know that he wanted to join me in there. Sometimes a man needs to play with cardboard.

After the cardboard, all of us decided to go for a drive. The mama Ali called shotgun so guess who got to drive?

You know how when you live somplace you never get to do the tourist stuff? New Yorkers never go to the Statue of Liberty. People in DC never visit the Smithsonian after grade school. Well After being home for a year and a half, Jordan drove 6 miles east for his first visit to the beach. He has now been to the beach as many times as he has been to Times Square (1000 miles north).

After the last video, this was the next obvious step. You can see how much he hates bathtime.

Yesterday was our last preparation before Tuesday's procedure. We went to the hospital in Jacksonville to visit the anestesiologist. She gave us a couple of meds to give him this weekend and made sure that we knew what to expect. Anyone who has ever had surgery knows not to eat or drink before hand, but this will be a problem. When you have a kid, you have a schedule. His schedule usually has breakfast by 9am. We can't even give him water within 4 hours of the surgery. We don't know what time it will be, but either we wake him early to get hime there and he gets hungry, or we wakes up at the normal time and he gets hungry. Either way the doctor makes the rules and the parents catch hell. Oh yeah, we also have to give him a breathing treatment before putting him in the car. He hates those.

On Tuesday we will go to the hospital at a time TBD. After changing the lil' tornado into a hospital gown they will time to the OR. They will fix his tongue and place a tube in his throat to see what they can find. They know what is obstructing the airway, but they need to know why. With luck the might be able to fix it right then, but that probably will happen in the future. Then he goes into recovery. If he recovers well we can go home before dinner. Otherwise he may have to stay in the hospital overnight for observation. Personally I want him to stay overnight. Jordan is going to be hungry as hell, mad as a wet hen, and his throat will be as sore as sh!t. I want to people who cause that to happen to deal with the consequences while I relax in an easy chair reading the night away. Like I always say, don't do the crime if you can't change the diapers full of crap.

Phoning it in

2009-04-15T21:11:00.009-04:00

I'm phoning this post in - literally. I recently got a new cell phone, but just figured out how to transfer the pictures to the computer. It's pretty cool because I don't walk around with my camera usually, so my phone catches the cute stuff.

This was actually taken by another camera and sent to me. It is VERY rare to get a picture of Jordan smiling, standing up, standing still, looking at the camera, and not reaching for the camera. The pic was taken in January and it hasn't happened since.

"Listen up. I work hard, I play hard, and I rest hard."

I'm not making him mow the lawn yet, but soon.

The few who have seen this thought he shouldn't have done it. I say his diaper also doubles as a seat cushion.

This is how he handles toys that move. He's not hating it, but he's not liking it either.

Why was Jordan smiling? Today was tax day. I already filed, but I had to remember to pay my taxes. This picture was taken after traveling to the doctors office. I have to make sure my boy has health coverage. I had a salad for lunch. My mother's birthday is tomorrow and I have to get her a present. I woke up this morning with a stiff neck because I slept in a weird position.

Jordan doesn't have a concept of taxes, or bills, or limited amounts of money. He has two years before he has to worry about school, another decade before his first paper route, and another decade after that before getting benefits. He has a weight problem which involves us trying to get him to eat ice cream. The only present he has for nama is a loaded diaper and she'll have the nerve to treat it as an accomplishment. When he wakes up in the morning his body can do one new thing that it couldn't do yesterday. Who wouldn't be happy with that!

Tounge Untied

2009-04-09T15:00:00.003-04:00

There was a full moon in Florida last night.

This is what happens when you try to change Mr. man's diaper in the backseat of the car. The still photo doesn't really do it justice, but he ended up standing up holding onto the liner within a minute. He really wanted to examine the dome lights in the roof.

Jordan has been really going full speed lately, and I do mean full speed. He has figured out what light switches do and thinks that it is magic. He doesn't just hit the switch once or twice. He flips the switch a dozen times or more. It somehow gets more amazing each time. It would be more amazing if he got to do it at night, but his bedtime is just before sunset. He also loves cars. He now knows when we are getting ready to leave the house and as soon as we open the door, he runs out to the car and tries to pull on the handle to get in, but there's a catch. He always tries to get into the front seat. He loves to sit on our laps and steer, and honk, and push buttons, and turn on the high beams. If I let him he would sit in daddy's car all day and push buttons on the radio and the bluetooth. He may grow out of it one day, but judging by me it will take more than 30 years.

Jordan has also started to talk a bit more. Of course he can say 'No'. He has gotten better at mama and daddy, but he just likes the word daddy. He will say it whether or not I'm there. He has a toy that says apple and he says 'ah-ah'. He loves to talk about his two furry little 'duhs'. He can also repeat 'dah-buh' when he have him on the changing table. He usually says hi and bye if he feels like it. When he throws things or knocks them over he also says 'uh-oh'. Hopefully after the procedure next month he can add 'spaghettios'.

Tongue Tied

2009-04-03T10:21:00.003-04:00

We went to see a specialist yesterday back in Jacksonvile. It was a memorable visit. They checked for hearing for the first time since the NICU. He heard fine when he wasn't hollering. He didn't like the test which consisted of me holding him in my lap while speakers on either side made sounds at different volumes. Something about this really upset him. I still don't know why. Anyway, next the ear nose and throat doctor checked the ear nose and throat. The ears looked good which I didn't expect. Babies are supposed to have ear infections, but Jordan was fine. The nose was congested pretty bad. He usually is congested, but the doctor wanted a clear view so she gave a prescription strength decongestant. For the rest of the day everytime Jordan sneezed it looked like a party favor was coming out of his nose. He had streams extending below his chin after a sneeze. Then we had about 5 second to wipe before he did it himself.

Did you know that there is a medical condition that doctors actually call 'tounge tied'? Jordan has never stuck out his toungue or licked his lips. When he babbles he never makes the S or L sounds. I always thought it was a result of age, but it turns out that one of the tendons attached to his tongue is unusually tight. This could easily result in a speach impediment or lisp if left untreated. The doctor wants to treat it. Also his airways are a little funny. His vocal chords are a little out of alignment. We all have two sides that come together and create sound when we push air through them. Normally they come togther in the middle, but for Jordan one side (I believe the left) isn't coming all the way to the middle, so the other one over compensates. This itself isn't a problem, but the doctor wants to know why. It is most likely because of being on the vent for the first month after birth, but it could be from something else like swelling or an infection. More over, there is a problem in the windpipe. There is a flap of tissue that covers the windpipe when we swallow to keep food from entering the lungs. That part works fine on Jordan, but the rest of the time it doesn't fully go back to normal. That slightly restricts the airflow resulting in a slight wheeze. If you have ever spend a day with Jordan, you know that sometimes you can hear him breathe. This is why. Anyway, he has been diagnosed with Stridor. I'll leave it up to you to Google it, but the doctor isn't happy. She wants to go in and check it out with a bunch of procedures ending in -oscopy, not -ectomy so it shouldn't be too bad. The procedures are outpatient, but require him to be under anesthesia for about 45 minutes or so. She will go in down the throat to get a better look with one of those fiber optic cameras and fix what she can. She will definitely fix the tongue. The procedure is scheduled for May 5th. We are going to research the stuff a little more to see what we can learn. Luckily, little Ali has no idea what is going on. I'll update on his development otherwise next week. He is growing so fast.

Why does a little boy need his mommy?

2009-03-20T19:05:00.007-04:00

Why does a little boy need his mommy?

To protect him from his daddy!

March Milestones

2009-03-11T09:00:00.005-04:00

Someone this past weekend asked me if Jordan was sleeping through the night. It occured to me that while I have been including a lot of videos lately, I haven't been updating about some of the little milestones associated with a little baby. So anyway let me start by saying that yes, he usually sleeps though the night. About once or twice a week he wakes up in the middle of the night but we usually try to let him cry himself back to sleep. His bedtime is 8pm and he usually wakes up around 6:30 am. It's really adorable because we usually bring him into our bedroom to get dressed so he lets out a little cry to let us know he's up, we walk over to his room to get him, and once he sees us he'll pick up either his teddy or his blanket and reach up with his arms.

Feeding him is much easier lately. He is totally without bottles. In fact, we have put them all up and he lives off of food and sippy cups. We are going to try to use regular cups soon, but that will take a few months before he gets that right. He is also 99% done with baby food. The only baby food we use is the baby oatmeal for several reasons. First, you just mix it with milk. When Jordan is hungry, he won't wait 15 minutes for you to cook regular hot cereals. Baby oatmeal you mix with milk (or heavy whipping cream for the xtra calories) and zap it for 30 seconds. Also, he loves the stuff. If he won't eat his oatmeal, it's only because he isn't hungry anymore. The foods he likes are some of the old favorites we all remember. Pork and beans, crackers (saltines, graham, and animal), grilled cheese sandwiches, cheerios, and bananas. He has his four front teeth but right now he is getting in two more on the top and one on the bottom right. The main thing is that because his only has his cutting teeth, he can't chew meat very well and will only eat fish. Very small quantities of any other meat usually end up on the bib after he spits them out. Before you become a parent you are certain you will never try to force a kid to eat a cheeseburger, but he needs to gain another pound just to be on the growth chart for his actual age. Everytime we feed him, he just wants to get taller.

We are mostly done with the pacifier. At bedtime we leave one in the crib but don't give it to him. That's mostly in case he wakes up in the middle of the night. I don't give it to him when I put him down at night. However, I tend to give hime one for a nap still. The main reason is that if you don't force him to take a nap he won't take one but he gets real fussy at about 3pm and stays that way for the rest of the day. He's a real active kid who cares nothing for lying down, and the pacifier does calm him. Any other time he can kiss my butt. He's almost two and it's time to man up! (The mama ali hates when I tell the one year old to man up)

Physically, this kid is the solution to the nation's energy crisis. He walks all day long in the house and won't even sit to play with his toys - he just squats. On Monday he climbed into his stroller. Not a real problem except he was standing in it. We now put the stollers away when we aren't using them. He can get out of the couches and adult beds and he climbs people. If you are sitting on the couch and he wants your attention he won't ask. He will just climb up into your lap and demand it. He is just like his cousin Ariel. We do try to explain to him that that is not the right behavior and he needs to wait for permissison. However, just between us I love it. When your son climbs on your lap to watch TV with you and he can't understand the words, but he just wants to hang out with his old man....that is the true meaning of life.

Happy Birthday Auntie!

2009-03-05T19:03:00.014-05:00

Got to start the post by wishing a happy birthday to Aunt Traci. I would and will give her a call tomorrow, but she can be hard to get in contact with. Ever since the baby came home from the hospital the average is 3 phone calls. Anyway, I haven't posted some still photos in months. The reason is very simple. I need Jordan to look at the camera, make an attempt to smile for the camera, and not try to grab the camera. That hasn't happened yet this year - until now.

Yeah, I can read. I prefer Tolstoy, but Dr. Seuss is nice too.

This was an Xmas gift. He never has gotten on it before, but he finally figured out how to make it bounce.

Ordinarily, I don't like to brag about the baby, but this time is special. Jordan is officially a genius! I know that all parents think their kids are a genius, but I have proof. Any time we ask Jordan a question he knows the answer. Ask him his name he says "Know!" Ask him to say know and he says "Know!" Ask him the time, he says "Know". There is nothing this kid doesn't "know". Look!

Know is his first word. How many other toddlers know so much? Need proof? Watch this.

He even knows how to throw his clothes on the floor while daddy tells him not to.

This was a gift from xmas 2007. That was the first time he hasn't run away from a dancing doll since he could run away.

Quick update

2009-02-23T08:26:00.003-05:00

My grandfather passed away last week. The mama Ali and I went to NY to attend the funeral, but we left the baby behind. I'm not paying for his own seat and he's too active for a lap in coach. Just a few observations and then I'll move on.

I happened to wearing the same color suit as my grandfather. That was weird.
The driver of the hearse took the HOV lane to the burial. He may have been following the letter of the law about 2 people, but he wasn't following the spirit of the law.
According to the thermometer it was about 35 degrees at the burial. Apparently 35 degrees in NY is colder than 35 degrees in FL.
I grew up in NY. Apparently they wanted to remind me of my childhood because several of the bridges had not been maintained in anyway since my childhood. It appeared that the whitestone bridge was still standing only by force of habit and the strength of rust.

The baby spent the time with my in laws. I really appreciate my in laws. Jordan can pretty much out run them and their doorknobs are latches, so he can go into any room he wants. They sound like they tell Jordan to stay out of the bathroom, but sometimes it sounds more like a request. Plus, he's doing something new now that he didn't do before. He's starting to climb. Yesterday he kept himself happy by knocking over his stroller and climbing into it. He also climbs up on people when he wants the lap. We are working on getting him to stop, but it's a process.

He went to the doctor's office on Thursday. He had a lot of earwax in the ear that was previously infected. A year ago I didn't know that cotton swabs were a bad idea, but now we know. We used a solution that breaks up the wax so he's better, but the pediatrician refferred us to a specialist. Other than that however, we don't have any doctors visits scheduled until after his birthday in July!

TV Turner

2009-02-09T08:14:00.012-05:00

That thing that he did was the first time he did it. It was cute for the first 24 hours. He has also taken an interest in the remote controls. He isn't just fascinated with the buttons, but he has learned to point it at the TV which results in weird things happening. The TV flashes to different channels, changes volume, and gets his parents to yell and run around after him. That means it's time for discipline, but that is less effective than it used to be. Discipline usually involves putting him in his playpen in a room alone. It used to work really well, but no longer. He used to holler, scream, and he once threw up. Now he whines. We don't want to start hitting him yet, but he's too young to understand scolding and sending him to his room would be not only ineffective, but potentially dangerous at his age.

Have you ever seen the cartoons when the characters start running but they don't actually move anywhere for a few seconds and their feet just spin around? Yeah, my son does that spinning thing. He can't run forward yet, but he can run in place with the best of them. I don't want to create the wrong impression. I don't want him to run yet. I don't need him to run until kindergarten at the earliest. He walks as fast as I mosey. He can already outrun most of his grandparents indoors. The playground is a different story. He is an only child. Because he has wonderful grandparents he doesn't go to daycare. He's never had a playdate. He can't run or climb or talk. When I take him to the playground he looks at other kids like they are wild animals that need to be observed. He doesn't know how to be a kid yet so he just looks at kids but he doesn't care to play with them. I tell him to go closer, but he won't let me go further than 2 feet away. I take him over to the jungle gym to watch, but he won't let me back away more than 1 step. I know he isn't a seven year old ready to be on his own, but I wish the playground was as fun for him as grandma's house is.

Kung Fu Fighting

2009-01-25T20:29:00.009-05:00

"Hello and thank you for shopping at Target today, my name is Jordan. Can I interest you in some of our R&B collection this evening?"

Jordan has really started to take to dancing lately. It is just too cute. He has also learned to clap his hands! Of course he does everything with his own personal flair. He has already shown he is left handed so clapping means hitting his right hand with his left. He actually did it at the end of the video. He is also learning lots of other little habits. For instance, he is learning how to throw tantrums. He isn't fully there yet, but sometimes if he wants something bad enough he'll get himself all worked up and cry. If it's something small, we may give it to him, but usually we let him cry it out. Of course, me being the daddy, sometimes I let him cry it out just based on general principles. I could give him the spoon, but I don't like the way he's asking for it. That leads to the new thing we are working on - discipline. When he breaks the rules we do something that he hates. We put him in the playpen in the guest room which is always empty. He hates the playpen in general and can't stand being alone. He hasn't yet fully made the connection of why we do it, but he knows when we're about to take him there, and he'll figure it out soon. You should see how worked up he gets over being left alone for 90 seconds. I'd take a video, but being alone is part of the punishment.

Last week, we went to go see the pulmonologist again. The doctor said that his lungs appeared to be fine, but that in this economy he needs the money so we have to back in 4 months. OK, he didn't say the second part, but if his lungs are doing well, it would seem that we wouldn't need to go back in 4 months. However, we do so I'm assuming it's for the money. We also found out that Jordan is stretching out a bit. At 23 inches, he is the 25th percent of length for his birthday. However, he lost about half a pound since the last visit so he is no longer on the growth chart for weight. That's means fewer than 1 percent of kids born on his birthday weigh less than he does - 20 pounds 6 ounces. I forgot how many grams that is. The reason he is off the weight chart is half his fault and half ours. He doesn't seem to want to grow anymore teeth. He just has the two front teeth on the top and the bottom. No new teeth have come in over 4 months. The books say that preemies are sometimes delayed in teeth, but they don't say that anything can be done to fix it. The result is he can't chew a lot of things that I'm sure he'd love. No raw vegetables like carrots and few hard fruits like apples (he can gum the juice out of apples, but then he spits them out). We try meat but we have to break it into such small pieces that he doesn't care for them. We have to break chicken to the size of bacon bits which eliminates most of the flavor. The result is that his diet is about 70% fruit and 20% breads, cookies, and cereals. The doctor prescribed that pediasure for him, which we do give him, but that stuff costs about 4 bucks a day for the store brand. All of the rest of his food costs under 6 buck a day. He loves french fries, which we've started to give him to thicken him up, but after about 5 of them he realizes what great toys they are. We have spent 3 dollars for a fast food kids meal only to have him eat 6 fries. That's 50 cents per fry. It's more cost effective to get a whole banana for 70 cents and he will eat the whole thing in under 5 minutes. If you ate oatmeal and bananas for breakfast 5 days a week, you'd lose weight too.

Happy New Year!!!

2009-01-07T17:37:00.015-05:00

We're back! I haven't posted in a while because we were away until New Years. We had a great time. It started with the drive from FL to Baltimore. We left here at 7:30 pm so that we would be able to drive while the baby slept. It worked most of the way, but we were all awake by the time we reached Richmond at 5 am. Jordan didn't fuss, but he still cost us over half an hour. We decided to get through all the winter time clothes to change the wet diaper. Then as soon as we put on the clothes again you know what he did to the diaper. This is not the only diaper story of the trip. We arrived at about 8:30 am.

Of course, Jordan was the life of the party the first day because we arrived first. Everyone loves to tell us how much he looks like my father in law. The first real highlight of the trip was visiting our fan club. We have a few friends in the area who have been following Jordan since the early days of the hospital and we had to pay a visit. I don't mention names here without permission, but you know who you are and we thank you for all of your support.

Xmas eve everyone else arrived, but the main deal was the other two kids. The older cousin was a ball of energy and Jordan had the weirdest reaction. Jordan just looked at him. Most of the time he just studied his cousin as if he were a strange toy or something. The few times Jordan tried to play with him he seemed to just hit him. He waved his arms up and down and nearly beat up his cousin that is 2 years older. We don't think Jordan was trying to harm him, but we won't be tolerating that for much longer. Of course the kids all loved each other, but Jordan didn't spend much time playing with the younger baby.

Xmas has always been a weird day for me. It seems that the adults spend the first three years trying to get the kids all amped up about the day. Then the adults spend the next ten years regretting it. Then the kids learn the truth about santa when they become teens, and the teens don't see a difference between the gifts and ransom. So of course, we spent the entire day trying to get Jordan to smile about getting gifts. That's hard enough with most one year olds, but you'll see Obama curse out Michelle before my kid smiles over gifts. He is really stingy with smiles and he saves it for people not things. Even when he plays he goes about it like a challenge, not fun. Knocking down blocks isn't fun unless we show some reaction. He has no imagination yet so he doesn't play with action figures, he just disassembles them to find out what they're made of and what they taste like. The weirdest thing was that Jordan never paid much attention to the tree. You would think that a kid his age would be trying to climb the branches and eating the lights. All December I pulled him away from the tree exactly 3 times. It got to the point where I would try to roll the shopping cart next to the trees in the store hoping he would reach out a grab one. Nothing doin. He also gave us a special gift, a freaking heart attack. As regular readers know, we went to NY in August. From August until Xmas, he had been on the 3rd floor twice. All were on the same day when we went shopping in Orlando where the malls are 2 stories. He hasn't been on stairs since he learned to walk beacause every place around here is one floor. Weel, he made up for lost time. Nama taught him how to go up once and he took off. He was so proud of himself he couldn't walk by the darn things, he had to go up. Of course, he can't even walk down a curb without holding on, but he loved going up a staircase. He didn't even need - or want - witnesses. I actually jumped when he looked down on me from 10 steps up when I walked by. Of course, he almost jumped too. I hadn't been so scared since the NICU.

I grew up on the east coast and later moved to the south. So I was excited to get the chance to visit one of my old fast food hangouts from years ago. Of course because I was eating there for the wrong reasons, I also ate too much. I was fine for a few hours. I don't think the food was bad or anything, but at about 2am my stomach made it clear that there was something wrong with it. The mama ali was sleeping between me and the bathroom. I am pleased to report that I made it past the mama Ali. I did not make it to the bathroom. My stomach emptied about 5 feet from the tree. It might have been closer to the tree if my luggage wasn't in the way. About 2 hours later I was trying to clear out a bucket that I knew I would need and I was right. I needed it. That day I didn't wake up other than vomiting and restroom until 6pm. By then my tract was completely empty from top to bottom. The next day I give the gift that kept on giving to my wife. It kept on giving her nausea, headaches, and other things she'd get mad at me for mentioning. I was feeling better. The day after, New Year's Eve, Jordan got it.

It's easy to tell when Jordan doesn't feel well because he cuddles. Usually, he is a big boy and doesn't want to sit in anyones lap or be held. He wants to walk. New Year's eve he wanted to cuddle and nap. We spent the entire day passing him from lap to lap and he enjoyed it. We actually woke him up a couple of times to force feed him some milk from a bottle. He didn't take his first steps that day until around 4pm. Every parent has a diaper story. 99% of the time the diaper is a diaper. 1% of the time it's bad. Then maybe 3 times in the entire kids life he comes up with a masterpiece. I remember the first time Jordan boldly went were no diaper had gone. He'd been home less than a month and it was cute. New Year's Eve was NOT cute. We had to change the diaper, the jeans, both shirts, and the socks. Both socks. It wasn't quite solid or liquid. It was whatever you didn't want it to be. Where it was nastier as a solid, it was solid. Where it was nastier as a liquid, it was a liquid. I will remember that diaper. I will also remember something else he did that day. About a quarter to eight he taught me a very important lesson - don't force feed the baby. We had spent much of the day feeding him milk he did not ask for. We responded by giving back to us. Of course he didn't give us back milk, he gave us cottage cheese. We did not originally feed him cottage cheese. This was the first real vomit he ever gave us. This wasn't little baby spit up. This smelled like a big kids mess. It ruined a couch. Honest to goodness the couch still smelled bad when we left the next day. On behalf of all 3 of us I would like to publicly apologize to our hosts for any and all stomach contents we left in Baltimore.

When we finally left I didn't want to try the same overnight trick. The baby waking up at the end of the trip when we were so close to the end was nerve racking. Plus I was tired after being up most of the night. New Year's day all 3 of us were healthy enough to do the drive so we left at 2pm. This is Jordan's blog so I won't talk about the entire trip, but Jordan was a real trooper. No one got sick and by 8pm he was out for the night. We got home by 3am. When I finally got to sleep in my bed I could still see that little red line from the GPS when I closed my eyes.

Later that evening Jordan broke his own record for a messy diaper. It had been nearly 3 days since he had a real meal of solid food and not milk and baby mush. He stood up in front of the TV and walked toward his room. He left a trail of bread crumbs behind him. Actually it wasn't bread crumbs because we hadn't fed him any, but whatever we fed him he left a trail of. I actually wanted to press the reset button and start that day over again. It took half an hour before I finished cleaning the carpets and tile floor and the mama Ali finished with the bath. That was the day we decided to use the next size of diapers until he got back to normal. He wasn't back to his normal diapers for about 5 days.

I told you not to feed me so many damn prunes. Now change me!

The xmas tree. One of the advantages of having a bunch of kids is that the big toy boxes always make the tree look better.

Merry Christmas mommy. Thanks for the pacifier.

The video game is nice, but the dog seems to be licking himself and I want to help.

He hadn't seen his grandma for about 3 weeks and he wouldn't leave her side while she was there. It's akward when he runs by the parents to get to grandma.

The two oldest kids. I had to hold them to keep them still long enough to take the picture.

This little baby had such a big smile. He was always happy after eating.

This is an inside joke. Everyone in the family knows who this is. For those outside the family, it isn't me or the mama Ali.

Christmas Wish List

2008-12-13T09:08:00.009-05:00

It's time for the holiday wish list! First, a couple of disclaimers. First, no one is required to buy a gift. Times are tough, especially in this house and we totally understand that it's the thought that counts. I wouldn't try too hard to impress someone who likes to eat carpet lint. Second, if you get anything, we will like it. Jordan will love it. There is almost no kind of toy he dislikes, just a few that he isn't ready for yet. If you give him a playstation 3, he isn't ready for it yet, but I will start teaching him how to play on Dec 26th. Finally, this is for entertainment only. If you use this to imply that he's spoiled or we're holding you up for fisher price ransom, you are reading too much into this. I've been doing this blog for a year and a half and have almost never talked about him playing.

Like I said, there is almost nothing he dislikes, except for one type of thing. Anything that you have to put him in. He is a walker now. He won't stand for walkers, playpens, bouncers, or anything else that won't let him walk around. The kid burns more calories sitting in a high chair than I do walking around and would eat walking around if we let him. Also, it is important to remember that at this age he has absolutely no imagination. If you give him a toy car, he won't pretend it's a real car. If you give him a toy elmo, he won't treat it like the TV elmo. He will love it and play with it, but treat it just like his blocks or a drum. A good rule if thumb is if you want him to play with it, get him anything. If you want him to do it properly, make sure that it says 12 months on the box.

Jordan loves toys that play music. Look at this:

That's really weird considering he hates toys that move. I take him to the toddler toy aisle and he cries when he sees a doll move. But he loves when toys sing that annoying alphabet song (all baby toys sing it and I hear it half a dozen times a day). He also loves to do cause and effect with his toys. He likes to knock things off the table to see the sound they make. What happens when I drop this toy on the gound? Will it bounce? Will it break? What about daddy's cell phone? What about the remote to the TV that would cost over $50 to replace? The cardboard blocks that are 8 for a dollar are not interesting enough. He does love to play with blocks though. Look at this:

Without a doubt, his favorite toys are books. I'm not one of those obnoxious parents who thinks their kid is a genius because he can turn the page of a book before his 1st birthday, but it does keep him happy. He likes books and loves baby books that make noise. His totally favorite toy in the world is a book that sings nursery rhymes when the pages are turned. I like it to because it doesn't sing that insipid alphabet song. Finally, I mentioned to a relative that Jordan likes grilled cheese sandwiches. This relative seems to not understand the difference between "like" and "should have".

This was a sandwich he clearly enjoyed. It was also fun for the dogs who got to eat most of it because it ended up on the floor. The only one who didn't love it was the guy who had to clean it up. Guess who that was?

Thanksgiving Day

2008-11-28T17:24:00.006-05:00

"Thanksgiving dinner Huh? I don't see what the big fuss is. You people haven't even fed me yet!"

"OK, I think I'm full now. You can let me down."

Hey, you know what we're thankful for this year, but it was still a special day. When I eat Thanksgiving dinner I have an established routine. I eat usually the same food, in the same quantities, and end up with the same physical feelings. Afterwards I usually fall out onto the couch in front of a football game and get mad at myself for eating so much. I rarely do anything more strenuous than belch. Jordan didn't have the same plan. He just ate as much good food as he could with 4 teeth. For him, dinner is about eating to get calories. Then, afterwards it was time to burn those calories. Guess who had to chase him around. It seems that my son teaches me something new every week. Notice that crawling is now the exception not the rule. He just learned this weekend how to stand up on his own without climbing on something. Now all we have to do is teach him how to stand still.

Playing and Walking

2008-11-23T22:14:00.002-05:00

This is a Youtube clip of Jordan walking. He is actually even better at it now, but this is a good video. I must warn you that it is a 8 minute video so make sure you have the time. A special thanks to my Dad for making the video too.

Stepping Out!

2008-11-21T20:33:00.006-05:00

One of the funniest things about Jordan is that his brain sometimes works like a switch. A few months ago Jordan was doing a ugly little army crawl. I was certain that he would stay there for a while. Between Friday and Sunday he moved totally to the regular crawl. I think it took him a couple of days to learn to pull himself up on furniture (still can't stand up on his own). Anyway, last weekend he decided he was done standing still. It was time to walk.

As you can see he isn't very good at it. In fact, he's bad at it, but he won't let that stop him.

I think the biggest problem is that he spends so much time cheesing for the camera that when he sees it he doesn't concentrate on walking. That's why I can't get him on video for more than a few steps. I know that some people want more clips of walking. This was my attempt.

My dad loves to tell a story about my cousin who never learned to walk until she went to school. She went from crawling to running and didn't learn to walk until kindergarten. Jordan looks like he may be taking after that. Right now when he walks he usually falls forward on his hands and rarely on his rear. That's because he usually is moving so fast.

I don't like to give cute stories about the baby, because these stories usually are less funny to read than they are to see, but yesterday was too cute. We were in a dept store. If I knew Santa would be out this early, I would have bought my camera. Anyway, we were in the kids clothes section and I decided to let him loose for a run. Of course with the bright colors and noises he goes to the toy section. He isn't an experienced walker yet, but he knows that the floor is hard and quiet. He ran to the toy section and encountered one of those floor pianos. Floor pianos are those things you play with by stepping on them. When Jordan stepped on it at first it was soft and noisy. He took another step and almost jumped. His eyes were wide open and he was at full fear mode. By step #4 he stopped, went down to all fours, and refused to move. He almost had a heart attack and wouldn't move until I picked him up. For the rest of my life, I will not be able to look at one of thise pianos without remembering what happened yesterday.

Barbers and Birthday

2008-11-12T20:58:00.003-05:00

One of the advantages of being a preemie is that for the first two years you have two birthdays. We tried having a party for the first birthday, but there was a family emergency so we missed it. However, his due date was last week so we got a second chance. Of course, before going to a party you must make sure that you look good for the ladies.

We really are spoiled with this baby. He did cry, but I can honestly say I was much worse on my father. Sorry, dad. You will see below that he looks much older just by having a haircut.

As I mentioned, he has to look good for the ladies. Of course, he does have the disadvantage of having to impress older women.

Take this woman for instance. She really liked the haircut. Jordan thought she was cute too because he drooled all over her.

Some nice person at the supermaket actually worked on this cake with care and pride in their profession.

Jordan took pride in what he did too. Don't be confused though. Any witness will tell you that he didn't actually eat any of this cake. He just seemed to be mad at it.

What can I say. He loves playing with balloons. I love watching him play with things without eating them. Especially balloons because he grabs them with one hand which makes them scoot across the room and then he has to chase them. It he could learn to hold it without squeezing it would work much better.

HE WON!!!

2008-11-04T09:42:00.006-05:00

It is official. Jordan was entered in a costume contest and he won. Actually he didn't win, but at that age everyone gets a banner for participating. What a great day to be an American.

This video was put together by my dad. It shows a couple of shots of him standing briefly and at least once wetting himself. There are also some shots of Jordan too.

Change the baby, change the world, change the diet.

2008-10-24T13:48:00.004-04:00

For those of you who don't know my father, he is old school. A very smart man, but ultimately a man whose intelligence comes from his experience. My father has always belived his grand child would get to vote for a black person for president one day.

He just never believed he would live to see it happen.

That was a great way to celebrate a great day. For those who don't remember, Jordan was sprung from the big house 365 days ago (It was the 25th, but this is a leap year). We all celebrated the one way we couldn't a year ago. We slept through the night. We also went to see the doctor because we were supposed to and he has a boat payment to make. Jordan is 31 and a half inches tall which is pretty normal for kids born when he was. He weighs just under 21 pounds - 95% of kids born the same time as him weigh more. Also, we get to start with cow's milk! We aren't going to have to buy any more formula and we should finish what we have over the weekend. I remember growing up my mom used to complain how much milk my sister and I drank. Now that I'm the parent I can honestly say TOUGH LUCK! Cow's milk costs about a third as much as formula and she didn't have to pay three and a half bucks a gallon for milk. Also the doctor said to avoid fish (probably would have anyway at 7 bucks a pound for a kid who eats carpet lint), and chocolate and peanuts in case of allergies. Otherwise we can feed whatever he'll keep down. Finally, I don't remember if I mentioned it before, but Jordan is able to stand on his own for a few seconds at a time. He is so funny when he stands. He does his best standing when he doesn't know he's standing. If he picks up a toy from a table with two hands and starts waving it in the air, he stand fine and doesn't think about it. If you hold onto him and let go, his arms go out to the side and he gets almost into a crouch as if he were on a tight rope. I will definitely post some pics of that next week.

Eating, Sleeping, and Walking

2008-10-20T22:16:00.001-04:00

My boy has really changed his eating habits. First of all, he doesn't like to be fed. He loves to eat, but usually tries to take the spoon out of your hand. Most of his food is the consistency of applesauce so it leads to big messes, but he is proud of his messes. He would rather lick the food off of his hands than eat a spoonful given to him by someone else. I don't know if I mentioned before, but he now has 4 teeth – 2 on top and bottom in the front. Not enough to eat a lot of real food, but I will admit it is sometimes easier just to give him my scraps rather than fight him over some Gerber mush. We went McDonalds and bought him some apple slices which he loved. Of course with only 4 teeth and no molars it took 10 minutes to finish 1 slice. He just kept gumming the poor thing until it just gave up. Saturday night we were at a birthday party and he had a small bottle and my leftover pizza crusts for dinner. He acted like he was mad at the pizza and wanted to teach it a lesson.

We have been trying to get Jordan to walk for months now. That was probably an error. We have trouble keeping up with the current crawler. I have spent last week baby proofing parts I didn't think we would have to worry about so quickly. Our cabinets don't have handles so I thought that might slow him down a bit. Our pantry has folding doors which I thought worked in our favor. I also thought that the baby would one day learn to climb out of the playpen. Well he can open everything in the kitchen without a lock including the fridge, and he hasn't let anyone even put him into a playpen since Labor day.

When people who haven't had a kid ask what it's like for the new parent, I tell them the following story. After months of trial and error we now know exactly how to put the baby to bed. We have a system and the system works. If the baby gets a bath, you start with that. When I'm home alone, he doesn't always get one. Then dress him in the Pjs. Close the door to the bedroom and don't open it again. Then sit down on the bench with him on your lap and give him a sippy cup with formula while you read him a story. After the story, turn him around, give him a pacifier, turn out the light and he will fall asleep on your chest. Yes it's adorable, yes it effective, but it is ultimately flawed. The baby goes to sleep with food, a pacifier, and his parents holding him. It took most of a year to give him all of that so he could get to sleep, and now as parents we have to take it all away. However, what do we take first and how do we do it? We have already started making some changes, but this story is a perfect example of what it's like to raise the baby. As part of growing up we parents know we have to make these changes, but ultimately Jordan will be making the calls.

2008-10-08T14:28:00.004-04:00

OK, I admit that he was a little too close to the lens when I took the pic, but the drool is adorable.

I was recently asked if Jordan has lost interest in standing.

The dictionary definition of standing involves to stop or remain motionless or steady on the feet. By that definition, he has lost all interest in standing. In fact, he doesn't seem to remember how to sit still for more than 10 seconds. Take a look...

Have you thanked your parents for raising you lately? I know I have joked in the past about eating the camera, but had I left the shot going another 5 seconds, you would have seen his tongue. Jordan has really taken to eating pretty well this month. We have officially moved him up to cheerios. Unofficially, we have tried a couple of other things, but his grandmothers read this blog and I don't want to give them any ideas. Also his mother reads this blog and I have to be careful of what she knows. The mama Ali works late 3 nights a week which means I have him all night until his bedtime. Let's just say that I know a lot more about Jordan and his abilities (or durabilities) than I can safely admit. I will say with pride that nothing I have done with him has ever resulted in the breaking of skin. I will also say that sometimes he thinks he's a toddler, but he still has a few months to go.

Another Reunion

2008-09-21T11:31:00.010-04:00

Jordan is crawling on all fours! He figured it out and he's definitely in a big rush to go. He doesn't know where he's going yet, but he needs to get there quickly. Also, if you look closely you can see the bottom two teeth. I can tell you from experience you have to be careful sticking a finger in there. Anyway, the rest of this post is about what happened to Jordan rather than how he's doing. Stop reading if you aren't interested.

This past Saturday was the NICU reunion. We went to go visit all of the people who we thought we would never forget. It turns out that we forgot almost all the names, and about half of the faces. The reunion was for any kid who has ever stayed there which meant there were some toddlers at the reunion. That means the DJ was playing nursery rhymes and kid songs. If going to kids parties means 3 hours of Jimmy Cracked Corn and Itsy Bitsy Spider, then we will have very few parties until I'm old enough to dislike the rap he'll listen to in 10 years.

That's the thing about Jordan. He won't cry when he meets strangers. I love that about him. He's met both sides of the family this summer and didn't even whine. However, he doesn't smile either. He just studies people. He didn't mind the clown, but he clearly didn't care either. People try so hard to make him smile, but they can't do it.

These previous two pictures are from our neighbors. In the nicu we met other parents. We never got to get a good look at their kids though. You can't really walk up to someone else's crib and examine their kid in the nicu. No rules, that's just rude. Anyway, these people lived up in Jacksonville so we haven't really kept in touch, but it's nice to see the kids are doing well. I regret we didn't see all of our neighbors.

These pictures are the nurses who we came to know well. They were absolutely thrilled to see how well Jordan is doing. They kept saying he looks great and how surprised they were. I don't know why. He spent 4 months doing better than they expected of him.

This is the doctor who saved my son's life. We got a little upset with her at the end, but a lot of that was the emotion of the time. I would have spent evey penny I had and then some to see this picture 12 months ago. Thanks Doc.

One of the advantages of living in Florida is that every 4 years, people ask for your vote. Many of the people reading this blog live in states where people don't ask for your vote. I refer to them as 'lesser states'. In fact the republican party has said that those of you in NY are not in real america but rather some fake version I suppose. Anyway, this was a rally for the democratic candidate Barack Obama. You can see him clearly just a quarter mile beyond that tree. The park had a capacity of 10,000 people, but about double that showed up. We were able to get close enough to hear the loudspeakers. The campaign estimated 20,000 showed up, but they didn't mention that the rally was held 2 blocks from a basketball arena that would have allowed everyone to actually see him. I can't complain too much because it was free, but I didn't get any closer than seeing the road his bus drove on. I just thought it was important to bring my kid to see the candidate. He was so excited he wet his pants.

Lessons Learned

2008-09-13T14:17:00.004-04:00

They say that in life you should learn something new everyday. So I would like to go over some of the things I learned this week.

Grandma's cooking is always the best cooking you will ever have. Grandma gave Jordan some of that baby toast they sell in the supermarket. He loved it. He chewed, smiled, all that good stuff. I figured this was great. He and I could sit down later and share a slice of toast together and have one of those Hallmark moments. 2 days later the high chair still smells like vomit.
It is easy to get Jordan to sleep if you are willing to make the sacrifice. This little boy will spend all day long in bed eating and sleeping, as long as he has company. If you don't get in bed with him he will stay up all day long and fight his nap as long as he can.
When you have the heart of a toddler, it doesn't matter how cool you look as long as you get the job done. He has perfected his little army crawl. He uses arms, legs, feet, face. Whatever it takes to get the ball in front of you.
Biting starts to hurt when you get bitten with teeth rather than gums. That leads me to the next thing.
When you don't know the definition, 'No' is a fun game to play with daddy. This little boy loves to make me say No. I don't really discipline him yet (too young in my opinion), but when he grabs the electrical cord, I separate him, look him in the face and say no. I'm trying to teach him the meaning of the word. He just loves the reaction. I might as well be tickling his feet.
No more baths in the sink. He can easily fit in the sink and I find it easier to work with him there, but he can't keep his hands off of the faucet. He has to play with the faucet which means a cold drip on the head, or a hot torrent down his back. Either way, I can't let him play with the tap.
Playing with Jordan for 30 minutes will solve any problem. No matter what happened at work with your boss. No matter what bills are due today. No matter what you just fought about with the mama Ali. Just sit Jordan on the floor without any toys and sit down next to him and 30 minutes later you have had a great day. I can't wait to see what I learn next week.

2008-09-08T08:45:00.003-04:00

Take a close look. Do you see anything?

His first time on a swing. We had trouble getting him to smile and look at us at the same time.

It isn't pretty, but it worked. He got from point A to point B, but it isn't a true crawl. He pushes forward with his feet and doesn't let his knees do any of the work. He actually looks like he is trying to climb a ladder. It doesn't look right, but it does look adorable. He is going to be so pissed when I show this to his prom date.

Did you see anything new in the top picture? Look closely. Just kidding, it's there, but you can't see it. However if you stick a finger in his mouth you can feel it. The bottom two front teeth have just barely cut through. They are so small that he can't do a thing with them yet, but I did feel them and you can hear them when he drinks out of a glass. He's still pretty bad at that.

Our little boy is about to stop being a little boy soon. He loves to climb his parents whenever he can. For some reason he prefers me but I think it's because I wear sleeves more than mommy (tank tops), and I spend a lot of time wrestling with him. If you are careful with him he does enjoy being tackled. He also enjoys floor time. We can't call it tummy time anymore because he doesn't stay on the tummy when awake. He spends a lot of time putting things in his mouth, using his other hand to put the same thing in his mouth, and scooting after the dogs. At his pace he never catches them, but little buys love little dogs and he won't stop trying. I haven't gotten a picture of that yet, but I will soon.

Test Results

2008-08-27T20:45:00.003-04:00

This week Jordan went for a physical evaluation. Overall, he is on average for his adjusted age of ten and a half months. He interacts well with adults, reacts to sounds properly, and plys with his toys like he should. The people did notice something in a few minutes that we have noticed all summer long. If you give him a toy in his left hand he will eat it. If you give him a toy in his right hand, he will pass to his left - and eat it. They didn't see it, but he will hold a bottle with two hands or only his left. He definitely favors his left and his grandparents and parents think he is left handed.

The biggest problems were the gross and fine motor skills. Picking up something the size of a box of cheerios is gross motor skills. Mostly whole arm type of stuff. Picking up individual cheerios is fine motor skills. Mostly hands and fingers. He was on the low end of normal in both areas. I would love to give him more practice, but there is a big problem with the fine motor skills. The best way to practice that is to let him feed himself. However, he has no teeth. I can't let him have crackers or cheerios until he can chew. Of course, as soon as he learns to eat cheerios, he learns to throw them. Maybe I can wait a little longer.

The one thing they told us to work on is tummy time. They say that he should still learn to crawl.

Does this look like a crawler to you? Does he even look like a sitter anymore?

Family Reunion Pics

2008-08-14T20:55:00.007-04:00

Here's your new screensaver Traci.

Jordan - a.k.a. Athos

Isaiah - a.k.a. Porthos

Christian - a.k.a Aramis (the 3 musketeers)

Family Picture

The life preserver is because he HATES to get dunked and he wanted to walk.

Too cute. And baby looks good too.

The family reunion was held at a place called 'Great Wold Lodge'. There are about a dozen of them in the country. They all have water parks in them and are family hotels. The catch is is that the water parks are designed for both kids and adults - not infants. There was screaming, splashing, little waterfalls and all sorts of stuff a 3 year old would love. Infants can only deal with so much stimulus at a time and this infant in particular can only handle being wet in certain ways. Jordan HATES to be splashed anywhere on his body and still cries during baths when his face gets too wet. It took him about 10 minutes before he could deal with all of the activity around him. Kids were running, there were strangers in the pool, there were sprinklers everywhere. His eyes looked bigger than mine. However, after he got used to the stimulus he LOVED it. We should have taken a video where he was laughing while his gums were chattering from the cold water.

Speaking of stimulus, look at the 3 musketeers up top. Christian (3 years) and Isaiah (4 months) are the children of my cousin (I don't know what number cousins are anything they are and I don't particularly care - we're all cousins). Anyway, you are looking at the next 15 Xmases or so. Especially when they can all walk. There was a preview this weekend. Of course Christian loved Jordan and wanted to go play with him. He was told Jordan hadn't learned to walk yet. Christian thought the best way to teach him was to help him. Christian grabbed Jordan's left hand and started walking. I still had Jordan's right hand while trying to slow down the 3 year old. Jordan didn't say a thing because he wanted to play with Christian, but he would have literally been dragged away on the floor if I wasn't there. 3 year olds don't do anything slowly except eat veggies.

One more thing happened on this trip that i just have to mention. When we take jordan out in public, he gets lots of attention. We take him out to the market and he sees people and they see him. People smile at him and he smiles back. The women especially like to do this. Living in FL, we hear at least twice a month were Jordan reminds someone of their grandkid(s). Anyway, the night before leaving we are in a restuarant in Harlem with cousin Tony. He is a little grabby hasn't had solid baby food all day and he's a little fussy. He's been a champ all trip so it's OK, we just try to do our best since it's already past his bed time. The 3 adults are talking about the trip and eventually we forget about the baby. He's in a high chair eating a bib so what could happen? Well we weren't giving him attention so he found a table of 5 women behind us and these women were nobody's grandmother. He was just cheesing for attention and they thought he was adorable. He practically was flirting with them. He couldn't stop smiling directly at them which they thought was adorable so they smiled back at them. It was getting to be a pretty vicious cycle until cousin Tony stepped in.

The last day was marked by flight delays. I won't go into details because if you have ever flown in Atlanta or NY (especially the same day) then you have had the same stories. I'll just say that Jordan couldn't have been better. He doesn't mind flying and he cares nothing for flight delays. He got to spend one flight napping on mommy and the second flight climbing on daddy. Overall he was a perfect baby for this trip. Thank you Jordan!

Tour Pics - Part 2

2008-08-13T20:35:00.006-04:00

This is the first time his parents have given him a bath in a sink.

Like I said aunt Rochelle hasn't seen him in nearly a year. He seemed more interested in the doll in this picture, but he absolutely loved her.

Unlike Chicago, he stayed awake in Times Square.

This is Marilyn. More on this pic below.

This is the bed we slept in. He apparently thought it was a playpen because he preferred to stay awake in it.

The second day of the tour, Jordan was amazing. We left Brooklyn before 8am and went to times square. I don't know if all 9 month olds are like this, but he acted like we were in the local supermarket. The scenery was nice, but the strap in the stroller is the real entertainment. We even took a boat tour around the island of Manhattan - his first bost ride - and he handled it like we were driving the family car down the interstate. Due in part to the fact that I forgot how long it takes to walk from 7th to 12th avenue, we returned to Rochelle's house at 4pm. Any other time this would be a busy enough day and we'd relax before bedtime or something. However, this trip had nothing to do with relaxing. We turned around and went to visit Gail in Long Island.

Gail is one of my dad's former coworkers from the 80s. I literally grew up with her son David who is the same age. Also her daughter Alana and husband Steve was there. The funniest part was when I saw Bob. Bob is my dad's former boss. I am 31 years old and literally haven't seen Bob in over 20 years. The last time I saw him he was 20 years younger, had a mustache, black hair, and was twice my height. I heard this stranger say he was some guy named Bob, but I didn't know it was THE Bob for about an hour. Gail has been reading this blog since it began and she was thrilled to meet the baby. My biggest regret is that she will now be bugging her kids to give her a grandchild. Or course everyone was loving on the baby and he was loving them back. He enjoyed Gail's house so much I'm sure he would have stayed all night if given the choice. However, we had to leave at 8pm. I would have posted some pics from there, but all of the pictures were taken on other people's cameras. Oops.

Usually bed time is 8pm, but Jordan is on tour and has plenty of people to meet. Next stop is Marilyn's house. She has known my Mom she says since they were teenagers (My mom was never as young as I am. She was born at 40 years old with some weird desire to force kids to eat vegetables). Marilyn's son Kalik and his girlfriend Angela was there too. Angela's 3 year old daughter has the distinction of being the only toddler in history who didn't want to spend all day playing with Jordan. However, Marilyn more than made up for it. She was wearing a tank top with straps, her hair was braided, and she was wearing loose dangly jewelry. The one year old found her more than entertaining. He hung in there a while too, but eventually he started to crash. Jordan loves being around people and doesn't want to miss out on anything, so he will stay up as long as he can. By 10:30 he was visibly fighting sleep. His mind was saying party but his body was shutting down. He wasn't saying anything, but I felt terrible about it.

The next morning was a very special trip. We went up to the Bonx to visit my grandparents. Of course this was their first time meeting the baby. My grandfather (unsurprisingly) was not as excited as my Nana. We bought them plenty of photos and of course they loved those. I got to let Jordan play in the room I used to play in even though he couldn't walk on his own and would never remember. Actually, thinking back, I think I only got to ply with him for about 5 minutes. Between Traci, Nana, and my Aunt Barbara, he didn't get much floor time. Anyway, towards the end Jordan also got to play with Aunt Barbara, my mother's sister. We would have stayed a lot longer but it was time for us to drive to Pennsylvania. We had to attend the Ross Family Reunion!

Tour Pics - Part 1

2008-08-12T21:46:00.007-04:00

First let me say that there are more pics coming. I just haven't downloaded all of the pictures yet. These pics are from the first part of the trip.

Jordan is about ready to go. He doesn't know where he is going, but he knows he's ready to go there.

I know this is Jordan's blog, but I have a fondness for cute ladies.

Actually, all 3 of us have a fondness for her.

These previous 2 pics are very special ones for me. The one directly above is my Aunt Barbara who of course has never met the baby before. The one above that is my grandmother (Jordan's great-grandma), Nana. That picture alone was worth the entire trip.

We flew from Orlando to LaGuardia and it took 4 hours. No delays, just a stop in Canton, OH. Of course, Jordan was a champ. We kept him fed, he kept us busy, but he also kept quiet. He just spent half the flight sleeping and half the flight trying to get us to put him down. I don't know why since he can't stand on his own, but he tried really hard. After landing, we met my younger sister and her husband at the airport, then rented a car and drove to my older sister's house. She hasn't seen Jordan in about 16 pounds (He is currently almost 20). Then all 6 of us went out to a great Thai restaurant. The only problem with the restuarant is that they made no pretense of being a family restaurant. They didn't kick us out of anything, but there were no high chairs, no changing tables in the bathroom, and I don't know if there is such a thing as a kid's menu for Thai food. The aunts learned a very important lesson. You must be very careful when you have a one year old sitting on your lap - they grab everything and hold nothing. He reached for everything and unfortunately got hold of a cup of Sprite. Aunt Rochelle and I were sticky for the rest of the day.

After the restaurant we took a nickel tour of lower Manhattan's bridges and then dropped Aunt Traci off at the house of some old friends. We left the restaurant at about 8pm and then woke him up at 9pm to see the old friends. We didn't take him out to play, but he did wake up. Then he fell asleep when we drove back to Aunt Rochelle's. We had to carry him upstairs at 10pm (we never have stairs in FL) and laid him on a strange bed in a strange house. He figured we wanted him to stay awake since we kept waking him up, so he obliged. We placed him in between us on a king size bed where he proceeded to play and kick even though we were dead tired. He was totally silent, but he taught us a lesson about constantly waking up a sleeping baby. He played in bed in between his parents for over an hour. I thought only pregnant women were supposed to experience the 'Joy' of a baby kicking them in the ribs all night.

First, a little perspective

2008-08-12T09:14:00.000-04:00

We are finally back from the trip to NY. I had a great time, but I’ll go into that later when I get the pics downloaded. I just want to say one thing. We really make life to complicated. We left my sister’s house yesterday at 7:45 am. Due to weather and delays and such we arrived home at 9:45 pm. That is 14 hours of traveling. Driving would have taken 16 and a half if we went the speed limit. We all have horror stories like this so I won’t go into detail. However, my boy performed like a champ. I can’t tell how fun it is when we land and the person in the seat in front of us says they didn’t know there was a baby behind them. All day long Jordan wanted to stand up and play with people. When we sat on the tarmac, he wouldn’t let me or the people next to me be unhappy. His parents spent all day worrying about the time and worrying about him. He didn’t care about the time and he knew he was OK. Sometimes I think adults make thing too complicated. He found the greatest joy in simply walking through the terminal while everyone smiled at him. I was complaining about my feet hurting. I was complaining about only being able to eat fast food when changing planes. He thinks formula is nature’s perfect food. He spent all day playing, napping, and eating. He loved every minute of it. I think sometimes we make being adults harder than it needs to be. We all got to walk, we all got to play with each other, we all got to eat, and we all got home. For a baby, that is a very good day.

Tour Update

2008-07-30T20:26:00.006-04:00

On your mark...

Get Set

He's almost ready to go. Does this look like someone who is interested in crawling? This isn't a developmental thing so much as a tempermental thing. He's got the strength of a toddler and the energy of a small nuclear reactor. That's why I can't wait until next week. Next week is the next stop on the Party Pooper Tour '08. This next stop will take us to NYC and the lovely Pocono Mountains. While there I plan to enjoy other people holding onto the baby that loves to kick and hates to sit. I will enjoy watching his aunts' shirts be ruined. I will relax in a world class restaurant while Aunt Toni bathes the boy who does not stop splashing. I will drink cocktails with my wife while Aunt Traci feeds Jordan and Jordan tries to help while using his hands to grab pureed carrots. Some may call it a family reunion, but for his parents it will be a semi-vacation. I even got granddad to take pictures. OK I confess, I couldn't stop him if I tried. He has already finished half the video he is making for the trip that hasn't occured yet. The family has a pool for when the video will be finished and emailed to the parents. Granddad returns from the trip around dinnertime Monday. The pool currently is predicting that the odds are he will finish the video and email it before 8am Tuesday - 10am if he sleeps first.

PS - if anyone ever needs or wants to see the birthday montage again, I have moved it to the bottom of the screen.

Flipping the Script

2008-07-24T10:31:00.000-04:00

Someone has decided to flip the script. Jordan is not a fussy baby, but like all babies he has likes and dislikes. He can balance on all fours and will do so if we put him in that position. However, after about 30 seconds he either lies down or asks to be picked up. He doesn’t seem to be interested in being on all fours at all. Now standing up is the real fun. Stand him up and let him lean on a table or chair and he loves it! He will laugh and hit and have a jolly time leaning on the coffee table. I am going to get a video of it this weekend – it is too cute. He can’t stand up without holding on, but sometimes he acts like he can get up and walk. Of course the problem is that if I were a betting man I’d say he walks before he crawls. He definitely has the strength and this kid only wants to go full speed. Plus he doesn’t like being on all fours. It’s hard to eat stuff when you can’t use your hands.

He has also started down a very dangerous path. He has started to play with his electronic toys. He doesn’t just hit them anymore, he uses them properly to make noise. He has not only figured out cause and effect (finally), but he realizes that electronics are fun when they make noise and light up. I think he might grow out of it eventually, but judging by the new GPS in my car it will take at least another 30 years. I think a couple of months ago the mama Ali switched my baby for a toddler. He wants to stand up even though he can’t yet. He plays with his battery powered toys. He waves good bye. He plays with himself during diaper changes. If he gets hungry enough he holds his own bottle. He loves to spit all over his parents. He’s becoming a little boy right before my eyes.

Milestones

2008-07-16T21:54:00.004-04:00

Before

After

We have been reading him this story at least once a week for all of 2008, but he found it really funny this time. He has really started to laugh a lot more at a lot of stuff. He is a very happy baby, but he is also very very energetic. He is catching up to his actual growth chart, but he is still at adjusted development. He wears 12 month old clothes, fills 12 month diapers (Yikes), and has the energy and strength of a 12 month old. However, he developmentally doesn't have the balance. Imagine holding a 1 year old in your lap who is kicking you to get free. The problem is he can't walk or even crawl yet so if you put him down he's just going to lie there and taste the carpet and dogs. He thinks he can crawl, but he only sits when you out him down. I have no idea how I will be able to keep up with him later this year.

He is starting to interact with people in a very special way. He waves! I don't have it on video yet, but when other people wave at him he waves back. It's really cute for two reasons. First, he can only do that toddler fist thing. He waves by opening and losing his fist. Second, he is still working at it so he has to really pay attention when he waves. He doesn't look at the person he's waving at because he stares hard at his hand. Opening and closing his fist takes all of his concentration still and he looks so cute when he stares at his hands. I am going to get a video and try to post it next week.

Monday July 9th, 2007

2008-07-09T07:15:00.004-04:00

By now I am used to nurses coming into the room in the middle of the night. They frequently come in for vitals and medicines as necessary. They always inadvertently wake me up as well. This time is different however. This nurse came in at 2am and is still here after half an hour. I have to go to work tomorrow and this nurse doesn’t seem to care. I later find out that she wasn’t there for vitals, but rather because the monitor was showing some patterned activity at regular intervals. She doesn’t leave until well after 3am. How incredibly rude of this woman to do her job while preventing me to get enough sleep so I can do mine. If an accountant doesn’t get enough sleep he can add wrong. What’s the worse that can happen if a nurse doesn’t do her job (To all you nurses, I’m kidding of course).

When I finally do get up at the proper time I get to do something I haven’t been able to do at any hospital thus far. We have our own bathroom complete with a shower! If this room did not have a shower, I would have had to go home last night, but thank goodness for small miracles. They probably charged me $5 dollars for the soap I used one time, but it was worth it. Soon it is time to tell the mama Ali goodbye again. The drive from Jacksonville to the house (I work near the house) is over an hour without traffic. The drive isn’t even the worst part, but gas is approaching two and a half bucks per gallon! That’s as much as a subway token – if this city had subways! In my mind I am not 100% sure if I am coming back to the hospital today. I’ll worry about that later. The last thing I tell her is to remember what I want for my birthday – nothing. I go straight to work. She calls me around lunch.

Ever since before we met, I wondered what my reaction would be when I got the call that the baby was coming. I never imagined that the main emotion would be dread. She says that according to the doctor the baby is still in the sac, and has stuck his foot out of the cervix without breaking the sac. It isn’t happening now, but it is happening today. In my mind I think ‘Push the foot back in!’ By now when I walk into my boss’ office with tears in my eyes he knows I have to go. Later I would feel terrible about missing so much work, but I also know that if he hadn’t let me go I would have quit in a heartbeat. I have to get back to Jacksonville – even if they charge me $3 per gallon!

I run to the house and pack my bag. I won’t be back until I’m a father. I’m a father. It made me so sad that it actually hurts to even think it. I start to cry again. This is so unf- who is calling me now! Two of my friends are calling to wish me a happy birthday. They start singing the song and they get halfway through before I cut them off. I am abrupt about it, but after I tell them why they understand. I know that for the rest of my life – good or bad – I will never celebrate July 9th as my birthday again. The drive to Jacksonville takes twice as long when you are afraid. As I would learn over the summer when you are afraid of death that drive never seems to end. I might have gotten there faster if I could just stop crying. I don’t know when it happened, but at some point I convinced myself the doctor was wrong. He was wrong and/or lying. The first doctor was wrong when he said she couldn’t last the weekend. This one must be wrong too. Or maybe he’s mistaken. The foot isn’t sticking out – it’s just the umbilical cord. The sac has somehow stretched thin and let a bit of the cord out. I’m just upset now. How could this idiot make a mistake like that? The baby is fine. We’ve already done 11 days, we can do another 11 easily. Friggin quack.

By the time I get to the hospital, we do the hand off. My in laws have been there all day. I get the evening. I want to see the doctor and give him what for, but I decide decorum is the better part of valor for now. I sit down with my wife and we look at each other for a few seconds. I think of everything she has worked for for the last 11 days and how she has so many more days to go. I feel…OUCH!!! We were holding hands and getting all emotional and she squeezes my hands like she’s mad at me. She’s never squeezed so hard. I look from my hand to her face – oh shit. Her eyes are closed. Her breathing is deep and rapid. There is a tear out of one eye. This is a textbook contraction. No one mentioned contractions. My wife is in labor. I look at the pain on her face and I finally, totally, and without reservation know that it is a matter of hours before we become parents.

No one ever mentioned any symptoms to me before this. All I received was one phone call from a woman who was probably in labor when she called. Her body was betrying her heart and mind after 11 days. I never found out for sure that the foot was sticking out, but it no longer mattered. Contractions were 15 to 20 minutes apart and by the time I arrived she was dilated past 6cm. More than enough for a 20 ounce baby. When the doctor finally checks on her again I forgot I was ever mad. This man was our only hope, but hope was the one thing he could not offer us. He asks which method of delivery we want. With c-section, when the baby is pulled out he could get his head bent back too far. Not a problem with 6 pounders, but at 1 pound and not many fused bones in his neck, it would be instantly fatal. With vaginal birth he could get his head caught in the womb while being… You know what? The doctor essentially asked us which way we want the baby to die. The odds were in our favor but as we would hear about everything between now and labor day, his size meant the odds were not good.

The most important thing now was to get the 2nd shot of steroids. If the baby came early, then so be it. However, the shot had to be given no earlier than 7 pm and should be given at least another hour after that to work its magic. We just have to hold on for another hour before we can even get the shot. Right now we just have to labor through it. As a man I won’t pretend to know how hard it was for her, but for me the next hour was the longest hour of the entire time in the hospital – even longer than the hour I drove to get up to the hospital. It was active labor and her body was contracting. There was no way to stop it and I know that she was fighting it with every ounce of strength she had. This wasn’t supposed to be happening to us now.

By the time 7pm rolls around we finally get the shot. I still don’t remember where it was, but it wasn’t the belly and the needle was big. Then it was time to relax. Except in this case relax means to lie in bed in complete fear while your body is in active labor. My job is to do a little bit of everything. I have to hold hands, but I also have to get her a drink of water which is on the other side of the bed. I have to wipe down her forehead. I have to call the nurse. I have to do it all at the same time. I am totally ok with it because I would much rather be going through the emotional pain rather than the physical and emotional even more. The mama Ali has wanted to be pregnant for the longest time. I think she was looking forward to pregnancy before we even met. She felt that it was her fault the she was in the hospital. That it was something she did wrong. Now she was in labor and she felt it was also her fault. It took me weeks to convince her that this wasn’t her fault. In fact, this whole thing started with her feeling bad and going to see her OB for an emergency appointment. I know within my heart that if the situation had been reversed I would have tried to tough it out and not gone to see the doctor. In that aspect it is her fault she is in the hospital in labor right now, because if the situation had been reversed it probably would have ended as a miscarriage at home a week earlier.

My sister in law Liz arrives soon to help but I am not leaving the mama Ali tonight. She wouldn’t let me if I tried. However, we start to settle into some sort of routine for the next hour or so. Then we are to receive the epidural. I am glad to see that we are getting the doctor and not an assistant for this procedure. However, things do not go smoothly. Over the last 11 days my wife has been poked, pinched, stuck, and shot more times than you can shake a stick at. Now she has to get another series of injections directly into the spine. Let’s just say that she was relieved when the epidural was finally over. There was no epidural for the emotional pain.

Too soon the nurse does her final exam and calls the doctor. There isn’t full dilation yet, but there doesn’t need to be at 23 weeks and 3 days. She notifies the doctor and it is decided that it is time for the pregnancy to end. We are in line to deliver the baby. There are some people in front of us and as we can (and should) wait longer to deliver, we are given time before we go into delivery. As the husband, I am given scrubs to put on. Then the 3 of us are left alone in the room. There’s nothing to say so I don’t even try. Fear, shame, excitement, anger, grief, it’s all good, and it’s all there. In a few minutes it’s time for the parents to go to the operating room. The new aunt gets left behind.

To this day I don’t know why they had us in an operating room when I remember clearly there was no surgeon at all or surgical tools that I could see. There was our OB, and two assisting nurses. There were also 3 nurses in the back of the room standing next to a door. That door led to the NICU. The operating room was filled with other weird machines and contraptions, and for some reason a computer with a keyboard. The doctor finally breaks the infamous amnotic sac and starts to work but it becomes apparent that the epidural needs to be turned up. While we wait for that doctor to arrive, we are all left kind of standing around. The OB can’t do his work, there are five nurses for the baby who can’t do anything, even I can’t do my coaching. I figured coaching would be taught in one of those classes that people take in the third trimester. Maybe next pregnancy. Within a few minutes I confess my attention begins to wander and I start looking at some of the machines and wondering what they do and how they do it. The mama Ali makes clear her disapproval and I snap back to attention. Soon the other doctor comes and turns up the drip on the happy juice and it’s finally time. I have lived 30 years, and been married 6. I have had some intense fights with my father, had some real wars with my sister, and even fought with my bride all day on our wedding day. The most difficult and painful words I ever had to say in my life was when I had to lean over and tell my wife after 23 and a half weeks of pregnancy, “OK baby, it’s time to push.”

Pushing did not last too long as I remember it, but the person pushing might have a different opinion. I do remember that the doctor cut the cord before the baby was all of the way out. I do remember that the doctor made no pretense at showing us the baby or congratulating us. I do remember hearing a cry as the doctor handed him to the nurses who immediately ran from the room. There was no placing the baby on momma’s belly. No wipe down of the afterbirth. No measurements. The baby would be able to take two or three breaths on his own and then suffocate without help. I would not hear the baby cry again for two months. I didn’t get a good look at him and he was out of the room before the mama Ali opened her eyes. I don’t remember what he looked like, but I remember how small he was. I remember thinking that in general grandparents usually say they could eat the baby right up. This baby looked so small that I believed they could. I remember looking up at the clock and it was 10 pm. It was 10 o’clock and I didn’t know where my child was. Nothing was the best present I could have gotten for my birthday, but this was definitely the second best present.

When we get back to the room, my sister in law is waiting to find out how it went. The delivery went as expected, but that’s all we know. We are told that they are working on the baby and that they will let us know when we can go see him. The nurse privately tells me that if for some reason he doesn’t respond to treatment, they will bring us to the NICU asap. She doesn’t mention that they would only do that so we can say goodbye. The mama Ali was still recovering from pregnancy and they wouldn’t let her get up, but at least she could now lie with her head above her feet. It was my job to call both sets of the new grandparents. Everyone else could wait until tomorrow because I was in no mood to talk. I just need to know how the baby is. I don’t bother the nurse because she doesn’t know and she will just try to placate me. I don’t need reassurance. I need information dammit!

When the neonatologist walks in, she is wearing one of those gowns that goes over the scrubs and to me she looked like the angel of death. I just knew that he didn’t make it and we didn’t even get to hold him. In reality, she gave us the best news that she could. The baby was stable. He responded well to the treatment so far and he was stable. She couldn’t say the baby was fine because I don’t think anyone said that about Jordan until August. She then went over some of the potential complications that could occur at anytime – some of which was beyond their control to treat. It was a rather grim conversation.

The nurses still want the the mama Ali in bed. They have to monitor her vitals for a while and she isn’t allowed to get out of bed. After a few minutes, the mama Ali tells me to go without her. I want to stay with her to show support, but she is right. We don’t know what is happening and the baby deserves to be with at least one of his parents if things get really bad really fast. After I am sure the door to the room is securely closed, I literally run down the hallway to the NICU. The nurse on duty tells me to scrub my hands for 3 minutes by the timer and then she’ll show me the way. I care nothing for washing my hands, but I know I am washing my hands for baby, not me. I just need to see him. As the nurse walks me through the NICU I feel like a condemned man walking to the electric chair. I see really little babies hooked up to lots of support. I am filled with sadness at the little suffering bodies who don’t know life yet, only medicine. The nurse interrupts my thougts by pointing out my son 10 feet ahead.

His area is a bay in the NICU. The back is a wall and the two sides are curtains. If necessary the curtains can be drawn across the front to provide privacy. The wall is decorated with kids drawings and accented with blue trim. The baby is also blue. He is bathed in this blue light that looks a lot like a tanning light, but it makes him look blue. Healthy babies aren’t blue! Had there not been a chair next to the ‘bed’ I might have collapsed on the floor in total despair. As I sat in the chair the entire weight of the last 11 days is coming out. I cry as I have never cried before. Compared to this, June 29th was a weep. There are no thoughts. No insights. All that’s happening is that this is my son, he’s going to die before he had a chance to live, and it’s not fair!

I have been fortunate in that the only death I have known previously has been that of older relatives. The youngest funeral I ever attended was for my aunt Carole and she was in her early 60s. At her funeral I cried because of the memories I had of her. Tonight I cried because of the memories I wouldn’t have. I cried because there would be no Christmas. No skinned knees. No temper tantrums in a crowded restaurant. I cried because July 9th just became the worst day of my life, not just the first. I cried for longer and deeper than I ever have. I was in a dark place that I was prepared to stay in for a very long time. I don’t know what happened, but I heard a voice that said that this is my son. My first born son was lying lying next to me and he’s going to die. Don’t let his only memory be the memory of his father crying. Don’t be afraid to show him emotions, but don’t let the only emotion he ever knows be grief. For the first time in an hour I open my eyes.

I never got the chance to really examine the baby before. He was lying on his back on a special table. It was surrounded on all sides by a 3 inch tall plastic barrier, but was otherwise open. There was a heater above keeping him warm and the tanning lamp next to him that made him look blue. He was lying on a foam pad about as long as my foot. He was surrounded above and on the sides by something the size and shape of a shoe box but made of clear plastic. A machine was pumping some sort of mist into the showbox. He was surrounded by blankets, but not covered so that the heater could keep him warm. He was wearing a mask over his eyes so that if he ever attempted to open his eyes he wouldn’t be blinded by the tanning lights. He had leads in several areas over his chest to measure his vitals. There are several I.V.s, but because it still works for now, they are all placed in the navel. His arms are no thicker than my fingers. He was just starting to grow hair. I can see the future hairline, but the hair is just barely starting to sprout. He has a tube coming from his mouth to the ventilator. It is a very unusual ventilator. Rather than attempt to have him breathe at a normal pace, it does the breathing cycle over a hundred times a minute. It actually vibrates his chest and many NICUs use it for the smallest patients. The baby was of course not completely developed so his skin looks kind of thin. The nurses inform me that the baby’s skin is so new that they actually don’t wish to be touched at all. It’s too sensitive. At any rate he can’t be held until he is off of the vent.

As my sister in law joins me at the bedside, my tears have slowed to a trickle. For some reason the thought of him filled me with fear, but the sight of him is completely different. I don’t want to say that I feel hope, but definitely an absence of fear. When my sister in law comes I introduce the baby as if I have known him for years. In reality we haven’t even officially named him yet (That was going to occur in the 3rd trimester). Again, I feel a sense of pride as he kicks, but this time I can see it. Five minutes after baby neets his aunt, a nurse wheels in his mother in a wheel chair. There is no introduction here. Mothers have a bond with baby and for 11 days she has done nothing but strengthen that bond. Baby doesn’t move or react in anyway, but he gets his mother to do something I haven’t seen in July at all. She smiles.

As difficult as the last 11 days were, the next 109 were going to be the most difficult of our lives. There were over 95 round trips made by us to the hospital equaling over 12,000 miles. We stayed at the Ronald McDonald house 6 times and in the NICU itself 3. My wife and I would have our most raw fears and emotions exposed which led to too many fights in the hallway outside the NICU. I personally would wash my hands at the scrubbing sink for some 150 times – about seven and a half hours in total. I would cook at home 5 times and gain about 20 pounds. I would pay over $3 for a gallon of gas and complain about it. We would be called by the doctor to spend the night at the hospital twice. The baby would have it harder. He would have a machine breathe for him for the first month of life. He would not know the feeling of no IV sticking him for another month after that. He would experience more X rays in 3 months than I have experienced in my life. Of course he would also experience many kangaroo cares, messy diapers, tube feedings, bottles, and one special car ride. Those 109 days days for the baby however, is an entirely different story.

Happy Birthday, son.

Thank You For Today

2008-07-09T07:14:00.003-04:00

Today is the birthday of my two favorite men. May each year get better and brighter. Happy Birthday and I love you both.

Sunday July 8th, 2007

2008-07-08T09:10:00.000-04:00

“You guys are out of here!” is the strangest greeting we have ever received from the doctor. “I was able to get you a space in Jacksonville and an ambulance is on the way to pick you up.” I couldn’t believe it. Someone made a decision on a Sunday morning. We were leaving Daytona.

I woke up expecting Sunday to be a slow day. I knew her parents would stop by as they did daily, and my family probably would stop by. Otherwise, I expected to get a lot of reading in. But then the doctor comes in at lunchtime with the weird news. My in-laws are already there and I have to tell my family not to bother coming in. Too bad, I was going to have them bring me lunch.

My in-laws and I have to go into overdrive since the ambulance is literally on the way to get us. They pack and I carry everything to the car. They aren’t coming up to Jacksonville today and I won’t get to push any buttons in the ambulance anyway, so I am going to drive my car. As I am making one of the runs I pass a baby on the way out. There is an isolette with monitor and sensors all over it and a tube running from the isolette to a ventilator. This is all sitting on a stretcher being wheeled out by two paramedics. I can’t see the baby at all, but I now think I have met her. In Jacksonville we met another micro preemie who was born in Daytona on the 7th. This may have been her or may not, but the last time we saw her she was doing fine and had gone home.

It takes 3 or 4 trips to empty out the room, which easily took over a half hour in this hospital. By the time I am done the mama Ali is already on a stretcher. We have already discussed a big concern for this trip. Riding in an ambulance for an hour and a half will give her a good shaking. A pothole at highway speeds could case the water to break. I try hard to reassure her. The interstate here is relatively smooth, it’s the middle of the summer, and ambulances probably have good shock absorbers. I wish I could ride with her, but there’s no room in the back for me. I escort her down to the ambulance area and kiss her goodbye. “Remember what I want for my birthday”

I have to stop at the house because I was not prepared to spend Sunday night out. I was supposed to sleep here tonight, but I am not going to let her spend the first night in this hospital alone. I don’t know what will happen, but whatever happens will happen in Jacksonville. I haven’t mentioned it yet, but I don’t know if I can make the daily round trip every day. I’ll worry about that in the future, but now it’s time to go to the new hospital.

The new hospital is nothing short of enormous. There are several buildings as part of the complex instead of one large building. It takes me some 15 minutes to find the maternity area which is only 5 minutes from my car. When I finally get up to the room the mama Ali is already there and the nurse is checking her over. It seems every new hospital has slightly different gadgets and they have to hook up their own IV machine and put on their own stockings for her feet. I get the chance to check out the room. We are definitely not in the long term section. This room has enough space for anyone and everyone who wants to stand at the foot of the bed. I could probably fit 2 air mattresses down there without moving a thing. We have our own bathroom complete with a shower! I don’t know how long they will let us stay in this room, but I can handle this for a long time.

Soon the doctor comes in. It’s time to get down to business. First, we figure out the exact date the pregnancy began because at 23 weeks and 2 days, everyday counts. Babies at 24 weeks do well, they don’t do anything at this hospital for 22 weekers. Had it been 3 days earlier in the pregnancy, they wouldn’t even try to save the baby. The doctor goes over the numbers. 23-24 weeks is a critical interval as far as lung development. Very rarely do babies at 22 weeks survive even with the best support. At 24 weeks, most babies survive just fine. At 23 weeks around 1 in 3 survive. Of those that survive, around 1 in 10 have no lasting effects. Lasting effects could be anything from cerebral palsy, to spinal defects, to retardation, to a million different things. I do the quick math in my head and realize he is telling us that the chance of a perfectly normal baby is about 3 percent. When the baby is born t 23 weeks, the stress of birth will cause him to take 2 or 3 breaths on his own. After that he will be too weak to breathe and his lungs will be too immature to work on room air anyway. He will need lots of oxygen and a machine to breathe for him. The doctor then asked a question I will never forget. “After the baby is born, he will need lots of support and the odds are that even with the support he probably won’t survive. If he does, he will probably never be a normal child. If he is born at 23 weeks, do you want us to save him?”

We have all seen shows on TV or kids in the mall and asked ourselves, could we raise a handicapped kid? Could we raise a kid that might be blind, or in a wheelchair, or severely retarded? If we knew in advance that the fetus had Down’s syndrome would we terminate the pregnancy? I don’t mean to say that I know what you would answer, but you never forget when the doctor asks you that question. The doctor asked me do I want to go further when there is little to no chance of my kid being able to play basketball because he can’t see, or run, or remember the rules? Even after everything we had been through for 10 days I must make a confession now that I have never made before. Even after all that I had put my wife through for 10 days, I thought about it. I actually stopped to ask myself that question seriously for one last time. The mama Ali didn’t miss a beat and said that’s what we have been working for for the last 10 days. She may have thought I was letting her answer. In reality I was just thinking about it. I probably would have said yes, but I must say that I actually had to think about it. When she answered that question for me I think I matured about 5 years. I was no longer the guy in his 20s who could still flirt with all the girls if he wasn’t married. I stopped being the guy who shopped at Spencer gifts and put a gallon of gas in the Geo because that’s all I could afford. Now I’m a father with a little boy. A boy with special needs.

The doctor said that if we intended to save the baby, that his lungs were not ready yet. They have a steroid (not that kind of steroid) that when administered to the mother helps the lungs develop, but it is given in two shots, and the shots must be given 24 hours apart. I thought the guy was crazy. We of course agreed to take the shots, but 24 hours isn’t a problem. We’ve been in the hospital for 10 days, we should be able to at least finish out the week. The nurse comes in with the needle. The clock says 7pm.

For the rest of the evening we are both in a state of shock. We have been through so much, and right now it seems all for nothing. 10 days in the hospital. Thousands of dollars per day. Too many I.V.s and injections to measure. Powdered eggs every morning. We thought it was all so we can get here and they can save the baby. Even though the odds get better every passing minute, survival is still unlikely. Part of me wants to cry, but too many tears have been shed in July. I’m all out of tears for now. The only saving grace is that we have made it through another day after the doctors said we couldn’t. Tomorrow is July 9th, my 30th birthday.

Saturday July 7th, 2007

2008-07-07T08:36:00.000-04:00

Saturday morning was like any other in the hospital. The staff doesn’t know it’s the weekend. It has only been a week, but I feel as if I have been doing the hospital thing for about a month. I usually get up early because I can’t sleep well under the physical and emotional conditions. I try and take care of my hygiene as quietly as possible. I still feel nasty afterwards because there is no shower accessible in the hospital. If I haven’t woken up the mama Ali, the nurse does when she brings in the breakfast. I feel that the baby needs the energy so I always try and feed her more than she wants to eat. Funny how she doesn’t enjoy eating powdered eggs while lying upside down with an IV in her arm. After breakfast I try and help her clean up as best as possible. Washing the face and hands. Brushing teeth. Cleaning up anything the nurses have left her like iodine or tape residue. Usually I try and straighten up the room for busy work or we just talk. I think one day she attempted to read. She never watched TV in the morning and very rarely in the evening.

There was almost always a late morning nap because she spent all day in bed. That would be my chance to run down to the cafeteria and get my own breakfast. Daytona and Ormond were just alike. The food had been under the lamps for too long, I was excited to eat until I tasted the food. The places only took cash and they took too much of it. I would always try to get extra food to bring back to the room. The mama Ali wasn’t ever hungry.

Today was slightly different from the usual day. My family always goes out to dinner to celebrate my birthday and since my younger sister was in town, today was the day. I was fully prepared to have everyone order their food to go and to have dinner in the hospital room. That way, my wife would not feel left out at a time when she already felt so bad. She would have none of it. She didn’t want to inconvenience 5 other people so that we can all sit around and watch her eat while wearing a hospital gown, needing a shower, and generally pretending as if we weren’t in a hospital. She made a convincing point. She made me promise to hurry back as soon as possible and to not have any fun. My mother and sister come to the hospital room around lunchtime where I insist on doing an ultrasound again (More goo for me to wipe up later). Again there is no real reason for this other than to show my family that the baby can kick. That is something entirely appropriate for 23 weeks, but yet I still feel proud.

The doctor stops by after lunch to do an exam. We ask him about getting us to the better hospital to deliver the baby. There are only a handful of options. We can go to one in Jacksonville or one of two in Orlando. However, those hospitals don’t just take anyone. First, they need a bed for us. I’d also like a shower, but I don’t mention it. Also, the hospitals want people who are at least 23 weeks at an absolute minimum, something we just reached today. He was going to work on it and keep us updated. That meant another night in Daytona. Sunday didn’t look good either because admitting us to a new hospital would require someone at the new hospital making a decision, and the decision makers tended not to work the Sunday after Independence Day.

After lunch I leave with my family and within a few hours we are heading out to eat. We try out a new fancy restaurant. I actually liked the food, but the guilt was unbearable. When I saw my sister bicker over something with her husband, I wanted the chance to bicker with my wife. When I saw another couple in the restaurant with a screaming toddler, I actually was jealous that they had a screaming toddler. The food even made me feel guilty. From June 29th through July 7th I had survived on 3 food groups. The first was cafeteria. Hot, but bland. The second food group was drive thru. Convenient, but probably committing suicide. The 3rd food group was home cooking. That was made up entirely of PB&J sandwiches I made myself for breakfast before work. This dinner was my first real food in July. By the time the month would be over I would have eaten more fast food than in all of 2006. I don’t think I turned on the stove at all in July 2007.

Soon enough it was time for me to get back to the hospital. This was no small task. The hospital was directly across from the racetrack. In fact, we stay in the hospital that the racers go to when they get in a crash. Tonight is the Pepsi 400. Traffic is bad and it takes twice as long to get back to the hospital as it took to leave it earlier. By the time I get back to the room, the mama Ali was watching TV. We even watched a lap of the race (that’s a lot for us). At the end of the evening the mama Ali went to sleep and the race was over. They conclude the race with a major fireworks show. We are facing away from the track, so I see nothing, but I fall asleep to the sound of something that sounds like gunfire.

Friday July 6th, 2007

2008-07-06T07:54:00.004-04:00

Every 4th of July weekend my younger sister comes to visit from Atlanta. I guess she thinks Atlanta in July isn't hot enough. Anyway, she arrives shortly before I leave work. I have her and her husband meet me at my house. The mama Ali wants me to come straight to the hospital, but I give them a quick tour at my new job. Soon enough we arrive in Daytona for them to visit and for me to stay.

My younger sister has always felt uncomfortable in hospitals. When she's in the hospital she wants to leave. When others are in the hospital she tries so hard to act as if nothing is wrong. Today is a little different. She is full of questions. We are full of answers. It's nice to have visitors.

After they leave, we are alone again in the hospital. I have only spent one night in this room so far. I stay here to show support for my wife, but this place is not designed for my comfort. I have to move most of the furniture that isn't nailed down to make room for the air mattress. When the nurse come in to take vitals, I have to move out of the way. On top of that, the pregnant woman lying underneath all of the blankets gets to choose the thermostat setting. However, this is a good day. She has now been in the hospital since the previous Friday with no changes. She isn't dilated to any different level and I remind her that it is time to flip the page. We have one of those pregnancy books at home that covers pregnancies week by week. Even though we don't actually read the book since the hospital, we used to turn the page every Saturday. It's one of those books that has a brief paragraph mentioning that in some rare instances some mothers go into labor at this point ad spend months in the NICU - but that won't happen to the readers of the book. I need to write the publisher and get a refund. We have just finished 22 weeks of pregnancy and tomorrow will begin week 23. I don't know it at the time but there will be no week 24.

Thursday July 5th, 2007

2008-07-05T09:19:00.001-04:00

In life I find some days are better than others. Sometimes I wake up on Monday and it’s going to be a great day. A week later I wake up on Monday and it’s going to be a terrible day. When I walk into the hospital room today, there might as well be a rain cloud in the room. The mama Ali is in a bad mood. She has been eating bland food for 7 days. I’ve tried bringing in outside food, but your favorite take out doesn’t taste the same when you are upside down. She has had an IV inserted somewhere in her body all that time, and they frequently move it around. I think the IVs are the worst for her. She naturally hates needles and inserting an IV has started to sound like a bad sitcom. The first nurse comes in and for whatever reason has to move the IV to the other arm. That nurse fails. Then they call in the senior nurse. The senior nurse usually has the most experience and knowledge of the job. The senior nurse is usually an older person with a less steady hand. This fails as well. Then they call the assistant to the anesthesiologist. The assistant is usually busy. All told moving the IV around can take up to 20 minutes.

On top of all that is the fact that the mama Ali is a fundamentally private woman. She is a private woman who hasn’t worn anything other than a hospital gown since being admitted. A private woman who has had relative strangers see parts of her body they were never supposed to see. Back in the day we would watch those reality birth shows on TV and she would always comment that there were always too many people standing at the foot of the bed. Now she has random people checking down there for various reasons on a daily basis. Even basic hygiene is a challenge. She can’t wash her hands so she just puts layers of sanitizer on top of layers. She can’t do her own hair and has to rely on family. Her hair has not and will not be washed at all in the hospital. Try brushing your teeth while lying upside down in bed everyday.

Today she looks like she’s ready to break. She isn’t mad at anyone, but she would like to just be able to sit next to the window and look outside. My job this evening is to reassure her. I think it will be easy. She has gone 7 days when the doctors thought she would not be able to last 3. We’re in a hospital where they can save the baby if she goes into labor. I try to get her to realize that if we have already lasted 7 days then logically we must be able to last another 7 weeks (I have really started to believe that). The baby is healthy and being checked by doctors everyday. However, it doesn’t help as much as I thought. She’s not interested in TV, or reading, or computers. She doesn’t ever complain but I know that what she needs is a shower and a pair of underwear. As I walk out of the hospital that night, the nurse can tell I’m in a down mood and asks if I am OK. I simply answer, “No.” and walk out to the parking lot.

Wednesday July 4th, 2007 - Unindependence day

2008-07-04T09:14:00.002-04:00

First thing this morning, the nurse is in the room delivering breakfast and taking the vitals. This is one of our favorite nurses and we both like talking with her about her job. Today she said that we were fortunate to be having a little boy. She said that when babies are born premature (This crazy lady still thinks we can’t make it), the not all babies are created the same. She mentioned that black boys tend to do the best, and that white boys tend to do the worst, with girls of either race somewhere in between. She said that it didn’t have to do with any reason that she knew about but that typically that’s the way things end up usually when it comes to preemies. I didn’t appreciate this nurse having to involve race in what was a blatant lie, but I realized that she was doing it to make us feel better. Later on I learned that she was actually telling the truth. When learning about micro preemies I learned that many caretakers actually use a term WWB – wimpy white boy. You won’t find it on a medical chart or text but typically white boys, particularly ones that are part of multiples, respond the worst to treatments. Who knew?

I understand why the hospital put little decorations with the food to celebrate the holiday, but they need to look at this from our perspective. First of all, they are reminding us that we are essentially missing the holiday. In-patients aren't going anywhere and in our case in particular, the patient will walk 5 steps today if at all. It's like going out of your way to remind people they are missing thanksgiving by serving them turkey loaf. Second, of all holidays that symbolize the exact opposite of what she is experiencing – Independence day? Let's just say we are totally dependent today. The closest we get to celebrating the holiday is when she gets a hamburger for lunch. It wasn't very appetizing.

I also see the doctor that day and ask him about that bulletin board I saw with the graduates. He explains that babies are judged based on their gestation not their size. For example it is common in the case of multiples for them to be of a smaller size, but be more developed. That means if triplets are all born weighing less than a pound but at 25 weeks they have a better chance than a baby weighing a pound and a half at 22 weeks. He compared the lungs to a car engine. A Honda Civic engine that’s fully built works better than a locomotive with half the parts missing. Another factor is that the Daytona NICU does not have the state of the art machines right now. Little babies need very very special equipment that is very expensive. Daytona may have had some of that in the past, but today they don’t. Daytona has the equipment to attempt to stabilize a baby at 22 weeks and 5 days, but all they can do is make the attempt. Our best choice is a level 1 NICU, and none of the local ones will take us this early.

Soon after lunch we get a visitor from the mama Ali’s job. She’s one of our friends and they haven’t seen each other in a week. It's great to have visitors. We are great friends with her family and we enjoy hearing family talk How the kids are doing. How the husband is doing. Ordinarily I would just go off with Simon and let them talk, but Simon is watching the kids and I am not going anywhere this afternoon. I take that back. I do run down to the cafeteria the get lunch They were serving the normal July 4th stuff, but in the end I'm just not that hungry. I'm not worn down or sad, just not in a celebration mood. It's like working on Thanksgiving. Leftover turkey sandwiches are not the real thing.

The rest of the day is actually pretty fun. The girls are acting like one of them isn't lying in bed wearing a hospital gown. For the first time in days I get to make some progress on the book I'm reading. Another day down, and about 99 to go. Even though there are no fireworks for me this year I walk out of the hospital with John Sousa playing in my head. We are going to make it to the end of the pregnancy.

Tuesday July 3rd, 2007

2008-07-03T07:43:00.000-04:00

For the first time in days I finish a full day at work. I don’t gets 8 hours of work done, but the lights stay on and the bills get paid. I run out of work like Bart Simpson runs out of school at the end of the day. Daytona here I come.

Walking into the hospital I walked past that damn nursery again. This time I stopped at the bulletin board where they had pictures of some of their ‘graduates’. The pictures are all of little babies. Really little ones. About half of them weigh less than two pounds. The oldest picture is of a two pounder born the same year as me. The smallest weighed just under a pound. Our doctor estimates that our baby is just a shade over a pound based on his length. It’s time we have a heart to heart about our baby with the doctor. According to these pictures, he may be OK here even if he was born today.

The doctor had already done his rounds by the time I arrived. There was no change in the mama Ali’s condition. Another day down. I start to actually believe that the mama Ali can hold out for a few more days. When I get there, she had spent some time watching TV, but as usual spent most of the day napping. I feel a little guilty about being up and about, but then again I felt that way all week. Her hair had been done by her mom and her nurse had wiped her down. The baths always made her feel better. Lying under the covers all day caused her to sweat to various degrees. Also it seemed as if they moved the IV around daily and her arms would swathed in iodine. For some reason I forget, they had her wear special tight leggings which were taken off during the bath. I spent most of the evenings in the hospital talking about stuff outside the hospital. I didn’t know the gossip at her job so I just kept her up on current events. Her mother kept her up on family gossip during the day while I was at work. Seeing her in good spirits raises my mood. I walk out of that hospital feeling more confident than I have felt in days. Who knows? A 40 week pregnancy isn’t possible, but if we take it a day at a time, maybe we can make 30 weeks.

When I get to the house I’m feeling good enough to do something I haven’t yet done. It’s time to call family and friends. Of course the parents knew and they called and told some people. However, most of the family didn’t know yet. I haven’t called from the hospital because they would want to talk to the mama Ali who is rarely in the mood to talk to me let alone to the rest of the family. Besides, the nurses get real picky about being on cell phones around all their fancy equipment. I would have done it earlier, but tonight is the first night at the house without crying. Everyone of course offers their sympathy and support. I have single handedly made today a bad day for about a dozen people. Tomorrow I will go for another dozen when I call the rest of the family.

Monday July 2nd, 2007

2008-07-02T07:46:00.000-04:00

At every job I have worked at there are certain days that even though we may be open for business, nothing gets done. The day after Thanksgiving. The entire week between Xmas and New Year’s. For me, today is one of those days. I walk into work knowing that if anything work related comes out of my office today it will be purely coincidental. I have work to do, but almost none with my job. After I check my work email I start making phone calls.

However, the mama Ali calls me at 9am while I’m just getting warmed up. There is no way not to be nervous when she calls me anymore. Every call could be the call. This call is to let me know that they have finally gotten clearance for her to be transferred to Daytona. My boss is already well aware of my situation and lets me leave work in the middle of the day. Again. It wasn’t the last time that summer. I have to quickly get to Ormond. I have to hurry up and get there and – wait. I get to Ormond around 10:30 am. The ambulance doesn’t arrive until about an hour after that. We don’t leave the hospital until noon. As they transfer the mama Ali from the bed to the stretcher, they don’t want her to move. They don’t want her to attempt to help. They actually lift up the sheet she is lying on to transfer her to the stretcher. In my mind I can only think of one thing. I know that Ormond will charge us $300 for taking their sheet. Will Daytona give us a $300 credit for giving them a sheet?

All little boys grow up wanting to ride in a fire truck. They are big and colorful and make lots of noise. Plus they play with fire. Other than the fire part, ambulances are the same and for the first time I get to ride in the front. Alas, the siren was not turned on. We did not drive fast. We ran no lights. We did not get to choose the radio station. We were not allowed to push any of the buttons to find out what they did. We were not covered by insurance. We are still paying the ambulance company. However, they did deliver her to Daytona in probably about 5 seconds faster than I could have managed on my own and she was still pregnant. I suppose it was worth it. I still want to ride in a fire truck.

When we got out of the ambulance I saw that the techs had misinterpreted the directions for her. In the hospital she had been lying in a position where the bed was flat and the whole bed was tilted such that her head was the lowest part of her. I can’t spell the name so we will call this the ‘funny T’ position. The techs interpreted this to mean that her legs should be elevated, but that her head can be a little elevated as well causing her to lie in a V position. That meant for the first time in days the fluid wasn’t rushing to her head. In the time it took to ride from Ormond to Daytona it looked as if she lost a couple of pounds. It was funny. I didn’t mention anything because she had the chance to do something she wouldn’t be able to do again. Look around. After being in Ormond for 3 days she never got to look around. She could only she what she could see from the bed. She couldn’t even see out the other side of the window. Now she was looking around the maternity ward. This was her only chance while she was pregnant to actually look in other rooms, or see the hallway, or know what the floor was covered with. Altogether too quickly she was placed in a room where she would only be able to study the same for walls. She never complained about that part – not even once.

Daytona was a bigger hospital than Ormond – by far. In fact other than the beachfront hotels and the raceway, it was the tallest building in town. They even had a segregated area in the maternity ward for the women who would be there for a long time. I do mean segregated because it was the proverbial back of the bus and the literal back of the ward. I don’t have a problem with that. The long term stay rooms were half the size of the other rooms. I could sort of deal with that. The worst part was that to get to our room we had to walk past the nursery/NICU. The NICU was sealed off, but the nursery was there. The babies were big and chubby. I would find out that the babies were also in there for hours – not weeks. The mama Ali did not see that and would not see that. I saw it daily. Coming and going.

The room was not like the other rooms either. The other rooms were designed to be big enough for the doctor, nurses, several family, and anyone else who cared to watch. They also had wide but hard beds. The long term rooms had beds that were softer but less wide and were not expected to hold a baseball team at the foot of the bed. Our room was narrow with most of the floor space taken up by the bed and two chairs. I would have to move furniture around if I expected to sleep here. I would even have to move the bed over to make room. This was a room where they put people who are going to be there a while. That means the doctor was wrong about the end being close. He said that the pregnancy wouldn’t last the weekend. Now it’s Monday afternoon and they are preparing for the pregnancy to last longer. I walked into that new room with my wife and a smile on my face.

My in laws were there and true to form they tried to straighten up the room. My job was to get the clothes and stuff from the car. Their job was to organize it. They’re funny like that. I also made some more phone calls to bill companies. We weren’t behind yet, but little things need to be taken care of. I don’t want to insure a car that won’t be driven. The health club membership has to go for now at least. My wife won’t be working for a while so let’s see if we can skip a car payment. The house has internet, but the computer is in the hospital. She has her own health insurance and the baby will be on mine so I need to notify both insurance companies. Her insurance company had trouble understanding how she could be in labor 3 months after her first ultrasound. So did I.

Before I knew it, it was time to go again. I desperately wanted to stay the first night in the new room, but I had to go. Saying goodbye was hard again, but not as hard. There was still the fear, but the doctor said there were no major changes, so there was a possibility that she could last another day. If she can go all day Monday without giving birth, she can do it Tuesday. I remember telling her as I left that I knew what I wanted for my birthday – nothing. Today was the 2nd. My birthday was the 9th. She knew exactly what I meant.

Sunday July 1st, 2007

2008-07-01T07:45:00.000-04:00

Today was a special day. This afternoon all 4 grandparents (parents at the time) came to visit the hospital room. The simple fact is that the hospital room is pretty boring. The mama Ali has been spending a lot of time napping (because she always in bed) and when there’s no one in there with us, it gets boring. For me, mornings are the worst. For her, all day is the worst. However, the fun part is when we get visitors. Today we get several!

When all of the parents arrived, there of course was the normal talk about the mama Ali and the baby. However, that soon stopped and it turned to other topics. “Did you hear about what the mayor said last week?” “That construction project on the interstate is never going to be finished!” 3 of 4 parents are retired teachers and the 4th also worked for the city, so they spent lots of time complaining about how their old jobs sucked and how things have gone to hell in their respective cities since they left. It felt great. It was normal conversation that made it feel like a normal Sunday get together. I almost forgot I was in the hospital – almost.

Something else weird happened that afternoon. When the nurse came in to check the vitals, I asked her to hook up the fetal monitor. For some reason that I don’t understand today, I was proud of hearing that heartbeat and wanted the future grandparents to hear it. I don’t know why I was so anxious for everyone to hear it. The baby was totally healthy and had solid vitals the entire pregnancy. There really is no discussion to occur. “The heartbeat sounds strong today.” “He has his mother’s left ventricle.” “His aortic valve sounds a little weak, but I know some vitamins he can take for that.” Still, I wanted them to hear. The heart was still beating. Occasionally there would be a hiccup. For some reason I felt proud. I still do today, but now I have a reason.

Eventually I was time for my parents to go. Everyone had come to a consensus that the schools sucked back in the day and will continue to suck in the future. My in laws stuck around and tried to straighten up the room since we were going to be there for a while. More than anyone else I’ve ever met, they truly seem to enjoy the act of cleaning. Everyone enjoys being in a clean place, but they genuinely enjoy the act of getting someplace clean. I don’t mind and they do good work. However, before they finish it’s time for me to go.

I was at the hospital from lunchtime Friday until dinnertime Sunday, but it I time to go. Outside of this hospital, the world still rotates and life goes on. My job still operates and I get paid to be there. It’s time to go to my house and get ready for tomorrow. First, I have to say goodbye. How do I say that? She knows I love her more than ever and she loves me back. We are thankful for each other and know it. We are both scared and know it. We will miss each other over the next day and know it. There is absolutely nothing either of us can say that we don’t already intimately know. We are both crying so hard that to this day I don’t remember if we actually said anything, but I remember that we didn’t need to.

An hour later I am at my house. I call it my house because I am homeless. My home has life, this place is dead. My home smells like food at 7pm. This place has no smell. My home has dogs running around. This place doesn’t even have bugs running around. My home has a wife nagging me about bills. This place is totally silent……….

I go through the motions of laundry and showering (I really needed one). And then what? Of course I cry, but now for selfish reasons. I am more alone than I have ever been in my life. Even when I’ve been alone before I had options. I could see a friend or visit family. Today I am a gray cloud that would ruin the mood of anyone I visit. I can’t even invite anyone over the my house because the place is such a mess. Someone needs to clean this place up….and that means me. It’s mine now. All mine. I get to run the house. I have to run the house. There’s a stack of bills to be paid. I have plenty of laundry to do. I have to run this house alone after doing it 50/50 for years. I have complained in the past when her laundry interferes with mine. We always negotiate which bills will be paid by whom this month. We always fight about the thermostat. If I sit here feeling sorry for myself for the next – next whatever, there won’t be house to bring her back to.

It’s time to start feeling sorry for myself. I have a very important job to do and I am not strong enough to look her in the eye and tell her I can’t do it. Her car isn’t going anywhere (I don’t remember how or when I took it from the hospital), but I’m still paying insurance? My house is only 80 degrees in FL in July and I haven’t been here in 2 days! (in case you don’t know 80 degrees is cold for FL) Her lifeline to the world is a cell phone that the bill hasn’t been paid on! I don’t know what the future holds, but my only choices are that I can let it happen or make it happen. I go to bed that night knowing that if my wife has the strength to lie in bed all day, then I have got to have the strength to man up. Monday is going to be a very busy day.

Saturday June 30th, 2007

2008-06-30T07:57:00.000-04:00

Really, the hospital room is nice, but it isn’t designed for me sleeping on the floor. The nurse has to come in during regular intervals to take vitals. My air mattress takes up a lot of the floor space. In a tie between me and the nurses, the nurses win. Anyway, if I was looking to sleep comfortably, I would have stayed at home. After a while I get tired of lying there. It’s time to get up and …oh right, nevermind. I just read a novel until she wakes up. As I mentioned before, we have different ways of coping with fear. One of her things is that she needs me. Nothing major, just little things. Fluff the pillow. Pass the cell phone. More or less blankets. Juice. Water. More incline or less (but never flat). Help her eat breakfast. I am more than willing to all of these things and more. Even though she is lying there, her job is the hardest. How can I tell her no because I’m reading an exciting chapter or looking up sports scores on the Internet?

The mama Ali hates hospital food (Does anyone really like it?). On top of that, turning on her side to eat it scares the dickens out of me. So I feed her a few bites of powdered eggs. I remember it was powdered eggs because I fed her powdered eggs for breakfast everyday. I think she ate the equivalent of 3 eggs over 11 days. However, she just spent 20 hours lying in bed so it isn’t as if she’s using a lot of calories. In fact, neither of us does much of anything before the doctor arrives. All of the previous tests show that the baby weighs a little over a pound. That’s not enough. However, the doctor does have some good news. He is trying to get us transferred to Daytona. Daytona is a level 2 NICU, which means they may make an attempt to save the baby if we wish. Ormond can’t even make the attempt. There will be no transfer today though. I think that ‘consult’ cost over 300 bucks for him to tell us that he can’t do anything. I do nothing for free.

Anyway, the overnight bag was good, but in my haze, I forgot that she was going to be in the hospital for a while. It was time to go home and get the computer, books, ipod, etc. Plus I had another very important stop to make. Once her parents arrived, it was time to go. I went back to my empty house and grabbed enough stuff to keep an adult entertained for several days. I also made sure to grab some of our pillows and blankets. The hospital had plenty of each, but they just weren’t quite right. When you have your own linens with your familiar feel and smell, you rest better. Unfortunately, I later found out that they would not let her use much of it, but she at least got to use her own blanket on top of the hospital blankets. Anyway after a quick cry I went to the party supply store. I had to get some balloons and flowers. The clerk thought it was weird that I was still crying a bit, but she got her money and I got my balloons. Next stop would be over at Betty’s. Betty’s is a restaurant. I had to get some food to go. However, I don’t particularly like Betty’s all that much, so most of the food was for mama Ali.

It sounds short, but running all of those errands get me back to the hospital around dinnertime. In fact, it was a little after dinner because her dry roast beef and soggy toast were mostly gone. It was then that she notified me that it was time to go. For reasons of modesty and decency, I won’t go into details except to explain the general problem we faced. Having a bedpan was out of the question because of the twisting and turning she would have to do to put it in place and remove it. It would have involved a lot of abdominal muscle use – which we were trying to avoid. Thus, she had to use the toilet. However, that means being upright to get to the toilet, and then pushing at least a little bit. We knew this time would come and a day and a half is a long time, but it has to happen. It was risky, but ultimately nothing happened. That was the scariest bowel movement of my life.

The mama Ali was starting to be less scared. She never told me so, but that night she had done something for the first time in 2 days. She turned on the TV. It wasn’t on for long, but it was an attempt to relax. We watched some sitcom or something. We played with the balloons. I gave her the flowers I had killed in her honor. I fed her cake from her favorite restaurant. Our fear (and her inability to move) created a bond that we hadn’t felt in months. It was the most romantic wedding anniversary we ever had.

Mama Ali Says:

2008-06-29T22:39:00.004-04:00

I am amazed that it has been a year. We have been discussing this day/ this time a year ago, alot the last few weeks. Big Ali, I love you. As you say thanks to me, it is important for you to know how much I needed you then and how much you mean to me. You did everything I asked of you to make me feel better. You held my hand when the nurses were looking for that darn vein. You didn't pace, gosh- you did'nt pace, if you know Big Ali this was big. You did all you could and still we were all afraid that it was for nothing and look at him now. I am blessed. In the words of Hillary- "Shame on you" who don't believe.
Today we celebrated our first Family Day. A day for us to be together as we were last year and to be thankful. Did I say I am amazed it has been a year. Jordan is the best son anyone could ever ask for, and no matter how mothehood came, I am so glad to have him. You may remember my thank you post and it still holds true. Thank you Big Ali and Thank you to my parents, family, friends and thoes I don't even know, for what you did for my family One year ago today. You helped save my son's life/ you helped save my peace of mind. You did more than you will ever know. As the next week comes and we get ready to celebrate Jordan's 1st Birthday, I just want you all to know I feel good, and happy to have my family, any way it came. -I may add more post as you reflect and share your thought about last year or I may not, but know this- I love you
MA

Friday June 29th, 2007

2008-06-29T08:22:00.001-04:00

“Big Ali, your wife is on the phone.” I have been chewed out by bosses before, worked at a company that was closed down, and even fired from some jobs, but those were the scariest words I ever heard at work. I was walking down the hallway at about 10 am and the receptionist was looking for me to let me know my wife was on the phone. I knew she had an appointment with the obstetrician that morning. When my wife wants to chat she leaves a message on my direct line. When she calls the receptionist it’s because she needs to speak and needs to speak now. With ice running through my veins I walk to the front desk. This isn’t happening again. Maybe she was calling because it was twins. Maybe she felt the baby kick for the first time. Maybe it wasn’t the end of the world. After her first sentence on the phone, I knew it was the end of the world.

I let my boss know the particulars and run out of the office to get to Ormond hospital. I have to call several people. I let her parents know the situation. She hasn’t even let her job know she was going to the doctor. Now I have to let them know that she is out for the duration of the pregnancy – however long that is. I drive to the hospital in a haze, crying some but I have to get there. I get to the admission area and she is sitting on a chair. I ask her to relate the story again. I ask for the doctor’s exact words hoping there’s something she’s overreacting to. In my fear it probably comes across as an interrogation. Did the doctor say you should come to the hospital or that you must? Was he reading off of a chart the results of a test, and if so did he get the charts mixed up? Did he mean admitted to the hospital or just run some tests? Every answer is the worst. My wife is sitting there as scared as I am. It would be her last time sitting for 11 days.

After finally getting the hospital room, she gets in bed and we wait. We don’t know what’s happening or why it’s happening to us, but all that matters is that she is going to lose the baby. She ate right (for a pregnant woman with cravings), no drugs, no drinking, some exercise, we even took vitamins. I even got her a step stool so she can get into bed easier. She switched to soy milk because the dairy gave her gas once and she didn’t want to hurt the baby. We’re not mad, just scared. Afraid of what will happen, afraid of what we did wrong, afraid of the past. When her mother arrives, we are still afraid. When her doctor arrives, we finally learn why.

Imagine the womb as a giant water balloon. Now pinch your fingers over the nozzle to keep the water in the balloon. For most of us that isn’t a problem. Now imagine you have the hands of an 80 year old with arthritis. You won’t be able to keep the water in there for long. Her cervix is starting to open. There are no exercises to strengthen the cervix. No stretches. No vitamins. No therapy. Usually it works. This time it doesn’t. The Internet will tell you that there is a very easy cure for it. Just stitch it closed. A procedure done in the doctors office with local anesthetic that usually takes less time than a circumcision. What the Internet won’t tell you is that it must be done in the 1st trimester. You can’t stitch it closed when it is already 4 cm open. Most women with the problem find out the way that we are finding out.

In the past whenever I visit a doctor, they are always optimists. Nothing is ever seriously wrong. If you hurt, it’s an infection to be cured with antibiotics. Joint sprain? Take a couple of days off and you’ll be fine. Our doctor tells me in the hallway out of earshot that my wife won’t be pregnant Monday morning. It’s now Friday afternoon. I explain that it’s a good thing we are in a hospital because I have heard that some NICUs can save extremely premature babies. I think this doctor is starting to take joy in giving me bad news. It turns out that there are 3 different levels of NICU. Level 3 isn’t even a NICU so much as a nursery. They offer very moderate support to babies. Level 2 NICUs can take babies as young as 27 weeks or so, but rarely have the equipment for any earlier. We need a level 1 NICU. That’s a hospital that takes the sickest of the sick and make an attempt to save them. I would later find out that they are not as successful as I would like when it comes to preemies.

I ask the doctor is there anything that can be done. He says that right now the baby is growing and putting pressure on the cervix. The growing can’t and shouldn’t be stopped, but if they can keep the legs elevated above the rest of the body some of the pressure will be taken off of the cervix. Not only will my wife literally not be allowed to get out of bed for the rest of the pregnancy, but it will be spent lying at an incline with her head at the bottom looking up at her feet. Oh, and by the way, it will probably be ultimately futile. Have a nice weekend.

By this time she is well situated in the bed with her parents there. I lie and say that I am running down to the cafeteria and will be back in 30 minutes. In truth, I am going to cry in private. I find an unused smokers bench at the side of the hospital and let loose. I cry as I haven’t cried in at least 10 years. At that time and place, I began mourning the son I would never know. I mourn the diapers that wouldn’t be changed. I mourn the bike that wouldn’t be ridden. I mourn … wait a minute, is this person really coming to take a smoke! I am having a friggin breakdown here and being in front of a hospital a reasonable person can assume that it’s for a bad reason. I know that smokers need to smoke, but if you are a hospital patient, maybe you can take a day off. Even if you can’t, I am clearly in the mood to be left alone. Go somewhere else! I was in no mood to fight, but I really wished ill towards this woman.

I wasn’t ashamed to cry in front of my wife. I had done it previously and would do it many more times during the coming summer. I think it takes more strength to be vulnerable than to hide your feelings with your spouse. I was ashamed because of why I was crying. My wife was afraid – scared to death. I wasn’t scared because I knew what was going to happen. I knew that she was going to try and hold on as long as possible, and that I wanted her to try, but I just knew she would fail. It wasn’t her fault, but no one who was 4cm dilated in the 21st week of pregnancy could deliver a viable baby. She was going to attempt the impossible and there was no way that she would ever find out that I didn’t believe in her. She won’t know that I felt that way until she reads these words.

I make my way back upstairs to be the husband. My wife is at her most vulnerable and I can’t take any more time for myself. She needs me more than she has ever needed me and if I have to skip lunch so be it. She is talking with her mother and her father has arrived by now. The best way to be there for my wife right now is to leave. Our life is getting ready to change in ways that we aren’t in anyway prepared for. First up, I have to go home.

We have two little dogs at home. I don’t know what the immediate future holds for me, but it doesn’t hold a lot of time at home to tend to my dogs. I have to pack them and their stuff up. They won’t be home again for two weeks. My wife left work for a short appointment and never expected to stay overnight. Now, I have to pack the overnight hospital bag. Had someone told me a day earlier that it was time to pack an overnight bag at the end of 21 weeks, I would have said it was too soon. Today it was too late. I was supposed to have a list of things to read from. It was supposed to be the two of us spending a Sunday afternoon joking about underwear and maternity pants. It was supposed to have some sort of clothes for a baby. I do my best to grab a mix of maternity and not maternity clothes and toiletries. I also pack a knapsack for myself and I’m out of the house in 30 minutes.

When I get to my parents house I unload the dogs. My parents like my dogs, but they are little dogs who stand less than 12 inches at the shoulder. They easily and willingly get lost in their house at times. However, there is no doubt that they will watch the dogs now. The hard part was telling my father why I was bringing the dogs over. My father has always been willing to do for me. Whenever I needed help, he was there. As a teenager he once offered to spend 50 bucks on a bowling ball that I didn’t ask for because all of my friends had one. I know that when I was an adolescent he made sure that I never wanted for anything even when it was hard for him to provide. He has always been a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. This was a seminal moment in my life and he could do nothing. Reassurance? Fruitless. Money? Irrelevant. Ride to and from the hospital? I didn’t intend on leaving for some time. Talking? I clearly didn’t want to. I was going to endure one of the toughest periods of my life and he couldn’t do anything . He said a few words that I don’t remember and I was on my way back to the hospital.

Soon we were in the room alone just the two of us (or did it count as three of us?). My in laws were gone, it was after dark and we would have no more visitors that day. When something like this happens, you are in an unusual position. You have a million things you want to say, and you have nothing to say. Of course is the standard reassurances. Also, the professions of love. What else? We’ve been married long enough to know what we are feeling and how we deal with it. We’re both afraid, and I’m usually a pacer. However, that would just remind her she can’t get up. You can only ask the nurses for so many pitchers of water and blankets before you’re good to go. I eventually find the snack room where they have free juice and coffee for the dads. I even unpack the clothes and put them in the drawer. We eventually just hold hands until she drifts off to sleep

Tour Pics - Part 2

2008-06-18T21:08:00.004-04:00

This is Aunt Lois - Uncle James' wife. She's from the old school that doesn't want to hold a baby because you could give him germs, but Jordan eventually won her over.

This is the borther of Pop Pop and his wife. Jordan loved their piano and their dogs.

I don't usually wear the wife beater out in public, but I had traveled a very long distance that day without a car. When I have to walk over 3 miles in 90 degree heat, I don't complain, but I do sweat.

The mama Ali's godmother. She let us stay in her hourse for the week and we certainly appreciate it. She is sitting with her daughter and granddaughter.

We took this picture from Greektown. Don't call me racist - the signs said welcome to greek town. According to what we saw in greek town all greek people do is eat at $50 a dinner restaurants everyday because there was no other businesses on the main street.

The little boy in the picture was Josh. Josh is 4 years old and thought the idea of making a baby laugh was the best idea in history. Now, Jordan wants a big brother for Xmas.

Tour Pics - Part 1

2008-06-11T21:24:00.005-04:00

Let me first say that there will be other pics from the trip, but it's late and I'm tired.

Say Cheese!

Not a picture from the trip, but when he can sit up like this, then it's time to stop using this swing. We won't use this swing again until we have another baby (approx. 2015)

This is a special pic. Jordan got to meet uncle James, the man who married us. James was happy, Jordan was hungry.

The mama Ali and her godsister got into some sort of diaper changing race. Jordan is the baby with the penis.

We took Jordan downtown to show him the sights and paid $30 for parking and $4.50 per gallon of gas for the priviledge of taking a picture of him sleeping. 10 years from now when he asks to visit Chicago, I'll show him this picture and tell him that he has already been there.

Just a little jam session with Pop pop. He actually enjoyed the trip overall, but he is becoming a big boy. I know everyone wants to know how he handled flying. He couldn't have done better. We fed him a bottle during the first takeoff so his ears wouldn't pop and he spent half the flight sleeping. On the way back, we tried giving him a pacifier during the descent for the same reason and he wasn't having it. He would not keep it in because he kept trying to play with the nice man sitting in the seat next to me. He giggled most of the time down. Which brings me to another thing.

He has started cheesing for strangers a whole lot lately. If you bring a 7 month old out in public, people want to start smiling and playing with him. If he is in a playful mood, he loves that. He loves kids. He loves other peoples grandparents. He loves his own grandparents. He loves men. He loves women. If you like him, then he likes you - as long as he's in the mood. I'm not really complaining (relatives give you more toys for a happy baby), but sometimes I think strangers should have to work to make him smile. He gives it up too easy.

Tour Update

2008-06-09T20:59:00.003-04:00

Well, as expected, Jordan has been a big hit in Chicago. Or course it mostly has to do with the baby. He rarely fusses so people are pleasantly surprised to meet him. Some babies tend to fuss when strangers hold them. Jordan will glance at the person holding him and then try to find something interesting to look at. Uncle George may be nice, but he isn't as interesting as his ceiling fan. Anyway, his flight up here was as expected. We fed him a bottle during take off, he wanted to play during the first half of the flight, fell asleep over Tennessee and didn't wake up until the engines were shut off. We expected a crowd of screaming ladies waiting for us at the airport. Instead we only got a diaper that I would describe as "impressive". We head back to FL tomorrow and there will be pics and videos and details within a few days.

Going out for a 'Party'

2008-06-01T18:07:00.001-04:00

This video is actually pretty abridged. It actually went on for a good 20 minutes. And I mean a GOOD 20 minutes. Seeing the way he enjoys spalshing his baths we shouldn't have been surprised how much he enjoyed this. I should have brought his rubber ducky.

The mama Ali had a wake up call last weekend. We went over to her father's house and Pop Pop asked how his baby was doing. She actually answered as if he was asking about her. No one (other than me) has asked how she was doing in months, and no one is going to ask until she's pregnant again (years from now). However, it did show how popular the baby is. Everytime we take him out he is an absolute 'chick magnet'. It's even more so now that he smiles back at people. We decided there is only one way to handle this. Since jordan is treated like a rock star, we are taking him out on tour.

I am pleased to announce the "Party Pooper'' tour of 2008! This weekend we are going to Chicago to visit his mother's side of the family. In mid August we are going to New York to visit my side of the family. In October we are going to Atlanta to visit friends, and at Xmas we are going to Baltimore for the holidays. Get your tickets now! For the low cost of a diaper change you get to hold the baby for 15 minutes. For burping the baby you get your shirt personally 'signed' by Jordan. For agreeing to babysit the baby for 2 hours, you get to play with the baby for two hours! You can't beat these prices! I must warn the groupies that he isn' so much interested in your breasts as much as what is in your breasts.

Big Kid Time

2008-05-29T08:49:00.002-04:00

Jordan is finally done with the apnea monitor! Yesterday was the last day for the monitor after seven and a half months. I think in the last 2 months it has only gone off for loose leads. Even before that it was almost entirely false alarms. Either way, we are done with it now. We are finally done with all of his NICU equipment!

Jordan is starting to become a big boy, so we gave him something that big boys have. Jordan now has an 8pm bedtime. It has been very easy. He really doesn’t nap much during the day if you keep him busy so he is always tired at night. At night we just make sure he is fed and changed, give him a pacifier, and read him a story. After we put him in the crib he’s asleep in 5 minutes. I am going to miss this in 12 months when he’s a toddler.

Finally, we learned what the grandparents want to be called. This is weird for me. My parents are now grandparents with grandparents nicknames. Parents aren’t supposed to be grandparents. I’m 30 years old and my grandma is still Nana. Anyway, my parents are now NA-mah, and Granddad. My in-laws are MEE-mah and Pop Pop. They’ll always be ‘mom’ and ‘creepy old dude’ to me.

Fancy Footwork

2008-05-21T20:41:00.002-04:00

I wonder if this camera tastes like the last one???

I know this blog is about Jordan, but furry dogs sleeping on their backs are automatically funny.

Now I am free to smoke next to the baby's crib. One of the true joys of parenting.

I just realized that when he takes his first steps, they'll be walking away from me.

He just realized that too. About another 6 months till freedom!

This one is really special to me. When we met with the therapists last month, they said that because Jordan was born so early he didn't spend as much time curled up in the womb as he should. Normally this leads to weaker abdominals. That means the babies won't be as willing or able to play with their feet. That means a delay in walking of another month or two. I don't know if he is at the normal time for feet play, but the therapist didn't bother to tell Jordan what he can't do.

Happy Mother's Day!

2008-05-11T19:29:00.002-04:00

The mother's in Jordan's life. He is being held by my mother, my mother in law is in the pink shirt, and a very special mother is standing behind them.

My father in law is in the striped shirt, and that other guy is dressed like a tourist.

Yum! That camera looks tasty.

He ate too much camera.

Doctor No More

2008-05-08T09:46:00.000-04:00

Went to see the pulmonolgist yesterday. Naturally, my boy kicked butt! The doctor said that once the baby is over the cold we can get rid of all of the oxygen in the house. I think since we already paid for the oxygen (OK, the insurance paid for it), that I might just close all of the doors to the bedroom and open up the valve all the way. We can make our own oxygen tent for one night. Sleep like we were Michael Jackson. Before you leave a comment calling me crazy, ask yourself if you have ever wondered what it would be like to live in an oxygen tent with your pet monkey. You’re just jealous because I have the opportunity – or at least I will once I get a pet monkey.

The doctor also said that two weeks after we lose (or use) the oxygen, we can get rid of the damn monitor. We celebrated last night by doing something we always wanted to do, but we never could. We let the baby sleep in a onesie with a zipper. In the past we always had to keep him hooked up to the monitor with the leads. We couldn’t have him wear a zipper onesie because the wires are not long enough to come out of the neck and he’d just pull them loose anyway. Last night, no leads so we got him to wear a zipper. He didn’t care, but we loved it.

The doctor also gave us more good news. We don’t have to see him again for four months! Yesterday was the first time I did that long drive to Jax in several months and I don’t know how we could do it everyday last summer. Anyway, we have to see the eye doctor at the end of this month and then we don’t have to drive to Jax to see a doctor until football season!

Guest Post

2008-05-02T08:44:00.001-04:00

I got tired of doing all ofthe posts for this blog, so Jordan asked if he could take over for a day. Here's Jordan:

I Can't Imagine Why Anybody Would Want To Stop Crying

Life has so many wonderful experiences to offer. Like sleep. Or ingestion and evacuation. But I find life offers few opportunities more rewarding than screaming like a maniac until your voice cracks with the strain, so that the entire universe can share in your distress. That's what life is all about, right? The sheer exhilarating thrill of nonstop crying at the top of your lungs. It's such an important part of why we are here—why would anybody ever want to do anything else?
Don't get me wrong—I like squirming, drooling, and sporadically attempting to focus on colors and shapes as much as the next guy. But of all the various activities one can choose to pursue in life, crying is tops as far as I'm concerned. In my opinion, I find nothing is more fulfilling than a good steady holler. It takes no experience to begin, and within moments, all one's needs are instantly met! It's my favorite part of the day.
Heck, I'm crying right now!
I suppose some people might enjoy wasting their days with sleep or gentle cooing, but not me. No, sir. Not when there's all that fantastically loud crying to do. In fact, I love crying so much, sometimes I wish I could be awake 24 hours a day, just to hear the crying I miss out on hearing when I am asleep. I mean, I assume I cry in my sleep, too. Whoa. There's a strange thought: What if I stop crying for a moment when I'm asleep? That would be tragic.
Yes, there's nothing like a good, healthy, air-raid-siren-style bellow to renew one's red-faced passion for living. What you want, I've found, is to pitch your voice at about the decibel level of your standard jet engine and then hold it as long as possible before taking in air. That's the sweet spot right there. That's the ideal volume for a good cry—the kind of crying that isn't so much melancholy or sorrowful as it is a full-throttle roar of earsplitting shrillness.
It's so easy. Getting started can be as simple as being startled by your own hand.
In my opinion, anyone who isn't screaming his lungs out is just letting life pass him by. You'd think, after seeing how happy crying makes me, people would follow my example. But all around me there are tall, shadowy figures who seem to actively avoid the most pleasurable part of existence. Everywhere I look I see them: standing behind my stroller as they walk around town, or leaning in over me in my crib and making faces. Whole loads of people, not crying. Don't they realize what they're missing?
Look, I'm not a purist. I understand there are times when it might be perfectly acceptable to stop crying. Like when something is placed in your mouth for you to suck on. Or when somebody jiggles you for 40 seconds. Both are perfectly understandable and justifiable reasons to stop crying momentarily. But to be completely silent for more than, say, a minute? That's just crazy.
Take my parents, for example. If it wasn't for my tireless efforts, they'd sleep through the night! Can you believe it? I don't think it's because they're too old—I suppose I don't know how old they are exactly, but I can't imagine it's any more than, say, one. They've still got plenty of life in them. Yet they hardly ever cry, and when they do, it's usually softly, in the middle of the night, and exhausted-sounding. What happened to their lust for life? Don't they realize that every moment they waste sleeping, fiddling with the car seat, or holding picture books in front of my face is precious time they could be screaming their heads off?
How can I get them to embrace life and really make the most of wailing like a mythical banshee for hours on end?
I just don't understand these people—and not only because I have yet to grasp the concept of others as separate selves outside of me. Don't they know that all they'd have to do is take a good deep breath, let her rip, and the air would be filled with glorious noise? They can't be having a good time just sitting there, grinning slightly, and communicating through facial expressions and this bizarre series of coded grunts I have yet to decipher.
What do they spend their time doing? Comprehending spatial relations? I'd die of boredom in a minute. They must've been young once. Surely they can still remember the good times they had, splitting the very air with sonic knives of nigh-unendurable intensity. I would hate to think that someday I might be so jaded and cynical as to turn my back on wriggling and panting for breath, using every ounce of my being to emit a general, undifferentiated distress signal to all within earshot.
Spending entire days without crying? Why, it goes against the very thing that makes us human.
God, I hope I never become like them.

If it isn't one thing, it's something else

2008-05-01T08:01:00.000-04:00

The vomiting has become much worse. When it’s time to eat he takes about 7 or 8 ounces. We try feeding less, but he raises a ruckus. He is old enough to recognize his bottle, and old enough to recognize that hollering will get him what he wants. When we feed him 8 ounces, if we don’t lay him down for about an hour then he’ll give the food back. He doesn’t just spit up either. I’m talking about changing his bib, changing his clothes, and changing my clothes. Then he’s hungry again. Of course we will ask the doctor about this, but we don’t expect any answers.

Speaking of doctors, we heard from the pulmonolgist yesterday. After 10 months and many many thousands of dollars of oxygen, and thousands more in equipment, we can take Jordan off of the oxygen full time….just as soon as he recovers from the cold I gave him. In my defense I didn’t give it to him, he took it. When you carry him he tends to taste you. If he can’t taste you, he’ll touch you and then taste his hand. When you think about it, it’s amazing that he hasn’t gotten sick before now. Considering everything he’s been through in the past, his mother is handling it well. Neither of us is freaking out over this, but he doesn’t seem to mind having a runny nose, it just gives him something new to taste. I do have a hunch that the mama Ali won’t admit he’s over this cold for another 10 months.

Photo Update

2008-04-21T21:27:00.004-04:00

We went to the park. Do you think he enjoyed it?

I took a quick business trip to San Francisco. I got him a souvenir from Alcatraz.

This is one of my friends from work. He arrived here from China in December. His english name is Andy (I don't know his Chinese name). He has never seen a black infant in person other than Jordan. Jordan has never seen a Chinese person before he met Andy. Andy was pretty happy to meet Jordan and Jordan wanted to taste Andy's shirt.

Jordan still doesn't know what to make of the dogs. He knows that dogs aren't people, but he still doesn't understand the concept of dogs.

Running Low on Oxygen

2008-04-14T08:11:00.001-04:00

My boy has made me so proud, but I’ll get to that later. Last Thursday he had another development review with a physical therapist to evaluate him as a 5 month old. He did very well. He can’t sit on his own yet, but he sits well for his age. He puts everything he can into his mouth – usually with two hands. He dealt well with the therapist and didn’t fuss. He has good muscle tone too. Due to the prematurity, they will probably still monitor his development, but he is doing well for his adjusted age.

Jordan did something yesterday that he has never done before. He willingly drank water! Usually we give him a bottle of water and he sucks too hard. Imagine you suck on a straw hard enough to get a milkshake and all you get is a mouth full of water. When that happened in the past he choked a little. However, yesterday he did it right and was able to tolerate the water. He has also started to try and put in his own pacifier. There is nothing cuter than handing him his pacifier and watch what he does with it. He can’t get it in his mouth oriented properly, but he tries so hard. I’ll post a video of it really soon.

Anyway, we need to do a little review. Your blood can hold a certain amount of oxygen. For most of us we have about 95% or more of the maximum amount. Jordan was born so early that his lungs were damaged and when he came home from the hospital he couldn’t stay that high unless we gave him extra oxygen. On Thursday night we let him sleep for the first time (intentionally) without oxygen and he never got below 95% as far as we could see. The results of this test should be getting to the doctor this week. If we are lucky, the doctor will say we no longer need to use any oxygen at all! Worst case scenario, we will have to wait until the May 7th appointment to be released from the gas. We are almost done with the oxygen, but we are still using it at night now until we get clearance from the doctor. Then pretty soon after that we can get rid of the damn monitor. I couldn’t be prouder of how far he has come.

Cow Duty

2008-04-08T08:23:00.002-04:00

Jordan is now out of the house. He will be back soon, but he has graduated to the next stage. Before, because he was hooked up to the oxygen tank, he stayed at home while the grandparents came over to watch him. Now, he doesn’t need the oxygen during the day so he can go to their house. Both sets of grandparents have been so helpful watching him for the last 5 ½ months – we don’t know what we would have done without them. They will probably watch Jordan for at least the rest of this year if we asked. After that he will be a toddler and no one can enjoy their retirement chasing after a toddler for 50 hours a week.

My boy has gotten into the habit of cow duty. Cows will eat the grass and store it in the stomach until later when they can chew their cud. Jordan will drink the milk and decide that it was so tasty he will bring it up again. Of course he has a little mouth so it just ends up on his legs, and his clothes, and our clothes, and sometimes the couch. Just about everything except the bibs. After he’s done, he then likes to complain that he is hungry. You know you are a parent when you get used to the smell of fermenting milk combined with bile.

Rump Kicker

2008-03-27T21:20:00.003-04:00

The Easter outfit. He's got bunnies on his feet and funnies on his face.

Now he just has lunch on his face. This is the result when he tries to help with the solid foods.

I didn't get a picture on my camera, but Aunt Traci came to visit this weekend. She hasn't seen him since Xmas and had a couple of days off. I think he might actually be double the weight. He is up to 16 pounds now. I know a lot of people hae asked, and yes - Jordan is over his fever. We never really found out what caused it, but we are thinking it has something to do with teething. I knew something was wrong because he had a fever, but I didn't realize that he was acting differently until he got back to normal. He stopped laughing for a couple of days and had no interest in playing with toys. I didn't notice that until he started laughing and playing again. He kicked that fever's butt!

Wednesday was a visit to the pulmonologist. Naturally my boy kicked butt! He is now supposed to be on the oxygen only at night. In practice, he is only on the oxygen for about 2 or 3 hours. We put the cannula in at bedtime and he usually has it out by midnight. We tried taping the cannula to his face, but he still pulls it off - and that really irritates his face. The next step is to schedule a sleep study. That will be in a few weeks. We will hook him up to a machine that measures the amount of O2 in his blood while he sleeps. If he desats (remember that?) then he fails the test. If he doesn't desat then they will start making plans to get the 50 gallon container of rocket fuel out of my bedroom.

Thursday was the day for developmental assessment. When you are a premature as Jordan, it's a good idea to have professionals check the development. He is 4 and a half months since his due date so they checked his development for a 4 month old. He kicked butt! He was not perfect, but he did well. He stands well, always deals with other people great, and is a representation of physical perfection. Well, not perfection, but he's pretty good. There are a few things that we will need to work on. He is close to sitting up, but not there yet and we have excerises for that. He stands well for his age, but he doesn't stand as straight as he should. He can turn to his side, but not all the way from front to back. Overall his ratings were good, but they did recommend him for some follow up visits. The main thing is that he needsto be followed for some time still because of the prematurity, but the therapists thought he was doing really well.

Nursing Trouble

2008-03-19T16:23:00.001-04:00

Last night after work, Jordan was a little hot. He was over 99 degrees and not wearing a lot of clothes. He wasn’t complaining or anything, but he just kept getting hotter. By 10pm he was 102 degrees. He started hollering in a way he rarely does. He usually cries only when he’s hungry or really wet, but this time he was inconsolable. He was crying so hard that he vomited the meal from 2 hours earlier, and immediately fell asleep.

Anyway, the 102 degrees alone was enough to call the doctor, and he told us to go to the emergency room. We left home at 10:30 pm. When Jordan was first examined by the nurse it was really weird. He asked us some of the medical history (where to begin?), and not being a NICU nurse he didn’t understand terms like BPD, CLD, or PDA. It made me feel really smart to explain this stuff to a trained medical professional. Then he gave Jordan some Tylenol and a pill. He also took Jordan’s temperature. There’s only one way to give a 16 pound baby a pill – they don’t swallow too well. Also, in the NICU they took the temperature by sticking the probe in the armpit. As I said, this guy wasn’t a NICU nurse. Let’s just say that he got the pill first and then had a body temp of 103.

When you come into the ER with a baby on oxygen and apnea monitor, and a 103 degree fever, you don’t have to wait too long to see a doctor – we saw ours at midnight. He was already coming down from the fever, but he was very tired and couldn’t sleep with all of these strangers and strange things.

The doctor prescribed some medicine and would have let us go home – except Jordan is a special little boy. We had to stay for chest X-rays and blood work. He didn’t like the chest x-ray. For the blood work, the nurse said that she was going to insert an IV just in case the blood work came back and he needed fluids or other stuff. Jordan has not had an IV in many months. In fact, Jordan had an IV put in for his birthday and had one in him somewhere for almost 3 months. I convinced myself then that because he never knew life without an IV or needles (or pain), that was why he never cried. Just like he loves baby food because he’s never tasted fried chicken. Anyway, that was then. Last night I held his left hand while the nurse placed an IV in his right. I held his head facing toward me so he wouldn’t see the needle. When the needle went in, he looked me in the eyes and my heart broke. I know that that is part of being a parent, but I felt almost as if I betrayed him. Next time he gets an IV he’s going to have to look at the nurse – they are used to it. The worst part of it was that this wasn’t a NICU nurse, so she couldn’t really find such a small vein and she never placed the IV, she just got a blood sample.

The results finally came back and everything was normal. The baby was 16 pounds 2 ounces (7314 grams to those who are still counting) and exhausted. His body temp was down to 99 degrees. The mama Ali and I bickered about something unimportant on the way out of the hospital, but that was just blowing off steam when you have your baby in the ER after 2am. We got home at 2:30. The baby had already forgotten the IV and his parents quickly fell asleep.

Special Treat

2008-03-16T19:23:00.004-04:00

Sitting up

And Stepping out.

First of all, this is a special treat. It took over 45 minutes to download these videos so don't expect 2 in 1 post a lot. I included these two videos because they were so cute. Especially the 2nd one. He stands up all the time now - as long as we hold him. He even has started to play with his toys. It's still cute because he only plays with what we give him and stands up only when we hold him. We only have a couple of months left for all of that.

Play and Hate

2008-03-13T08:31:00.001-04:00

The baby has started to throw up more. He will vomit at least daily and more than once if we aren’t careful. We can’t play with him too much for about an hour after eating and putting him on the shoulder is pretty much a bad idea when he’s awake. Due to the drooling, he is always wearing a bib anyway, but between the drool and vomit he goes through at least 6 or 7 bibs per day. He only goes through 4 or 5 bottles. Things would probably be worse if he wasn’t sleeping through the night. The good news is that he is sleeping through the night almost all the time. The main thing that wakes him up overnight is pretty much him. He hates wearing the cannula, and leaving it taped on irritates the skin, so he spends all of his time trying to pull it off. At night he will shake his head back and forth until it comes off. Sometimes it will move down until it’s around his neck. Other times it will move up until it’s around his eyes. That’s when he has to call the parents.

Jordan and I have started playing together. It is so cool that I can do something and have him react. Before, I couldn’t get him to do anything, but now. Our favorite game is play and hate. I sit Jordan on my lap facing me. Then I start making funny noises and laughing. He thinks that is pretty fun so he laughs too. Then I laugh. Then he laughs. We keep going back and forth for a few minutes until he’s nice and happy. Then I hand him to his mother. He is still looking at me because of all the interaction. That means he either still focuses on me and laughing while sitting on her lap, or he starts looking at her and stops laughing. She hates that.

Finally, I learned something about babies this past week. I thought that the next developmental stages for him would be starting to reach for his toys. Babies are supposed to reach for things that they want and we’ve been looking forward to that. No one told me that before babies can reach, they first must swing. I was trying to get him to grab my nose this past weekend. He swung his arm and punched me. Hard! He thought it was funny.

4 months since his due date.

2008-03-02T20:53:00.005-05:00

When I took ths picture, I realized he was no longer a newborn. He doesn't let us hold him like this when he is awake, and this usually wakes him up. Cuddles and kangaroo care are striclty past tense for him.

Does this kid look like he is even a little interested in cuddling? He is mostly interested in his feet because he wants to get up and walk around.

This kid loves to laugh. He just won't do it here because he is distracted by the camera. The easiest way to get him to laugh now is to give him handful of applesauce and let him feed himself. He smears it over his face and then licks his fingers later. Seriously though, he smiles really easy when he's playing.

Jordan is on less oxygen now. He was already on the lowest flow, but after Friday's doctor appointment, he now is off the oxygen for 8 consecutive hours per day! He is also off the damn montior during the day as well. That means we get to take him out more and we can carry less. He is ready to totally come off now of course. At xmas, he would shake his head to get the cannula out of his nose. At groundhogs day he would pull it out if we didn't tape it to his face. Now, he will pull the whole cannula of his face even if it's taped down. And of course he doesn't pull up, he pulls down until it is wrapped nice and neat around his neck. There is nothing quite like the experience of waking up at 6 am to find your baby snuggled up with his face buried in the side of the crib and a plastic noose around his neck.

We have a rather unique situtation with the baby that we never planned for. Preemies tend to try and catch up physically to kids born on their birthday. That means that he is already bigger than most kids born on his due date - 4 months ago today. In fact he is on the lower edge of the growth curve for his actual birthday. The problem is that mentally he is developing the same as kids born on his due date. That means physically he is over 6 months, but mentally is at 4. He weighs 15 pounds 2 ounces. He can't sit up yet. He has the muscle control of a 4 month old, but his head is much bigger. In fact, he gave his mother a busted lip last week. At 15 pounds most kids try to crawl. We have to carry him. At 15 pounds, some kids try to hold their bottles. I actually think Jordan could hold his bottle if he wanted to, but he knows he has a good deal going right now. I am not and will not complain about his size for several years yet, but his clothes are 6-9 month size for crying out loud. He weighs more than double what he was when he came home.

Higher Dayz

2008-02-17T12:14:00.002-05:00

We have still been working on feeding Jordan the rice cereal and he is doing better. We now give him two servings a day. Not sure how this will work next week when we are at work but maybe the grandparents will take on the challenge. He is getting bigger and we have finally cleaned up the high chair that was given to us. He looked so cute in it. Big Ali even gave him some of his toys to play with on the table top. He can actually reach out a few inches on the table top and grab a toy and then bring it to his mouth. He loves chewing on things. He is just adorable.

He is doing new stuff every day. We caught him looking at his hands the other day as if to say Wow, what are these. He isn't really sure about what they are or who put them there, but he can't be sure that they are OK until he can taste them and fit them in his mouth. He holds his head better when on his belly. He is probably only a couple of weeks away from turning from his back to his belly. He can already turn from his back to the side when he sleeps.

-The Mama Ali

Chow Time

2008-02-11T20:20:00.000-05:00

3 generations of the family. Jordan, his grandfather, and he meets his great grandpa for the first time!

In case anyone needs a new desktop on their computer.

That's right! We tried him on some baby food this weekend. He actually did as well as can be expected. He made a terrible mess, but did eat some. We were able to give him several spoonfuls, but he hasn't made a connection yet. He doesn't connect eating with hunger. When he gets hungry he wants the bottle. He doesn't eat because he's hungry, he eats because there is nothing that we can't put in his mouth right now. Everything else goes in, and drool comes out. He will start teething any time now.

Yesterday, Jordan met with a social worker that wanted to check on his development. She just asked some questions, not an actual checkup. Things like can he do X? Does he like to do Y? He did very well. He could do most of the things she asked including a couple of things i never paid attention to before. He loves to follow his parents as they walk across his vision. I never thought of that as any special development - it's just what he does. We are going to take him in to see an actual physical therapist at the end of March just to make sure he's developing well.

One good turn deserves another.

2008-02-04T21:30:00.000-05:00

This is the problem.

This was the solution.

He enjoyed the solution.

There was another problem in this one. Jordan has reached the drooling stage. He isn't doing it all of the time yet, but if he sits upright for too long, he will have the stuff running down his chin. So we just leave a bib on him all of the time when he's awake. Those 2 pictures of him at the top? He would push off the side of the bassinet and end up like you see him. We put him in the crib, and he did the cutest thing last night. We put him on his back facing north south in the crib. When we woke up, he was still on his back, but facing east west. He was able to turn around without turning over. That means it won't be too long before he turns over.

Jordan has become a very happy baby. A couple of weeks ago we were trying to get him to smile. Now he can laugh if you tickle him on his belly. He has gone of putting his hand in his mouth to putting whatever is in his hand into his mounth. He loves playing with his cannula tube by chewing on it. Same for the apnea monitor cord. If you put the rattle in his hand he'll eat that too. Teething rings, stuffed animals, his clothes. Whatever he has in his hand, he'll taste. The funny thing is that he doesn't intentionally grab anything. He just flexes his hands and if something ends up in there, he'll taste it. It is too cute.

Grading on a Curve

2008-01-28T09:45:00.000-05:00

Jordan has hit a special milestone at today’s doctor’s appointment. He is 14 pounds 5 ounces. That places him on the growth curve for kids born on his birth date. He is larger than 1% of kids born July 9th. Well, actually less than 1%, but he is on the curve. He is also officially heavier than my bowling ball and my biggest dog. All of the books say that kids born early tend to catch up, but golly! We buy diapers by the case. By the time he’s done with the case, we have to get a bigger size. He didn’t even finish the size 1 case. We have already started saving clothes and diapers for the next baby. Don’t get excited, we are no where near ready to have another one – maybe in a couple of years. Jordan gets to go several months without seeing the doctor again. He still has monthly shots for RSV, but the doctor says he’s doing well enough that they don’t need to do a checkup until April.

Jordan is starting to sleep through the night! About half the time he can go from 10pm to 6am. The rest of the time he either needs a diaper or a bottle. Last week, he went 3 consecutive days of sleeping the entire night! I tell you, we have entered one of the best parts of parenting. He sleeps better now, and he doesn’t cry that much. He cries when something is wrong, otherwise he’s pretty calm. He is always down for some playtime when he’s awake, but he isn’t ready for toys yet. We have to play with him, and if you do well, he smiles. When you get tired of playing with him, put him in his chair and he’s fine. He can easily sit in his chair for 30 minutes looking at me and eating his fist. He’s too old to stay up all night, and too young to make a mess or talk back to us.

The Naked Truth

2008-01-20T19:36:00.000-05:00

No one from the blog has seen him smile before.

This is his favorite toy.

This is a good sample of some of the stuff he can do. He can get his hands to his mouth, but never sucks his thumb. He can make noises, he can kick off the blanket, and he can tear up his face while trying to get rid of the cannula.

On Saturday, Jordan made a mess in his diaper. In fact, the diaper couldn't hold it all. Anyone who has spent enough time around babies has been there. I had to change everything that he got to. As a result, for the first time since July 9th, he was totally naked. Ever since his birthday he's never gone a few seconds without xtra oxygen, or sensors on his chest or usually both. Even his baths were with a cannula. Saturday, he was totally nekkid. As you can see above, he looks completely different without it on his face.

It is getting so much easier having a cordless baby. About 5 pounds ago he would spend an entire week in our bedroom and wouldn't leave except to take a bath in the adjoining bathroom. Now, when we get home, we unhook him from the tank and spend several hours out of the bedroom. He watches us cook dinner, or read, or watch TV. We don't let him watch yet, but he REALLY wants to watch. We even spent Sunday putting the finishing touches on the nursery. We never 100% finished because we would never consider him sleeping in there before he was off the oxygen. Now, we let him nap in there. As soon as the doctors get rid of the damn monitor, he's moving to his own place. His parents could use some alone time.

Weaning Weekend

2008-01-14T08:43:00.000-05:00

Jordan sits on grandma's lap.

This is the closest he came to smiling today.

He looks so serious.

Getting ready to eat.

This was a great weekend! Friday we went to visit the pulmonolgist. The first time we visited, was the first time and I didn’t expect much. The 2nd visit, Jordan was hungry during the visit and wanted nothing to do with anyone. This visit, I knew Jordan would do better because I could definitely hear his cry getting louder over the last month. Well, Jordan passed his test! We get to start weaning him. The doctor said we don’t have to keep him hooked up to the damn monitor during the day – just the night. Also, we are to start taking him off of the monitor for up to 3 hours per day this week while he is awake. Next week, up to 6 hours while he is awake. By the next doctor visit, it will be at night time only. Within a couple of months he’ll be totally off the gas. We were so happy about that, that we took Jordan out to watch us eat dinner. He had some milk to drink.

We also took him back to the NICU to visit some old friends. I remember when I never thought we would get to do that walk with him. This time we did. I remember the sights, the fights we would have in the hallway, even the sounds. The thing that struck me most was the smell. I don’t think I could ever forget the smell – not bad, but distinctive. The nurses that were there remembered us, and couldn’t stop talking about how big he was. That was the first time we let someone pick him up without washing their hands first – because they constantly wash their hands. I think my favorite part was leaving with the baby. It’s nice to visit the NICU, but it’s even nicer when you get to leave with your baby.

Jordan got to visit both sets of his grandparents houses for the first time on Sunday. He sees his grandparents all of the time, but they usually have to visit him. This time, he visited them. He’s been awake a lot lately, so they were very happy to see him. That’s when we took the above pictures. Make sure you look at the video.

Don't hate the player, hate the toys.

2008-01-07T08:11:00.000-05:00

First of all, let me tell everyone that you should not get internet service with BellSouth. It seems as if I can’t go 2 months without something going wrong with my service. Anyway, on to the baby. His development is really starting to speed up. He is starting to control his movements a lot better. He is controlling is kicks a little better, and that makes them harder. He can also swing his arms in general directions now. He can swing at our faces now with one arm, and usually hit us. Of course, this leads us to an important stage in his life. Over xmas he got several of those play gyms and mats and the like. His cousin Terri gave us one that all 3 of us like. It helps him with his arm swinging. He also has one that he kicks, and he just loves the way it feels. In the world we currently live in, you can’t buy a toy for a baby that doesn’t light up or make noise. All of his toys make music or sing the alphabet, or teach colors, or count, or some other racket. It gets him pretty happy, but it really interferes with me watching the playoffs.

He had such a good weekend with his toys, that he has started to smile. He saved his biggest smile for Sunday morning. I was sleeping late with him in the room. His mother was on the other side of the house with the baby monitor turned off. If the baby needed something, I would have heard him cry. Well, after being out of the room for a little while, his mother comes in to check on him. He has a smile across his face and vomit on his face, bed, and clothes. We will never know how long he was lying in his vomit, but he didn’t seem to mind as he didn’t bother to tell us. His mother did not smile. Jordan has an appointment with the pulmonolgist this Friday, so everyone keep their fingers crossed.

Happy New Year!

2008-01-02T10:18:00.000-05:00

We got several gift cards for xmas, and decided to try and use them yesterday since we both had the day off. We even bought the baby along. I saw something that absolutely blew my mind. A pair of shoes for 0-3 months with memory foam in the soles! A shoe with extra cushioning for a 3 month old baby! That’s about 3 months before crawling. I suppose next up there will be athletic equipment for him. Maybe a football helmet, or a baseball glove. Anyway, sorry about the rant, but I couldn’t believe it. Jordan got fussy yesterday when it was time to eat, so I took him over to the food court while mama was looking at shoes. I asked a guy at the pizza place for a cup of hot water to heat the bottle. He was happy to help, but when he looked at the baby he asked if the baby was ok. I said he’s fine, he had just been scratching at the cannula a lot lately. The guy looked at me like I was crazy. It took me several minutes to realize why. I looked at Jordan and saw the scratch under his eye as the only thing unusual. I forgot that babies tend not to have oxygen cannulas taped to their face to help them breathe.

When you see photos of babies you see them in 2 stages. The first stage is the blob where they just sit there and do nothing, but they are tiny and cute. The second stage is where they are sitting up or crawling and playing with toys and laughing at everything. Jordan is in between right now. He is awake a lot of the time and is just starting to use his big muscles. He kicks all the time. In fact, he’s strong enough to stand up. Don’t get me wrong, he has no balance, but he’s strong. He moves his arms around a lot, but can’t control where he moves them, so he just hits his parents – hard. He isn’t really interested in toys yet, but he takes great pride in what he can do. The reason he has a scratch on his face is he is becoming really good at moving that darn cannula. He loves kicking during diaper changes. He really likes hitting his mother – hard. It’s going to be a really good year for Jordan. I even dipped his pacifier into the greens yesterday.

Xmas pictures

2007-12-30T17:35:00.000-05:00

Cousin Toya meets Jordan for the first time.

Jordan, in 15 years, I am going to tell you to mow the lawn. You will tell me no. I will show this picture to your girlfriend. That will be my punishment for you.

A special thanks to Aunt Shirley for making the trip to FL. I know it was rough for you, but it was worth it.

This is the 1st picture of the 3 of us since the NICU. I don't know how to rotate pictures on the blog yet, so just rotate your head.

You know, back before digital photos, it might have been unusual to see 3 people taking pictures of each other taking pictures. Of course, I was camera #4.

My guest commentator from last week. My sister Traci. If you think she looked nervous, you should see her reaction when someone says she's standing on the oxygen tube.

It doesn't get any cuter than this.

Mommy got her hair done.

Counsin Tony and baby Jordan.